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free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 1:24 pm

Hi

I am 62 but on the internet I say my age is 56. I do look and act young and I finally (after 5 years and many jerks) met someone I really like. He is 50 and he thinks I am 56. What should I do? I've asked a few friends and got totally different responses. Some say wait till he gets hooked on you and then tell, others say if you don't tell now you are building a relationship on lies. I think if hears 62, he will leave.

Linda

free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 1:39 pm

My friend's mom lied in a very similar situation. She dated the man for years, and he never knew the truth. It worked out fine for her.

If I were you, I might somehow (soon) bring up that you are in fact "fifty-sixish." He may feel that it would be ungentlemanly to try and drag your true age out of you, and he may not really care. On the other hand, he might demand to know the truth.

Either way, you'll get out from under the lie, and find out if your age is really important to him or not.

-- Bee

free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 1:50 pm

While I sympathize with you, I don't think a relationship built on lies will stand the test of time. Better to find out early if age is a real consideration for him--before either of you gets too involved and potentially hurt. Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you found out he was lying to you from the start--age, education, kids, profession, {fill in the blank).... Let us know how things work out. Best wishes.

free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 4:14 pm

I wouldn't lie about my age like that ... but that's just me. I don't look my age either and KNOW some people (men especially) are GOOFY about age ... but I wouldn't want to start off a relationship on a wrong note.

free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 4:15 pm

I always thought a woman should never reveal her real age ... just the age she feels Wink

free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 5:19 pm

Well I told Loopy that I looked like Dita von Teese and I'm a post grad student... I'm dreading her finding out I'm an agoraphobic obese obessive compulsive who hasn't left my flat in Redruth for 6 years Embarassed

In seriousness, meet him, see how you feel and if it's a good vibe tell straight away. If you get a bad vibe off him keep schtum and just be evasive next time. Smile

free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 5:53 pm

Linda, he's already accepted that you're 6 years older than he is, and its not like you're trying to pass for a 45 year old Very Happy

Frankly something as personal as hiding one's calendar age is not a lie in my book. I'd just keep quiet about it - its none of his business anyway. You go girl! Laughing

P.S. @ GG - you crack me up Laughing

free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 7:29 pm

guapagirl wrote:

Well I told Loopy that I looked like Dita von Teese and I'm a post grad student... I'm dreading her finding out I'm an agoraphobic obese obessive compulsive who hasn't left my flat in Redruth for 6 years Embarassed

guapagirl, you are so funny!! Very Happy

Linda, I tried internet dating for a while, and lemme tell ya, people lie all the time! When I caught someone in a lie, if I liked the person enough, I would let it slide. If someone were so rigid that they would not forgive for this little indiscretion, then why would you want him anyway? Just see how it goes, and you'll find the right time to tell him. Here's some happy endings for you:

1. From an episode of I Lost It! on Discover: She lied about her weight. It was obvious to him as soon as they met, because she was obese, but by then he had fallen in love with the person. They married, and she decided eventually that she wanted to be healthy, and pared down.

2. My brother and his wife: He withheld info about some health issues he had. She was actually the older sister of the original woman he started corresponding with. He was given a picture of the younger sister. They both forgave, as they had already fallen in love long-distance. Married 4 years now.

I agree with Anya, if he's okay with the 6 yr difference, what's a few more? Probably not a big deal. Very Happy

free skin care · Thu Jun 14, 2007 8:46 pm

You could say you joined 6 years ago and never got around to changing your profile????? (I mean if he ever asked for proof of age, but if not, maybe don't bring it up.)

I met a guy once who would not ever tell me how old he was, but he put himself in the same age category as I was. I didn't think it was true since when I asked for a specific age, he just said he was old enough to be my grandpa. He doesn't look that old, but still it bugged me that I could never get a true response from him. The evasion made me think that he got something to hide. So I started to mistrust him. Then everything went down the drain after that. I would have been ok if he would just tell me his real age.

free skin care · Fri Jun 15, 2007 8:49 am

ulana wrote:

I always thought a woman should never reveal her real age ... just the age she feels Wink

I agree, great rule of thumb!!

free skin care · Fri Jun 15, 2007 10:05 am

I don't see why a woman comfortable with herself would need to dance around her age, with a man, no less.

