Experience on being child free.
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free skin care · Mon Jan 17, 2011 9:49 am

erg wrote:

For sure - I absolutely agree that women with children have achieved wonderful things. Raising a child in itself is quite an accomplishment - one that should be admired.

With that being said, some of the decisions that I have made could not have been possible with children. I am able to take more chances and explore more opportunities because I am not responsible for another.

I respect what you are saying erg, and I don't believe anyone must have kids. I just know when you do and choose to make life changes, where there is a will there is a way. Smile

free skin care · Mon Jan 17, 2011 1:02 pm

I had wanted kids for a very long time. In fact the urge first happened when I was 16. Im 38 now... and Im sooo happy I dont have children. The thought makes me cringe actually.

I have been able to travel the world quite a few times - something that I would maybe never have the chance to do otherwise.

I also have anxiety which has gotten much worse in the last few years. I see kids in public and I dont even pay attention to them unless they are making a scene and then I just thank God I dont have any cause I wouldnt be able to handle those situations anymore.

What Ive done with any motherly instincts or needs is directed towards animals. I spend a lot of time and money caring and helping animals in need... and for me it makes me happy and gives me a purpose. I definitely dont want to be that lady with 50 cats either(i only have 2 now).

The 2 things that DO bother me are my parents never being grandparents and this general snobby attitude I feel others have towards childless women. THAT pisses me off!!! I remember watching "the View" one day and I cant remember what exactly was said... but it was this general attitude that they were better because they were mothers. I dont mean ANY disrespect to the mothers on this board but... so what, its not that difficult (for most) to have children. We all know it happens quite often by accident. So thats what I dont get or what annoys me. I know its a hard job and some fail... but there is definitely an annoying attitude that most have towards women like me.

My situation isnt really based on choice - 10 years ago I definitely would have done so if i had the opportunity... but at this point Im very happy with how things turned out.

free skin care · Mon Jan 17, 2011 2:40 pm

jasminerosey wrote:

..but life creates need for family sacrifice ...which, after my parents die...my husband and I will, unlike these friends, will no longer have.

This is another issue we often have to deal with. Just when your children have grown and are off your hands, your parents become dependent - this can also become a situation which ties you down.

free skin care · Fri Jan 28, 2011 9:13 am

I'm 36 and child free... more because of life circumstances and thinking "it's not the time yet".

Although I'm obviously happy with my life, I definitely regret not having children earlier. I think I was always waiting for the "perfect moment" and the truth is that there is no perfect moment. I'm dying to have kids now but just this time hubby is travelling so not a lot of kid making opportunities.

I think in the end it really depends on what you want to do with life. I love family life with kids. I am looking forward to having kids and taking them to the park, sitting with them doing homeowork, taking care of them when they're sick and cranky (hopefully not too often!) etc, etc. I am also terrified because I think any mistake can screw them up! I want to be a good parent and I'm not sure I know how! I wouldn't mind if almost 100% of my free time in the next 18 years is spent doing stuff with/for the kids.

So I think you need to think how do you want to spend the next (approx) 18 years of your life. There's people that regret having kids and people that regret not having kids. There's people happy with kids and people not happy with kids.

For example, I have a friend that loves, loves travelling. Every year she plans her new adventures and travels. For her, having kids is out of the question. She wouldn't be able to travel as much because it would cost her more and she wouldn't be able to go to her "exotic" places because she'd fear for the child's safety. Having children is not appealing to her and so she and her husband are a happy childless family. Then I have another friend who has a Phd and had a great job. She had the first 2 kids and was very happy and now had the 3rd and quit working and she says she's the happiest she's ever been in her life.

A note of caution regarding research of happiness in "childless vs. with-child" women: there's a lot of factors that confound the association. For example, research that lumps all women together include the many young women that had unwanted pregnancies that have lower socioeconomic status, etc. When you adjust for that, the association disappears. They also fail to adjust for husband's role. In short, most research that has taken into consideration lots of confounding variables has found that there's no difference in happiness between childless and with-children mothers as long as the childless mothers have a social support network and emotional attachments

free skin care · Fri Jan 28, 2011 8:41 pm

SoftSkin wrote:

Josee wrote:

I love family life with kids. I am looking forward to having kids and taking them to the park, sitting with them doing homeowork, taking care of them when they're sick and cranky (hopefully not too often!)

There are thousands of children who desperately need foster homes. You actually get paid, too! It's a very unselfish thing to do. Win-win for everybody.

Yes it's definitely unselfish (and a great thing to do) but it's definitely not for everyone!

I don't think I could go through the process of getting emotionally attached and then have to cut ties. I also don't think I'm experienced enough to deal with kids that come from problem homes with a lot of baggage in my case Sad

This was also a discussion I had with my husband. We are planning on having one biological child and 1 (or 2) adopted kids. And I had to be honest with myself, given the fact that I work and I'm busy, and realize that I wouldn't be able to take care of a child with FAS or similar and thus we decided to adopt internationally from a country where there's almost no FAS or drug problems among women who put their kids up for adoption (we're on the waiting list Smile

)

I have deep respect and admiration for the many men and women who take care of kids with problems and children with special needs. We definitely need people with such big hearts!

free skin care · Fri Jan 28, 2011 8:54 pm

The friend I mentioned has a daughter with physical and mental disabilities and was diagnosed with severe Lupus at 17. She takes in crack addicted babies an ends up adopting many. Her kids all chip in and help in that house, which I think builds character. I never walked in to her house without being handed a baby to feed or change, and that's fine by me, what she does is amazing and it takes a special person to do what she does. My point was the amount that the system doles out to clothe and feed foster kids doesn't come close to the actual expense of doing so. Smile

free skin care · Thu May 05, 2011 4:19 am

hey Kassy , soo true everything I was going to say in a very funny way Laughing

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