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Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:49 pm  |
Hi guys, need to do a little venting.
My Grandma raised me since I was 4 years old. My grandma and grandpa were my mother and father. My grandpa died 4 years ago, but because, I guess, I still had my grandma, it didn't hurt as much.
My grandma, and the rest of my family, all live in Michigan. I now live in Connecticut. I miss them all terribly, and spent xmas with them last year.
My grandma hasn't been doing well these last few weeks. She's completely lost control of her bladder in the middle of the kitchen, in the living room, and doesn't even realize it. She also over the last week can't remember anyone in the family. She remembered me finally, but only after quite a bit of prodding.
They took her to the dr's, hoping it wasn't a stroke. They did a CT scan of her brain, and found a huge 6.3cm tumor in the left frontal lobe of her brain, with a 1.7cm one accompanying it. They admitted her into ICU. She now can't talk, but she seems to understand things on a basic level. They tried giving her a pad of paper on which to write when she became too frustrated, she wrote letters, but none of it made any sense. The neurologist believes that maybe she is relapsing with her colon cancer, and that's where this is originating, and why the tumor is growing so fast. Tomorrow she goes in for a full body CAT scan, to see if that is the case. If not, they are going to discuss operating on Monday.
I feel so helpless. I am so far away from my family, and I have to rely on waiting on pins and needles for my mom to call with updates. I am so SCARED that I won't be able to say goodbye. Where I work, they are very strict about absences, they even almost fired me because I had to take a week off of work to avoid something potentially life threatening. The General Manager is gone with a new baby, and the Front Office manager simply informed me that if she died, I have ONE DAY for bereavement purposes, and half that would probably be spent in the airport, not with my family.
I don't know what to do. I've found myself searching for airfare, but I don't know if they will fire me if I leave before she is dead.
She is 84, and I knew it was coming someday, but she is like my mom, she WAS my mom.....
Any advice?  |
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moi: Fair skin, green eyes, dark brown hair, 20's |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:05 pm |
This isn't a moment in your life you would forgive yourself for missing, were you given the option. If your work simply will not allow you to go consider putting in your two weeks notice or simply quitting, and dealing with whatever reprecussions there are for that once your family matters are more settled.
Remember that you can always find another job. Family is more important. |
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25, very fair, dry/sensitive, mild rosacea, otherwise good skin!  |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:11 pm |
| This is your mother you are talking about that you love dearly. Go! |
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The best way to locate your cat is to open a can of food. |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:17 pm |
I also think you should go.
You will torture yourself for the rest of your life if you do not.
If possible can you take some vacation time or unpaid leave? If not I still think you should go.
Sorry for your pain,
Lucy. |
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Early 50s, Skin: combin.,semi-sensitive, fair with occasional breakouts, some old acne scars, freckles, under-eye wrinkles; Redhead with hazel eyes |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:18 pm |
| I was in a similar position 2 years ago. I was extremely close to my grandma, her house was practically next door and she pretty much helped my mom raise us kids after my dad left. Then she had a stroke and was in the hospital. I only lived about 6 hours away but I was working on a big project at work, and we were working very long hours, even weekends. I did manage to take a weekend off to go home and visit with my grandma in the hospital, but she didn't know who I was. Then 2 weeks later I heard she wasn't doing well and they weren't sure if she would make it. We were trying to meet a deadline and I kept telling myself that she was strong and would get better. My mom kept telling me not to come home that grandma wouldn't know who I was anyway. My grandma passed away and I was basically a wreck for weeks after. I felt terribly guilty that I didn't just go be with her. And 2 years later I still feel terrible about it. So I say you should talk to your boss, tell them how important your grandma is to you and go be with her. If they won't give you the time off then give your notice. I would give anything to turn back time and to have been with my grandma when she passed. |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:18 pm |
| Harmonster wrote: |
This isn't a moment in your life you would forgive yourself for missing, were you given the option. If your work simply will not allow you to go consider putting in your two weeks notice or simply quitting, and dealing with whatever reprecussions there are for that once your family matters are more settled.
