Do you find you have less friends as you get older?
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free skin care · Fri Aug 20, 2004 5:33 am

Or, is it just me? Kinda been bumming me out lately, it seems my friendships are kinda fading out, my only best friend is my husband at the moment. I don't know if its just the girls in this town or what, but it seems all my friends have stabbed me in the back one way or another. My one friend I've known since kindergarten ended up dating a fellow I dated for eight years who abused me mentally and physically, so I could not bear to hang with them as a couple, plus my husband can't stand the guy. Then I was hangin out with some girls from where I used to work, and I got to know this one girl pretty well and I rented my home to her when I moved into my husbands home...needless to say, big mistake! When it came time for her to move out my house it was trashed, lots of damage and a big mess!! So I got upset with her and asked how she could do this to me? So she's mad at me, like I'm the bad guy and so are all the other girls that work with her, so nobody talks to me. I feel so alone in this town, its hard to make friends here cause everyone basically sticks to their own, and the girls I do meet only phone if they want something, so I don't really want a friend like that either. Am I alone here?? Do friendships usual fade out as you get older (I'm 38 years old). My family all lives out of town, so I can't hang out with my mom or my sister either! Maybe I can find a friend here who has had similar experiences with friendships going sour. My husband is the bestest friend a girl could have, but sometimes you need that woman to woman friendship if you know what I mean?? Sorry to vent, but I had to talk to someone about this cause its been weighing heavy on my mind! Donna

free skin care · Fri Aug 20, 2004 10:10 am

Donna, I am sorry to hear about the problems you have had with friends. I still have loads I am 42 but one really special best friend. I also have some other close friends one of who has just found out that her 'best friend' is shagging her husband. She is obviously very upset and none of us can understand how the other person could do this. You need to get some some new good friends there are nice people out there. Good luck

free skin care · Fri Aug 20, 2004 11:27 am

I think that as we get older we tend to 'cull' friendships unless we are in constant touch. With so many of us not living in our 'home towns' , I think that we find it harder and harder to establish deep friends in new places. For example, I would accept an old friend from school giving me a rightious slagging off, but if one of my newer friends did it, I wouldn't talk to them again. Moosette, I can understand you being upset with your kindergarten friend, but she will hopefully get out of the relationship without too much hurt and, given that you both go back such a long way, you will be able to continue your relationship both being older and wiser Smile

The girl whop trashed your house is NOT a friend. No one who behaves like that should be given any time. Same goes for your co-workers. The whole lot just sound like immature users. It may take time, but you will weather the storm and eventually those who are true friends will be apparant. Looking for friendship will lead you up blind alleys, just as looking for love will. Be resolute, take all the support your husband offers and in future don't be so trusting. That is harsh I know, but you have been stung a little too often I'd say, so let THEM earn your friendship.
Sorry if I started to sound like a Baz Lhurman song there, but it is hard I know, just hang in there
Liz xxx

Fri Aug 20, 2004 1:41 pm

I believe that people come in and out of our lives for various reasons. As I've matured, I've concluded that we learn more about ourselves, as well as valuable lessons from each relationship - be it a friendship that has been strong for years, or one that has simply run it's course. Everyone has their share of genuine friends, casual friends, "fair-weather" friends, and those who they've decided not to be friendly-with anymore. It's just ... life! In my own experiences, young women tend to define themselves by their friends - particularly in high school, when popularity counts. (Afterwards, it means s***, as we all know!) Women are naturally more open with their friends, and build stronger, personal relationships. We value our friendships. As people grow & change, so do their values, priorities, and goals. Life gets in the way, and sometimes, friendships naturally dissolve; these friends become "aquaintances". I too have these.

There are also those relationships that last through thick & thin; the kind of friends whom one can go without seeing or talking to for a long time. Once they do reconnect, they pick up where they've left off. Close, lifetime friends. Cherish these, for I certainly do.
Cliche but true:

"You can't pick & choose your family, but you can pick & choose your friends." (I choose more wisely now)

"Quality is much better than quantity."

While some of these relationships end, and the dissolution-of (or betrayal) can be very painful, I feel that one has to be grateful for those relationshios ever existing. They've molded you into who you are as a person, and allowed you to develop more.

Fri Aug 20, 2004 1:41 pm

I believe that people come in and out of our lives for various reasons. As I've matured, I've concluded that we learn more about ourselves, as well as valuable lessons from each relationship - be it a friendship that has been strong for years, or one that has simply run it's course. Everyone has their share of genuine friends, casual friends, "fair-weather" friends, and those who they've decided not to be friendly-with anymore. It's just ... life! In my own experiences, young women tend to define themselves by their friends - particularly in high school, when popularity counts. (Afterwards, it means s***, as we all know!) Women are naturally more open with their friends, and build stronger, personal relationships. We value our friendships. As people grow & change, so do their values, priorities, and goals. Life gets in the way, and sometimes, friendships naturally dissolve; these friends become "aquaintances". I too have these.

