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Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:32 pm  |
| My friend was pretty commitment phobic before she met her current boyfriend. Now she really wants to marry him, and they've been dating for just 9 months. I think it's depending on who you met. If you just feel like he's not the right one, then you'll not want to commit. However if you feel that way, I think you should just move on. I know someone who broke up after 3.5 years, and the girl was the one who did not want to go to the next step, i.e get married. She's very commitment phobic. |
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Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:47 pm |
Of course.
I am not afraid of commitments. I am afraid of mistakes and misery.
The thing is, I keep my commitments. If I didn't, I would be much more cavalier about them.
I've split from a few men who wanted to marry me in my life.
I know. Amazing, huh? Statistics are never talking about me.  |
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tenderlovingwork.com, astonishing handmade gifts |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 2:00 am |
| Of course! I am, for one, rather commitment phobic. I ended up splitting up with my ex because he wanted to get married. |
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26 with dehydrated combo skin, prone to blackheads and congestions, NC20-25 |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:26 am |
This reminds me of sex and the city.  I am with bkkgirl. If you feel that way, perhaps you should just move on. |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 10:00 am |
| I think one thing that I pulled from this article is that the longer you are single, the harder it is to give up that single life. For example, I'm 34 never been married. I come and go as I please. I make decisions on my own. My ex b/f divorced with a child, so moving things forward was a bear. Why? because I wasn't just dealing with myself. Anyhow, I think that's another way of looking at it as well. I want to get married. I think at the end of the day I want to be married with a family. |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 11:51 am |
I've been engaged twice and couldn't go through with it either time. Both times I was soo freaked out over it. Instead of it being the happiest time in my life, it was the most miserable. I was breaking out in hives all over my body and face. After finding out my hives were a result of stress; I knew...
I think for me it's not fear of commitment,it's fear of making the wrong choice. However, at the end of the day, I believe when it's right, everything will fall into place. |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 12:15 pm |
I think that I'm along the same lines as skincarefreak, however I'm only 20 and don't really consider myself an adult  I think that once you hit the independence plateau, it's very difficult to go back, and if you do, you're very unhappy. I entered this mindframe last year and it was the cause of my unhappiness with a man who didn't understand why I felt so threatened about not having my own time.
For me, it's not commitment, but the fear of not being my own person, as *well* as being that girl in love. I am both, but sometimes I can only be one, and a man has to respect that if I enter STRONG WOMAN mode! |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 1:14 pm |
| ~*Beru*~ wrote: |
I've been engaged twice and couldn't go through with it either time. Both times I was soo freaked out over it. Instead of it being the happiest time in my life, it was the most miserable. I was breaking out in hives all over my body and face. After finding out my hives were a result of stress; I knew...
I think for me it's not fear of commitment,it's fear of making the wrong choice. However, at the end of the day, I believe when it's right, everything will fall into place. |
I completely agree. I'm pettrified of making the wrong choice as well.
FrevaKZ,
I think it's important to walk into a relationship strong. In the beginning he'll see you for who you are. I think my mistake was that I wasn't that strong and became strong in the end. It would have been easier in the long run if I stood up for what I wanted from the get go. |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 1:18 pm |
| You're absolutely right! I won't make the same mistake twice! Once the tears and the heartache is over, it's time to look ahead and be your own woman and live the way you want to. That always comforted me. |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:13 pm |
| Women have come a very very long way since the '50's. I admire our new spirit, independence and our realization that we do have choices - good choices. Also, that we are not afraid to exercise those choices. I don't see this as a phobia, but a coming of age so to speak. |
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53 and starting to show it |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 5:43 pm |
| Yes. I think for both men and women, it takes time to get ready for commitments. When it's the right time, with the right person at the right place, then one will naturally be ready. |
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Wed Mar 07, 2007 6:22 pm |
| I second that. |
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53 and starting to show it |
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Thu Mar 08, 2007 12:46 am |
| There are always people who go through life and die without ever getting married. Also Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn never got married, right? |
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Mabsy
Moderator
 
Joined: 17 Aug 2003
Posts: 9644
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Thu Mar 08, 2007 12:46 am |
| I really hope that it only depends on who you meet, otherwise my track record is against me and I'm as commitment phobic as they come Don't get me wrong, while I am in a relationship I am committed and faithful, but I have chickened out of the marriage step twice now and I'm really hoping that it's just a case of them not being the right one. |
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45, NW20, combination skin |
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Thu Mar 08, 2007 4:17 am |
Well, I've dodged the marriage bullet three times now. Looking back, I realize that one or the other of us was probably not mature enough to really make a go of it. I am unbelievably relieved I never married any of those guys because there's no way any of those marriages would have lasted. I would either have been divorced multiple times, or in the case of one guy in particular, I would currently be posting this from prison for squeezing the last drop of life right out of him with my bare hands and probably savoring the thought of having done it every day of my existence on death row!
