Soulmates - do they even exist?
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free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:38 am

well i was watching Oprah recently, I think it's a re-run, anyway a guest on the show said that in her opinion we can have more than one soulmate, depending on what stage we are in our lives.

now during a lunch with some friends a while back (there was a guy in the group also) the general consensus seems to be that we only have one soulmate each but we might end up never meeting them, ever. sort of like lost souls wandering around, never quite becoming whole if you like (what a sad thought!) or we might meet them but due to one thing or another, never actually ending up with them.

what do you guys think? anyone ended up with their soulmates? and more importantly, how will we KNOW? Think

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:14 am

I think it's ridiculous for people to think we have only one soul mate. Talk to any woman or man who has been widowed and re-married- are we only confined to the one person in life? Of course not.

There is much more than romantic soul mates out there. I consider my mother, my favourite uncle, my dog and cat, and most especially, my fiance all as soul mates, but all different and individual from each other. What's the difference? My mom is always there to support me and make me happy, my uncle keeps me rooted to my past and ancestry, etc. They are all special and connected to me in different ways.

My fiance, I consider my romantic soul mate, obviously, as we both seem to be female-male incarnates of each other. We finish each other's sentences, love the same things in life (video games, anime, martial arts) and mesh soooo well together. I should note that we both live on opposite sides of the country, but distance didn't stop us from pursuing a relationship. I often like to entertain the thought that we have always been together, in some form or another, and the way we met this time was relative to the society and age we live in today. I consider him a part of myself, a piece of my soul that when reunited with him, we both feel whole.

I also believe that there are many soul mates out there we haven't met. Perhaps they are simply other versions of lives we have led, and that's why you feel so close to say, someone in the media. For instance, I am incredibly accepting and loving of a couple famous yogis and spiritual leaders, and although I don't know them personally, I love and respect the work they do and am incredibly thankful for it. No one can shatter that bond.

There is no such thing as one soul mate, with it being only a romantic soul mate. There are many, and that connection and love isn't exclusive to just one other human being on this earth. Laughing

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:46 am

FrevaKZ says it all, I couldn't agree more Very Happy

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 7:44 am

I think the idea of "soulmate" is such a poetically romantic notion that it doesn't apply to everyday life. Why does everyone have to be your soulmate? Can't you just say you love them?

My fiance-- I believe that I've known him so long and he's become such a part of my life that I'm certain I couldn't function without him. it's such a deep attachment I don't even know how to describe it so that someone else would understand what I mean.

No, I don't believe in "soulmates." Close relationships are fostered over time. That's what's creates the bond between people. Not some magical string that binds our souls together. It's a nice idea, but ultimately one for Shakespeare to write about.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:26 pm

Call me a cynic but the idea of a soul mate is probably better left for fairy tales. In the real world it takes effort and patience to develop a good relationship. And when two people do seem to match perfectly and get along and whatnot, that is more of a coincidence and good pairing... but there will always be problems.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:37 pm

I don't think we can only have one soulmate. I like to think that there are many people that I could be happy with, but that I don't need to find them to be "complete." As a single girl, the notion that there is only ONE guy out there and I must find him, sounds very daunting. Maybe I'll change my tune when I find someone I want to marry!

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:06 pm

You know, SnowWhite, I've found the guy I want to marry, and I STILL think the notion of ONE soul mate is crap. My guy and I have a fabulous connection and a really terrific relationship, that we've both worked hard to develop and nurture - but I think it's entirely possible that I could have a great connection like this with any number of other guys, I just choose to stop looking and so does he. I think that's really the ultimate statement in commitment - "There are six billion fish out there and it's certainly possible I could have some fabulous romantic connection with someone else, but rather than keep searching I choose YOU because you're just that fabulous." I think that's the "realistic" version of "soul mate" - someone who makes you want to stop searching. Does that make sense? Perhaps I'm taking some of the romance out of it, but I consider practicality to be a pretty good foundation for a lasting romance anyway. Smile

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 3:04 pm

[quote="ginnielizz"There are six billion fish out there and it's certainly possible I could have some fabulous romantic connection with someone else, but rather than keep searching I choose YOU because you're just that fabulous." I think that's the "realistic" version of "soul mate" - someone who makes you want to stop searching. Smile

[/quote]

I couldn't agree more. IMHO, the idea of one true soul mate is romantic rubbish that keeps the unattached looking for the unattainable and gives the attached the excuse to go out looking when they find that their "one true love" is fallible. I think the idea of a soul mate breeds unhappiness and discontent. We are all capable of loving many people in our lives. I have loved more than one man--deeply, completely, passionately--but I didn't marry them. When I met my husband I had the maturity to recognize a good thing when I found it. I chose to stop looking for someone better and love him for who he was. Nineteen years later, I still choose not to look elsewhere and accept him warts--or perhaps more honestly said, wrinkles, gray hair and all. Are we soul mates? No. Neither of us are that perfect. We are simply two people who are deeply committed to each other, our children and to the vows we made so many years ago.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:03 pm

