Aging gracefully
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free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:06 am

Someone who I have not seen for a while asked me "What have you done to yourself you look so good", so I told her, everything, honestly. Cosmetic surgery, fillers, dermarolling,CP's,RA, estriol cream, Led, Facemaster, yada, yada,yada. She is my age. Yellowish grey hair (could use a brightener to remove that yellow cast) flaky dry skin-definitely needs exfoliation and moisturizer, flabby saggy skin could use some exercise there! She had the nerve to say" can't you just age gracefully?" When I came to, I asked what is that, and she said, just be yourself. I replied I am myself,only better. The whole conversation got uglier. I believe that in MY way I am aging gracefully.Aging doesn't bother me , but looking like a "seahag" does! What are your thoughts on this?

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:58 am

I agree with DarkMoon, it doesn't mean letting yourself go at all.

My response to the lady would have been simple... "you just said I look so good. Enough said!"

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:23 am

She was attempting to justify why she chooses not to fight aging, not so much hurt your feelings.

I think it is a defense mechanism, to criticize others who succeed and mostly LOOK GOOD. Be it eating right, exercising, or taking the time for skincare, and even financial success.

The under achiever always try to vilify the person who is successful thinking they are shallow or spend too much time from life and family to be so??? rich or beautiful. So, she had to throw that out there..." Can't you just age gracefully."

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:42 am

hotdocgirl wrote:

She was attempting to justify why she chooses not to fight aging, not so much hurt your feelings.

I think it is a defense mechanism, to criticize others who succeed and mostly LOOK GOOD. Be it eating right, exercising, or taking the time for skincare, and even financial success.

The under achiever always try to vilify the person who is successful thinking they are shallow or spend too much time from life and family to be so??? rich or beautiful. So, she had to throw that out there..." Can't you just
age gracefully."

There would be a massive difference in my perception if the statement had been along the lines of - Wow that sounds like a lot of effort but it's sure working for you, me I just can't be bothered so I choose to just grow old gracefully.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:31 pm

I dont recommend telling anyone you have had surgery,I only told my family(had to) and a few close friends.Its none of their damn business.Aging is not graceful,you have to work at looking good after 40. I would prefer to spend my money on my face and drive an old car rather to drive a new mercedes with a saggy old face!

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:38 pm

jasminerosey wrote:

i'm not perceiving it..or rmc7... the way i perceive you indicating that i am ,DK...

i'm coming from another level or dimension of our realty...and i don't feel that this is the right forum to pursue this....but i as well as you ..are trying to bring some inner peace to rmc7 around this issue.

I have to respond because my statement that stated I see rmc7 as a secure woman is my perception about what my instincts are, so I wasn't indicating anything about your perceptions at all!
I believe there is only one perception we can honestly speak too and that is our own, at least that is how I deal with things on the level of reality I am on.

I also personally think at times it helps to let others know their reaction in that moment is completely understandable and that we would react the same way. But that's me.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:58 pm

My feeling on this is that what other people think or feel only makes a difference to me if I choose to allow it to.
Also, what other people choose for themselves is none of my business, just as what I choose for myself, is none of theirs.
If I believe that my choices must be approved by others, and that their approval means that I have made the right choice, then I have given all of my power over my own life to them. And I am doomed to be miserable.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:50 pm

DarkMoon,

I am in complete agreement with you.

That is where the element of choice is an important distinction. We can choose those individuals whose opinions are important to us and make our choices accordingly. It is often important or necessary to make a choice for ourselves that another person has chosen for us. And hopefully, they will do the same for us.

Being 'gobsmacked' by someone will either leave me speechless or I will spout out the first words that come to my mouth. Often, these words have bypassed my brain entirely, and would have been better off left unsaid.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:04 pm

Actually this was a RELATIVE! Holiday gatherings come but once a year or so. I try never to be dishonest or rude, actually I started to laugh because she seemed so hostile towards me that it really became funny. I agree with the assessment here that aging is not in it self graceful, we do have to work at it. My 80 yr old Grandma used to tell me some days she would wake up feeling like a 16 yr old...then she would look in the mirror and see this old woman looking back. I felt so bad for her. She didn't have the opportunities that I have, and I am so grateful for everyday of my life.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:27 pm