If he leaves, then maybe he wasn't relationship material to begin with.

free skin care · Mon Jul 23, 2007 9:43 am

Ladies

Thanks for your good thoughts - and as you can tell you offer different opinions. I met one new guy last week, and he seemed quite taken with me and when I told him I was 62 he acted like I told him I had aids or leprosy. I don't like to lie, but I feel like I have to. 62 just sounds awful. If the age difference was in the 30s or 40s it doesn't sound as bad as telling a 55 year old guy you are 62.

Linda - Still confused

free skin care · Mon Jul 23, 2007 10:40 am

Maybe you can dodge the question by sending a recent photo and saying “This is me last week”, or something similar?

Alternatively, if you want to have some fun, next time some online guy is rude enough to ask you your age, you could respond by asking him what is his yearly income? After all, if he wants to judge you by the “accepted standard” for women, ie, looks and age, you should be entitled to judge him by the “accepted standard” for men, ie, income/asset level. Men like these kind of questions about as much as women like being asked their age ... funny that. But I have a rather twisted sense of humour so this may not be the best advice Laughing

Good luck anyways!

free skin care · Mon Jul 23, 2007 12:02 pm

linda123 wrote:

Ladies
62 just sounds awful. If the age difference was in the 30s or 40s it doesn't sound as bad as telling a 55 year old guy you are 62.

I hear ya Linda Very Happy

. I'd have thought guys over 50 would be mature enough not to ask a woman her age in the first place! As I said in my earlier post - it's nobody's business. Another thing, how are you to know they aren't lying either?
Next time you're asked, just say "If anyone asks you my age, just say you don't know" Wink

.

free skin care · Mon Jul 23, 2007 10:33 pm

I am VERY lucky in that I inherited my mother's "ageless" gene. I will be 52 next month, but folks guess me to be in my 30s and I'm living with a 26 year old male friend (platonically -- but I am definitely more of a friend than a mother figure). I started not disclosing my age when I worked in Hollywood, because it is such an ageism-ridden town.

Whenever anyone asks me my age now, I always smile and say, "I'm the same age as you." Whether the asker is 62, 45, or 11. Very Happy

We laugh and if they press, I smile and nod and say again, "I am the same age as you, my sweet friend. Don't you think?"

free skin care · Tue Jul 24, 2007 2:30 am

Hi Linda,

Why dont you implicitly "hint" to him that it's not "safe" for women to disclose "real" info on the net and ask him if he minds if there "might be" some misleading info in your profile? see how he response first... if he responses negatively, u could always say that you are just "testing him"! Bad Grin

at the end of the day, i have a feeling that he would not really mind... a 50 yr old man should be lookig for companion... so communication should be more important!

Daydream

free skin care · Tue Jul 24, 2007 3:46 am

daydreamingda wrote:

Hi Linda,

Why dont you implicitly "hint" to him that it's not "safe" for women to disclose "real" info on the net and ask him if he minds if there "might be" some misleading info in your profile? see how he response first... if he responses negatively, u could always say that you are just "testing him"! Bad Grin

at the end of the day, i have a feeling that he would not really mind... a 50 yr old man should be lookig for companion... so communication should be more important!

Daydream

Oooooh you are devious! I like! Very Happy

As to just looking for a companion at 50, I think not! Not if any of my 50+ friends are anything to go by! Laughing

free skin care · Tue Jul 24, 2007 6:32 am

guapagirl wrote:

Well I told Loopy that I looked like Dita von Teese and I'm a post grad student... I'm dreading her finding out I'm an agoraphobic obese obessive compulsive who hasn't left my flat in Redruth for 6 years Embarassed

I Keep telling you we are not dating. Rolling Eyes

I thought you said you looked like the bride of Wildenstein. Must have been one of my other more honest friends. Shock

You forgot to mention alcoholic on your list of your acomplishments. Laughing

I guess if we are confessing, I bettr tell you I am really a 6ft 5,body building,Schizophrenic, mad axe murder. I cannot wait until we meet if we manage to recognise each other it will be a miracle.

free skin care · Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:57 am

OK Ladies

I met two guys in the last week or so, the first one looked at me like I had aids or leprosy when I told him. The other guy was perfectly fine with it - so bottom line, like everything else it depends on the person.

Thanks for your help with this.

Linda.

free skin care · Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:07 am

Well, maybe the info will weed out people quicker. Who knows?!

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