Remember that you can always find another job. Family is more important. |
I totally agree. |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:27 pm |
Sounds like you work for some real jerks. 
You need to see your Grandmother.
I am sorry for your pain,
Winnie |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:37 pm |
This is a decision you'll have to make. I just don't want you to feel guilty later that you weren't there..believe me, I know how awful the feeling is. I left my Dad for a couple of hours and when I came back it was too late..he suffered & died without me there..he was alone. I've never forgiven myself & I never will. I deal with the guilt daily and it's 3 years now.
Besides, who wants to work for complete jackasses. |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:39 pm |
I am sorry for the grief you must feel. I won't give advice, but cite a few situations I have faced.
My mother and I lived on separate coasts when she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer at age 62. The prognosis was poor. I was 33 years old, and my son was 5 years old. He had known my Mom as she took loving care of him as a baby when I worked. I worked at one of the largest credit unions in the country, in middle management. I went to my supervisor and asked if I could take my bereavement leave while my mother was alive. She went to H.R. on my behalf, and they said it had never been asked before, but, "yes." I took my son and we flew back to surprise her and spend a week. She was bedridden, but, the look on her face when we showed up at her bedroom door, was priceless. It was not easy for me when she died, 4 months later, not to go to the funeral, but, I had made an agreement with my employer. I had to weigh what mattered most to me, and, to this day, I am so glad I did it that way. Sadly, my siblings have held that choice against me, but, that's their issue, not mine.
Presently, I have a brother over 1000 miles away who is dealing with an awful recurrence of anal cancer. He is truly knocked down. I know what you mean about waiting to hear, on pins and needles. Sometimes, I turn my phone off for a day or two, just to give myself a break from the mental strain of NOT hearing. I have rallied all of my siblings on both coasts and have implemented duties for each person, so, in that way, I can help, and I do. This is actually why I don't spend as much time here in the past few months, just too much other important stuff going on. I talk to his creditors and I pay his bills. I try to do everything, or as much as I can. I know I'm doing all that I can, so, I am good with myself.
Lastly, my husband was very close to his Grandma. Her funeral was several hours away, and on the same day of my first chemotherapy session. He thought about it, and of course, wished he could do both, but he knew his Grandma would've told him to be with me on that day. So, he was, and he is completely good with it. Unfortunately, his relatives have held it against him. But, that's their own issue, not his.
I guess I'd say, in the end, you have to live with YOU. Weigh the various factors, use your best judgement as far as timing, and go with your heart. Trust me, an employer as you describe is NO loss. You might free yourself to work for someone who deserves you. Best thoughts to you; may you be at peace. |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:39 pm |
I feel terrible for you...your pain really comes across in your writing...Feeling trapped by your employer at a time when you need support is a terrrible thing...Follow your heart!
Take care,
pudoodles |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:47 pm |
Yes, I know that my boss represents all that is unholy, but other than that, I really love my job. It pays extremely well, plus full benefits. If I lost my job, I wouldn't even be able to pay for my meds for a month.
That is why I am so torn. I know I need to be with her, and I will hate myself forever if I don't go. But quitting a job that keeps your head above water is easier said than done. I may talk to the Front Office manager tomorrow about it, and see if they will cut me ANY slack......God, I really hope so. I really am at my wits end..... |
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moi: Fair skin, green eyes, dark brown hair, 20's |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:55 pm |
| mper1327 wrote: |
Yes, I know that my boss represents all that is unholy, but other than that, I really love my job. It pays extremely well, plus full benefits. If I lost my job, I wouldn't even be able to pay for my meds for a month.