Ahh I think that person was incredibly rude and judgemental. There was absolutely no reason to say ' you should age gracefully' . I would put it down to jealousy and try not to think too much more about it.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:37 pm

rmc7 wrote:

Someone who I have not seen for a while asked me "What have you done to yourself you look so good", so I told her, everything, honestly. Cosmetic surgery, fillers, dermarolling,CP's,RA, estriol cream, Led, Facemaster, yada, yada,yada. She is my age. Yellowish grey hair (could use a brightener to remove that yellow cast) flaky dry skin-definitely needs exfoliation and moisturizer, flabby saggy skin could use some exercise there! She had the nerve to say" can't you just age gracefully?" When I came to, I asked what is that, and she said, just be yourself. I replied I am myself,only better. The whole conversation got uglier. I believe that in MY way I am aging gracefully.Aging doesn't bother me , but looking like a "seahag" does! What are your thoughts on this?

I would say that you are aging gracefully in your way and she is aging gracefully in her way. I do think it is rude to ask someone what they are doing to look so great and then be judgmental about the response. But I think if someone wants to do nothing to their appearance to combat aging and risk looking like a "seahag" that's their right too. I think it's best not to judge, but it's important to let others know that you're proud of your decisions.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 5:37 pm

My idea of aging gracefully is doing everything you can to look you damn best.....whatever that means to each person and however big their pocketbook or carecredit card is!! Laughing

Aging gracefully to me means admitting you age and accepting the compliments that you don't look it(especially after you have done so many things to earn that compliment)!!!!! Laughing

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 6:01 pm

jom wrote:

I would say that you are aging gracefully in your way and she is aging gracefully in her way. I do think it is rude to ask someone what they are doing to look so great and then be judgmental about the response. But I think if someone wants to do nothing to their appearance to combat aging and risk looking like a "seahag" that's their right too. I think it's best not to judge, but it's important to let others know that you're proud of your decisions.

I agree with jom. I don't think it was right of her to ask what you were doing and then give you that response, but not everyone is as in to skin care, gadgets, and just appearance in general. The key point in the OP's post was "MY way" and everyone has their own way.

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 7:00 pm

DarkMoon wrote:

Toby wrote:

My idea of aging gracefully is doing everything you can to look you damn best.....whatever that means to each person and however big their pocketbook or carecredit card is!! Laughing

Aging gracefully to me means admitting you age and accepting the compliments that you don't look it(especially after you have done so many things to earn that compliment)!!!!! Laughing

I agree Toby, and also some like my mom didn't have all the gadgets and never had any procedures unless you consider electrolysis a procedure. She did take care of her skin, stayed thin, always had her hair (colored) styled weekly along with a manicure put her war paint on daily (make up) and dressed very well. Also never gave up heels. I would say her idea of aging gracefully included all tools at her disposal (that she chose) and great genetics, because she looked very good until she passed away.

My mom is 79 and has a chubby beautiful face and hardly looks 50. She also wears her high heels...even to do her yard work! She constantly complains about all those white headed people that can't drive fast enough(I keep her hair dyed nicely) and she fusses at me if I don't recognize the latest styles. She loves to tell people her age and watch them flip out

and like your mother she has done everything that was available to her. I hope I can keep her youthful attitude...I took her to a fitness spa for exercising and she saw a lot of older people there(her age) and she said she wasn't going to exercise with "the old folks"! Laughing

free skin care · Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:37 pm

I was thinking about the title of this thread "graceful aging".
I would like to think, and actually believe, that the efforts of everyone on EDS forums, to improve their appearance or fight the signs of aging= in other words- "graceful aging" is directly related to the more important aspect of aging gracefully in terms of their efforts to improve the lives of others.

Although I am a new member I have been reading the EDS forums at least since 2005 and I have not seen any other forums where women support and help each other and have the camaraderie that EDS members have.
I would actually be willing to wager that the graceful agers of these forums also are gracefully aging in regards to their efforts to help others in many aspects of their lives, not just these boards.

I would not be concerned about others sentiments towards our efforts to look better or younger as EDS forum members know that is only a small part of "graceful aging".

I hope that made sense.

free skin care · Mon Nov 29, 2010 12:29 am

jasminerosey wrote:

i'm coming from another level or dimension of our realty...and i don't feel that this is the right forum to pursue this....but i as well as you ..are trying to bring some inner peace to rmc7 around this issue.

