Rant: Being called "Ma'am" and why it sucks
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free skin care · Mon Dec 19, 2011 12:23 pm

Ok, I have to rant a bit. I went into a coffee shop this morning and was called "ma'am" twice by a girl who works there. What's with the "ma'am"? I have heard it more often in the last year than ever before, and I have to admit it makes me cringe every time. I am only 32 and I have been told I look like I am in my twenties. I have girlfriends who are close to my age (slightly younger) who are also getting the "ma'am" treatment. All of us are active women who are not married yet and are currently pursuing our individual dreams. Usually, I feel empowered and confident, but whenever I am called "ma'am", I feel knocked down a peg somehow-- I feel matronly and "old" for a moment. I realize it is a polite gesture, but I personally think it sucks. Anyone else relate?

Mon Dec 19, 2011 7:41 pm

You might like this thread, jenp7: Smile

The difference between Mam' and Miss?
http://www.essentialdayspa.com/forum/viewthread.php?tid=22994

free skin care · Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:38 am

Ha, I had forgotten about that thread!
Again, in my neck of the woods, Ma'm is a sign of respect. Maybe old school to some, but not meant to be offensive and it never fails to make me smile!

free skin care · Tue Dec 20, 2011 9:33 am

jenp7 wrote:

I am only 32 and I have been told I look like I am in my twenties. I have girlfriends who are close to my age (slightly younger) who are also getting the "ma'am" treatment.

There you have it. You know that you are not being called Ma'am because you are old looking. It is a respectful term to use when you are serving or speaking to a woman that you do not know. Since you are obviously a grown woman, what else should they refer to you as? I'm not saying I don't understand where you are coming from. I cringed too when I started getting called Ma'am. I still have moments when it bothers me. But, I realize most people are just being respectful. I know it's hard not to feel you are being called ma'am because you are old looking. It is difficult to get used to this for some women. But, when someone refers to me as Miss I do get excited.

free skin care · Tue Dec 20, 2011 2:14 pm

I get called ma'am all the time. And when I lived in the French speaking part of Switzerland, I was called madame. It's just a sign of respect.

free skin care · Tue Dec 20, 2011 2:33 pm

I wouldn't worry too much until people get up to offer you a seat on the bus Very Happy

free skin care · Tue Dec 20, 2011 3:22 pm

Lotusesther wrote:

I wouldn't worry too much until people get up to offer you a seat on the bus Very Happy

Good one.

free skin care · Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:42 pm

Ooooh, wait! I'd LOVE if people offered me a seat on the bus! I wouldn't take it as a sign that I look old, just that I'm a pleasant looking enough woman that they wouldn't mind giving up their seat for me. Especially if its a guy and I'm dressed nicely or if I've already shared some kind of nice exchange, i.e. a smile or a comment, with them. I find it very flattering - just a kind gesture! Chivalry?

I also give up my seat in waiting areas to people for various reasons and always mean to be kind and never mean to offend. Sometimes I'm just getting up/off soon, or sometimes they just look like they'd appreciate it... in dress & heels, fumbling with their purse/wallet etc.

Lets not start giving people more complexes about their age around here! Smile

free skin care · Tue Dec 20, 2011 7:48 pm

I thought I was the only one who cringes when being called this. I'm almost 27 and I'm told I can pass for 23-24. I hate when people call me ma'am. It happened to me yesterday. I HAAAAAATE it.

free skin care · Wed Dec 21, 2011 8:50 am

Then it would be hard to be from the town I am from, haha! You would get a talking to from your parents if you didn't! We need more manners/respect as it is in this world, IMHO.

free skin care · Sat Dec 24, 2011 11:18 am

yeah, I think I was worried that I was starting to look old and that is why I am getting the ma'ams. It seems to not matter if I am in the midwest or the southwest, so I guess there is just something that signals I need a "ma'am" for respect, and hopefully that thing is something positive Smile

It still makes me cringe.