There are also those relationships that last through thick & thin; the kind of friends whom one can go without seeing or talking to for a long time. Once they do reconnect, they pick up where they've left off. Close, lifetime friends. Cherish these, for I certainly do.
Cliche but true:

"You can't pick & choose your family, but you can pick & choose your friends." (I choose more wisely now)

"Quality is much better than quantity."

While some of these relationships end, and the dissolution-of (or betrayal) can be very painful, I feel that one has to be grateful for those relationships ever existing. They've molded you into who you are as a person, and allowed you to develop more.

Sat Aug 21, 2004 2:56 pm

I agree as time goes on I have found that the people that I call true friends have reduced, I know that they always be there for me and I can tell them anything.It does't matter about the number but the quality of the friendship. I think it is as a result of maturing and realising what is truly important in relationships. You find that you don't have to tolerate so called friends hurting you like you did in the past.
Donna don't give up you will find true friendships.
Collette

free skin care · Sun Aug 22, 2004 7:45 am

Thank-you so much for your wise advise, you've all made me feel so much better! I guess its true that real friendships do stand the test of time, I guess my friendships meant more to me than it did to the others. My husband also realizes that his friends have kind of drifted away and don't keep in touch as much as they are busy with their lives and families too, I recently had a 40th birthday party for him and everyone showed up for that which was really something special! I do tend to agree, I am a little to trusting with people and tend to get used alot which hurts, by both men and women. I didn't know if I'd get any responses to my post, but you girls made me feel so special because you took the time to give me you're words of wisdom! I love each and everyone of you for showing that you care, thankyou so much!!oxo

free skin care · Sun Aug 22, 2004 1:33 pm

Awwwwwww shucks! that's ok Embarassed

free skin care · Mon Aug 23, 2004 9:54 pm

I move a lot, so I tend to mentally resist getting attached to new friends. During my last move, a good friend I had made started crying and kept stating how upset she was since I was moving. Although it was going to be sad leaving a good friend, I couldn't bring myself emotionally feeling the same way. During my first move, I tried so hard to make new friends and really longed for them. Now I seem to just stay so busy keeping up with the kids- especially my toddler, that there hardly seems to be time to meet new people. Thank God for instant messaging on the internet, my true best friends from my high school/college days(15 yrs ago) are on there and we chat like we live next door to each other!! Like you, my husband is my best friend - can we really ask for more???(well yes we can, but in the long run it's preferable to have your husband as a best friend and handful of ok friends than a distant husband and great friends).

free skin care · Tue Aug 24, 2004 2:28 pm

Talking about good friends, best friends, friends that will lasts... I guess we mostly agree our husbands are our best of friends... that's me too. I've known my husband since were were in our teens... I have good and best friends during high school and college days, but after that we've all went our separate ways. Keeping in touch these days by email is one way although not all of whom I'd like to get in touch would chat with me, either they too are busy with their married lives or just not computer/internet savy.

My other best friend is my sister whom I talked every 2 or 3 weeks - int'l long distance I may add. Burned about 45 mins to 1 hr. of just plainly chatting/gossipping people whom I haven't seen for many years...over the phone.

But then here in my neighborhood, even my inlaws is not my best of buddies... well, just plain chitchat, but nothing to pour your soul or tell them your secrets so to speak.

Hence, yes my good friends from high school and college days have withered... and I just hang on to my high school fun memories.

Luckily I have my bestest friends forever my 7 yrs. old daughter and my 12 1/2 yrs. old son... now they're my good buddies... we go shopping, we go to the movies, we just go everywhere that we thought are fun to go to... Wink

Tue Aug 24, 2004 7:22 pm

FairlyFair, I am just like you! I was an Air Force brat growing up so I learned how to be on guard and not let people get too close, just as a defense mechanism for myself since I knew how crushing the first moves were for me in terms of leaving friends. Now that I'm 31, my true friends are my buds from high school (since I actually got to stay in a location for 12 years after my dad retired) and my best friend in the entire world is my husband and I wouldn't have it any other way. Razz

free skin care · Wed Aug 25, 2004 1:02 pm

Vegasgirl - Lucky you to be able to be settled during the later years. That's our goal is to move while kids are young, and get settled by the time they are preteen. One of my good friends that I met who was my neighbor in TLF here was telling me she was the same way - not getting attached as a defense mechanism, while her friend was in tears. We've hit it off pretty well since we share that common feeling.
As far as high school friends/college - besides keeping in touch through the internet; I try to go to my hometown(visit my parents) twice a year - we always have a great get together and pick up where we left off. I do miss the fact that our kids aren't growing up together, but then again I think it's exciting to have so many experiences by moving. We've met so many different people and keep the stability from within our family.

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