I'd like to think that their is more than one soulmate and I thought I met one of them for myself but this person did not feel the same. So for me, it is really hard to say.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:11 pm

I'm very much a romantic at heart, so I totally believe in soul mates. I read that there're definitely more than one soul mate. I also believe I finally ran in to mine after my first one didn't work out. I think my bf is my soul mate, and he thinks I'm his. We like the same things it's ridiculous (and awesome!). We truly care about each other, and we communicate well when we have problems. Our personalities are very similar. Also something funny to note was we seemed to follow each other around since college, but never really ran in to each other until a few years ago. (He found me!) Later I learned that 10 years ago, he worked in the same building as me just two floors down.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:19 pm

bkkgirl wrote:

I'm very much a romantic at heart, so I totally believe in soul mates. I read that there're definitely more than one soul mate. I also believe I finally ran in to mine after my first one didn't work out. I think my bf is my soul mate, and he thinks I'm his. We like the same things it's ridiculous (and awesome!). We truly care about each other, and we communicate well when we have problems. Our personalities are very similar. Also something funny to note was we seemed to follow each other around since college, but never really ran in to each other until a few years ago. (He found me!) Later I learned that 10 years ago, he worked in the same building as me just two floors down.

That is so neet! I gues it works for some people and I'm the unlucky one.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:23 pm

I may be a bit cynical at this point since I just came out of relationship, so bear with me.

To me, it's word play, depending on the situation / emotional state that you are in, soulmate can be viewed differently. I've seen my friends claiming that their current GF/BF is their "soulmate" till the love fizzled away and they head out to look for their real "soulmate".

I think everyone's definition of "soulmate" is different. Some more loosely then the others. Thus, some is able to find one or more "soulmates" whereas some have not met one before.

My definition of soulmate is one whom I love completely. We will understand each other completely without having to explain to each other why we do/say/think certain things. There is no doubt, no fear, no uncertainty but only complete faith, love and support for each other.

Have I met my "soulmate"? - No and I can only blame myself for not defining an easier "soulmate".
Do I believe in "soulmate"? - No, but I secretly harbor hope that a miracle would happen and prove me wrong.
Am I looking for my "soulmate"? - No, as I do want to find & enjoy love in this lifetime and not just spend my life searching for someone who matches my anal "soulmate" definition.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:29 pm

Skincare wrote:

[That is so neet! I gues it works for some people and I'm the unlucky one.

Or you just haven't run into him yet! I know in my case, I feel like the amount of emotional work my boyfriend and I both did before we were "ready" to meet each other was paramount. I was truly in a happy place where I'd made my peace with past relationships that ended badly and figured out what part I'd played in all that, and had identified and cut out some very negative patterns in my life, both through therapy and general introspection, and I'd really worked hard to create a happy single life - surrounded myself with good healthy nurturing friends and created a fun, active personal life. And only then did I meet the right guy (and I should mention we met online, and I had to go on MANY crappy first dates that never turned into second dates, with many unfortunate guys, and that the only guys I had ever had ANY connection with were the ones who didn't call, whereas the guys I couldn't stand were the ones I couldn't get to stop calling/emailing...) so it's not like the fish just jumped up from the sea and landed smack in my boat, haha. I had to search long and hard for him! And only when I had gotten out of the jaded place I was once in, dating-wise, did we find each other.

So for what it's worth, I think it's important to a) keep your chin up, and b) keep your mind/eyes/options open! Not everyone bumps into each other randomly like in the movies, and even though that's a WAY more romantic notion than meeting on Craigslist like Grant and I did, it's not always as effective. Smile

Goofygal wrote:

Am I looking for my "soulmate"? - No, as I do want to find & enjoy love in this lifetime and not just spend my life searching for someone who matches my anal "soulmate" definition.

I honestly think that is such a good attitude - and I think if you're able to truly get there, then you radiate a joie de vivre that potential suitors pick up on, and you get similarly well-adjusted fish biting at your hook.

Anyway, I don't mean to preach, just to encourage people not to give up in this big bad dating world. I always thought I was one of the unlucky ones because I spent MUCH more time single than most of my friends, but in the end it paid off because I learned a lot about myself that helped prepare me for a truly serious relationship, and now I consider myself one of the lucky ones, but I recognize that it took more than *just* luck, it took both luck and effort I think. So don't think it's some impossible goal! Hell, Skincare, maybe your soul mate works two floors below you, and all it takes is poking your nose down there with an open mind (and a cute outfit)!