free skin care · Sat Dec 24, 2011 12:02 pm

I think children should be taught to address all adults as Ma'am and Sir.

free skin care · Sun Dec 25, 2011 8:10 am

Very positive! Very Happy

Mon Jan 02, 2012 2:33 am

Come to England, you wont get called Maam even if you were 100. People don't bother with the whole people polite stuff, no thanks, no maam just nothing. I guess North Americans don't appreciate their pleasant customer service skills.

free skin care · Mon Jan 02, 2012 3:00 pm

teewoods wrote:

Come to England, you wont get called Maam even if you were 100. People don't bother with the whole people polite stuff, no thanks, no maam just nothing. I guess North Americans don't appreciate their pleasant customer service skills.

How times have changed. Americans used to be criticized by Brits for being brash and loud while Americans thought of Brits as reserved. I guess reserved has evolved into ignored these days. I blame the parents, the benefits culture and unbridled immigration where people don't assimilate, expecting natives to change for them.

free skin care · Sat Jan 07, 2012 6:16 pm

jenp7 wrote:

Ok, I have to rant a bit. I went into a coffee shop this morning and was called "ma'am" twice by a girl who works there. What's with the "ma'am"? I have heard it more often in the last year than ever before, and I have to admit it makes me cringe every time. I am only 32 and I have been told I look like I am in my twenties. I have girlfriends who are close to my age (slightly younger) who are also getting the "ma'am" treatment. All of us are active women who are not married yet and are currently pursuing our individual dreams. Usually, I feel empowered and confident, but whenever I am called "ma'am", I feel knocked down a peg somehow-- I feel matronly and "old" for a moment. I realize it is a polite gesture, but I personally think it sucks. Anyone else relate?

Oh, don't let it affect you! Like you said, people tell you that you look like you are in your twenties. I really do think it's just a sign of respect for everyone post-college age. Now that I've moved to the South, the majority of times I get called ma'am too, but most people think that I'm in my mid- to late-twenties and some people ask me if I'm still in school. I really don't think it means anything personally, other than a sign of respect. The true test is what age people think you are.

Mon Jan 09, 2012 4:11 am

I understand how you feel, it also feels wrong to be called maam! I always think I look old. But at the same time, like you, I look younger. SO I don't worry too much about it. Smile

free skin care · Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:50 am

jenp7 wrote:

Ok, I have to rant a bit. I went into a coffee shop this morning and was called "ma'am" twice by a girl who works there. What's with the "ma'am"? I have heard it more often in the last year than ever before, and I have to admit it makes me cringe every time. I am only 32 and I have been told I look like I am in my twenties. I have girlfriends who are close to my age (slightly younger) who are also getting the "ma'am" treatment. All of us are active women who are not married yet and are currently pursuing our individual dreams. Usually, I feel empowered and confident, but whenever I am called "ma'am", I feel knocked down a peg somehow-- I feel matronly and "old" for a moment. I realize it is a polite gesture, but I personally think it sucks. Anyone else relate?

Well I'll just give my theory because I'm hearing it a lot too but in my case it's true because I'm over 40. I think a lot of these younger people in customer service jobs hate their jobs. There's a lot of attitude problems going on...a lot of angry people apparently. Where I live a lot of them are also saying "how you doin'" and "how are you TODAY" or "how can I help you TODAY" in kind of a sarcastic tone that I really don't like. In addition to being called m'aam. Just shut up and do your job.

free skin care · Mon Jan 09, 2012 11:27 am

gretchen wrote:

I think a lot of these younger people in customer service jobs hate their jobs.

Plenty of people would be happy to replace them.

free skin care · Mon Jan 09, 2012 1:07 pm

You bet!
Be grateful every day you are alive (A) and that you HAVE a job (B).
When you are counseling homeless families you learn to appreciate what you have!
Sorry, it's just the stories I hear and the faces I see makes the little stuff seem so petty.
Compassion, manners, gratitude, that's what we need more of and less whining, pity parties and selfishness.

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