That is why I am so torn. I know I need to be with her, and I will hate myself forever if I don't go. But quitting a job that keeps your head above water is easier said than done. I may talk to the Front Office manager tomorrow about it, and see if they will cut me ANY slack......God, I really hope so. I really am at my wits end..... |
Throughout your life you will both love and hate many jobs. You only have one grandmother. Been there and never regretted choosing my family over my job. But I HAVE constantly regretted the one time that, in my ignorance, I chose the job. GO! |
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Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh Crap, She's up!" Unknown |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:28 pm |
| You have but one family! RUN! |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 7:01 pm |
| I agree with everyone. You should go and see your grandma. |
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34, oily acne-prone skin, Toronto, Canada |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 7:07 pm |
| Go with your heart girl. If your employer is that insensitive then that's not someone worth working hard for. It's maybe easy said than done. I wish everything works out for you at the end. |
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 7:44 pm |
I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through a similar situation with my mother-in-law, and I'll always regret that I could not get there in time.
I don't think you need to quit, but I do think you need to go back to your manager, and stress how important this is to you. Don't quit, but be firm on needing more time off.
Good luck! |
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Nadine, age 50, live in VA; half-Asian, slight yellow tone; sensitive, dry/combo skin |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:03 am |
| Ok, and update. They will probably be doing the surgery on Monday, unless the CAT scan says that the cancer is throughout her body. I will find out this by early this afternoon, I hope. She hasn't been able to say anything intelligible, except for yes and no sometimes. She tried writing on a pad of paper, but it was just jibberish. My mom and my aunt asked her if she wanted anything before she went into surgery, and she said yes several times, but couldn't elaborate. They tried the pad of paper again, and she wrote down my name. OHMYGOD. She can't even remember anyone else in the family, but she wrote that she wanted me. That absolutely did it. I booked myself for a Sunday afternoon flight, coming back tentatively on Tues or Wed, depending on how everything goes. I walked in today, told them of the heartwrenching note, and said whether they like it or not I am going. I did not ask, I TOLD! Do what they will, I have to be there for my grandma, like she was there for me all of those years...... |
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moi: Fair skin, green eyes, dark brown hair, 20's |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:07 am |
| Om my gosh, my eyes are tearing up as I was reading that. Good for you, you won't regret going. I think it will give her strength knowing you are there. I hope your grandma's surgery goes well. |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:34 am |
| You are doing the right thing by seeing her. It is a horrible decision to have to make. |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:39 am |
She made the decision for you  |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:51 am |
Best of luck with the trip and surgery!
We will pray and hope for you! |
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Early 50s, Skin: combin.,semi-sensitive, fair with occasional breakouts, some old acne scars, freckles, under-eye wrinkles; Redhead with hazel eyes |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:09 am |
Thank you all, I you guys.
My mom just called, and said that my grams is starting to make a turn for the worst, and they are waiting for the drs to come up to see her. I am really freaking out now, it's like, "Wait Grandma, I'm coming!!!" My mom said they still haven't said anything about last night's CAT scan results. Hopefully they will shortly. Please, please grandma, hold on |
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moi: Fair skin, green eyes, dark brown hair, 20's |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:53 am |
I'm SO very sorry...It's such a hard thing to go through as it is and it doesn't help that your work is creating a more stressful situation. I think it's such a good thing that you're going to see her.
Have a very safe trip, and I'm thinking good thoughts for you and your lovely Grandma. |
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Dry sensitive skin with hormonal breakouts, 29 years old |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:23 am |
| mper1327 wrote: |
Any advice? |
Go. Go now.
Edited to add that I just finished reading the entire thread. I'm so glad you've decided to go ... you'll NEVER regret it. You boss? How unfortunate. I understand the need to pay the bills and have health insurance (I wouldn't be able to pay for my med w/out it either) but in the long run it's your FAMILY who makes your heart beat. |
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Cheers - Ruth/4sons 56 yrs. old, combination skin, getting tired ... |
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Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:17 am |
| I really can't wait.... I'm sitting here at work, freaking out. Every time my phone rings, my heart stops, thinking it's more news. And it's only one crisis after another with the guests that are calling, and I'm really in no mood. Unfortunately, I can't really leave, because I am the only reservationist for the weeked, and I have to be here to help with the check in rush. This just really sucks. Thank you guys so much for letting me vent, and for all of your well wishes and prayers. I just have to keep telling myself that I will make it in time, but the negative little monkey in my head is rattling the cage! |
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moi: Fair skin, green eyes, dark brown hair, 20's |
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