Jasminerosey - unless you are a Martian, I am sure that you are dealing with exactly the same human emotions that all of us have to deal with. Basic human kindness shouldn't have to come from "another level or dimension of our reality" - if we are decent human beings, it should be innate in all of us.

free skin care · Mon Nov 29, 2010 2:36 am

DarkMoon wrote:

I'd say you are in good company here Keliu I think we are mostly all a bit obsessed and manic about this battle with showing the years! Bad Grin

A cute little quote for all of us!

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.

Eleanor Roosevelt

The issue today is that there are means at our disposal to try and hold back the years (albeit expensive ones). Our mothers and grandmothers had no choice but to accept what nature intended. If only becoming a "work of art" was cheaper and less painful!

free skin care · Mon Nov 29, 2010 9:49 am

Let me see if I can put this simply:

People who are happy with themselves and with you are generally happy for you, whatever you choose to do as long as it's not harmful or illegal lol (the rest is your own business).

People who are either unhappy with themselves and/or you are generally not happy for you, whatever you do.

BF

free skin care · Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:51 am

rmc7 wrote:

Someone who I have not seen for a while asked me "What have you done to yourself you look so good", so I told her, everything, honestly. Cosmetic surgery, fillers, dermarolling,CP's,RA, estriol cream, Led, Facemaster, yada, yada,yada.

Possibly by the time you got on to the LED she may have thought you were speaking a foreign language? Most people don't speak skincare - our EDS language. Smile

She may have been expecting a simple "I've been on holiday" or such. Still, no excuse for the rude "can't you just age gracefully" comment....

Anyway what exactly is "aging gracefully"? I hope to be just as disgraceful in my impending old age as I was in my youth. Laughing

free skin care · Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:19 pm

DarkMoon wrote:

I'd say you are in good company here Keliu I think we are mostly all a bit obsessed and manic about this battle with showing the years! Bad Grin

A cute little quote for all of us!

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Love that Quote!That is one I will definitely remember.

free skin care · Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:42 pm

If I could I would make you a shirt with that embroidered on it, maybe you could wear it next time you see that relative! Bad Grin

free skin care · Mon Nov 29, 2010 9:58 pm

Barefootgirl wrote:

Let me see if I can put this simply:

People who are happy with themselves and with you are generally happy for you, whatever you choose to do as long as it's not harmful or illegal lol (the rest is your own business).

People who are either unhappy with themselves and/or you are generally not happy for you, whatever you do.

BF

I think too that it could just be a case of "relative rivalry." Much like sibling rivalry (or co-worker rivalry Rolling Eyes

). And, I think rmc7 may have been feeling a bit betrayed which I think is called for because she was complimented then ridiculed when she responded. I think jasminerosy was just trying to say that the relative hit a nerve by what she said and that rmc7 was somehow unconsciously not that secure with the anti-aging steps she is taking. But, I think it was more a case of rmc7 feeling betrayed. Just my two cents.

free skin care · Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:44 pm

Further to your point jom, if one was truly insecure in those anti-aging choices would they divulge that information so freely? I don't imagine an insecure person being so upfront and forthcoming about their choices. Just MHO Smile

free skin care · Sun Dec 05, 2010 9:11 pm

I love the different personalities of women. I have to say...I have always bonded with and enjoy the company of glamorous women...who fight for their looks...claws firmly clamped into the down slope of the hill.

Women who fight for their looks are vital and vibrant...and so much fun. Their shear will is what makes them beautiful...not so much their faces.

I think everyone loves to be around someone who has so much sparkle. I don't want to be the gray haired bun lady.

Here's to all of you who keep up the fight!

free skin care · Mon Dec 06, 2010 3:27 am

hotdocgirl wrote:

I love the different personalities of women. I have to say...I have always bonded with and enjoy the company of glamorous women...who fight for their looks...claws firmly clamped into the down slope of the hill.

Women who fight for their looks are vital and vibrant...and so much fun. Their shear will is what makes them beautiful...not so much their faces.

I think everyone loves to be around someone who has so much sparkle. I don't want to be the gray haired bun lady.

Here's to all of you who keep up the fight!

Now that is what I call aging gracefully! Wink

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