Obviously, I have not met the right guy and/or it has not been the right time! I *think* I might like to get married one day, and I *think* I might like to have children, but I'm not dying to do either right now, so obviously I won't until I feel I must. If I end my days without having done either, then no big whoop! |
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Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:21 am |
| There were two men in my life that wanted to get married as well, but I didn't want to marry them. I'm not sorry that I didn't marry them. I think as time goes on we do tend to become pickier...I think only time will tell if I am commitmentphobic or not. |
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Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:22 am |
| yeah, I don't want to get divorced. So, remain single still! |
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Thu Mar 08, 2007 7:28 pm |
| Marriage isn't for everyone and neither is a committed or monogamous relationship. It all depends on what you want out of life and what makes you happy. I believe there are no wrong choices, just lessons learned. I for one am all for committment. I just keep running into men who aren't ready for the next step. I've been married once before but this hasn't kept me from wanting to take the plunge again. I just think a lot of people are scared nowadays of choosing incorrectly or moving too quickly. I think you can never know for sure if it's the right time or the right person - it may just be THE time or THE person for THAT time in your life. But if your instincts are telling you to run, then run. I think the point in life is to trust ourselves and listen to ourselves so that we can spare ourselves more heartache but I think keeping ourselves from committing to someone fully and feeling that deep and intimate bond is just as bad, if not worse, then ending up with Mr Wrong. Why rob ourselves of something that could be the best thing that ever happens to us soley out of fear? Seems silly to me. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." |
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Global Butterfly & Certified Aromatherapist/Holisitc Therapist with a passion for travel and natural health.  |
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Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:25 pm |
| wildflower wrote: |
| Marriage isn't for everyone and neither is a committed or monogamous relationship. It all depends on what you want out of life and what makes you happy. I believe there are no wrong choices, just lessons learned. I for one am all for committment. I just keep running into men who aren't ready for the next step. I've been married once before but this hasn't kept me from wanting to take the plunge again. I just think a lot of people are scared nowadays of choosing incorrectly or moving too quickly. I think you can never know for sure if it's the right time or the right person - it may just be THE time or THE person for THAT time in your life. But if your instincts are telling you to run, then run. I think the point in life is to trust ourselves and listen to ourselves so that we can spare ourselves more heartache but I think keeping ourselves from committing to someone fully and feeling that deep and intimate bond is just as bad, if not worse, then ending up with Mr Wrong. Why rob ourselves of something that could be the best thing that ever happens to us soley out of fear? Seems silly to me. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." |
Well-said! I am like you, have been married and after my divorce, swore up and down I'd never ever marry again. Why should I saddle myself with someone I had to take care of and become his maid? But now I met my boyfriend, and I love him, and if he asked me to marry him, I totally would. If he did not ask though after the time I felt was right, I would check with him what was holding him up, and if it turned out he was commitment phobic, then I'd rather move on. |
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Thu Mar 08, 2007 9:27 pm |
| MermaidGirl wrote: |
| Obviously, I have not met the right guy and/or it has not been the right time! I *think* I might like to get married one day, and I *think* I might like to have children, but I'm not dying to do either right now, so obviously I won't until I feel I must. If I end my days without having done either, then no big whoop! |
MG, I think you did the right thing to go with your gut. You're also still very young. If I had a daughter, I would tell her to wait until after she turned 30 before even THINKING about getting married. I know for myself, I became much more mature after 30. Yeah, you're right that one should definitely not feel pressured to get married just b/c the clock is ticking. |
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Fri Mar 09, 2007 2:25 am |
Umm, I think for both men and women fear that.
mumu |
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Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:17 am |
| i fear commitment too. Its all that "what if" questions that come to mind. |
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Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:14 am |
| j0g6345 wrote: |
| Yes. I think for both men and women, it takes time to get ready for commitments. When it's the right time, with the right person at the right place, then one will naturally be ready. |
can't agree more! |
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Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:18 pm |
| aye |
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