(And I agree that bkkgirl, that's kind of an amazing anecdote, what are the odds? So cool that you have such a bizzare connection, and that you finally managed to connect years later - that IS like a movie!)

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:04 pm

I think you have made some excellent and accurate points, ginnielizz.

I agree with you that you need personal happiness and to be satisfied with yourself before you can move on and have meaningful relationships. And I'm not only talking about romantic relationships.

I am happy with my life but not fully satisfied, but that is okay also. Because if you are fully satisfied, you would get bored.

I am really happy ginnielizz found her soulmate and I wish this on everyone, but I think I would have to agree that even though there may be a soulmate match, you may never have met them in your lifetime or the feeling of soulmate is not returned.

I don't know what else to say, this is just my experience but would have to admit that I've witnessed people who have met their romantic/life time soulmate.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:17 pm

I've definitely dated two other people who I think could easily have been my "soul mates" or the equivalent - people with whom I could see myself settling down with forever, and that was kind of scary the first time it happened because I always had pictured dating around a lot first (my second-ever relationship was with someone that I felt that strongly about). But alas, both times they were just not in the right place to return those feelings, and it hurt me so bad at the time and took me YEARS to get over it - much longer to get over it than the total cumulative dating time! I guess it makes me appreciate more being in a relationship now where we both feel things equally - and I feel like my prior experiences only serve to underline the fact that, had some small timing thing or other circumstance been different, I could easily have wound up with someone else instead. It's kind of weird to think about, makes me get all "Sliding Doors"-like in my head, haha. But it's true, there's so much potential out there! Of course it's possible you might never hook up with that right person or have that experience, but I've always believed that if it's important to you, then it'll come to happen eventually because you'll sort of set out to make it happen or "manifest" it, whether you realize it or not. But those are just my wonky not-exactly-religious ideas kicking around. Laughing

And you're right, I don't think you have to be 100% satisfied with life, haha. Hell, I'm not 100% satisfied now! I think a certain amount of disgruntledness is just human nature, plus it keeps things interesting and keeps you motivated (ideally). Very Happy

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:24 pm

ginnielizz, you said it took you years to get over those past soulmates. You make yourself sound old! Don't you think that if you are in your 40's or 50's that you found your soulmate, that it is already too late in life? Meaning too old to have that family you both wanted?

It was just I thought I had and I would feel terrible if someone found their soulmate so late in life only because of that. But if both don't want children, then I guess that would not be an issue.

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:46 pm

You know, I guess I never had that fear, because my clock went kind of backwards. I never wanted children, and in fact was very much convinced that I would never want to have them, even as recently as a couple years ago (and I always figured I would adopt or become a foster parent if I changed my mind later in life). But then I met Grant, and my whole view seriously changed - I honestly think I never met anyone whose kids I wanted to HAVE before, hahaha. (A great testament to my prior boyfriends, I sure know how to pick 'em!) Plus some of my friends in their early 30s had recently started having kids, and I was just exposed to the reality more and more, but still didn't picture it being in the cards for me, ever.

So I honestly didn't have that fear of "missing out" on my chance to start a family. I was raised by a single mom who went from relationship to relationship but hadn't found her soul mate even when I moved away for college (still hasn't, sadly - I just found out she and her husband, whom she married while I was in college, are separating Sad

) and so I think I had a different picture than most girls about how romance works. I never thought I would have Prince Charming just show up, and I certainly never expected to marry my first-ever sweetheart, because that just wasn't the reality I'd grown up with. And for some reason I always pictured settling down in my late 30s, but not before - and only when I dated one of those above-mentioned guys whom I felt super-strongly about did any tiny part of my biological settle-down clock wake up (by then I was already 22 or 23, I think). Which is still very young, sure, but older than your average gal, I think, as most of us are conditioned to settle down from childhood (don't you think?). I mean, I remember other girls being really into all those baby dolls and whatnot, and I just never saw the point - where was the hair you could brush like Barbie, or the cool outfits or shoes!? Laughing

So I see what you mean, especially if family is your main goal - but it was never mine from the get-go, it only became mine when I met someone who had those goals and when I realized (rather slowly) that that was something I was interested in, too. I guess I'm oddly lucky that I had such an atypical idea of how things would go, because it sort of took away some of the stress and impatience/expectation (not all, believe me! But some) in that frustrating time before meeting someone I really connected with. It's weird, you don't think of being raised by someone who can't stay in a relationship as being beneficial like that, but I suppose you could say I managed to make the best of it? That's the conclusion I'm sticking with. Smile

Anyway, sorry for the continued hijacks, cahoot! You got me waxing philosophical today, I guess. I'll shush now and let others have their turn. Smile

free skin care · Tue Aug 28, 2007 7:42 pm

wow thanks for the replies you guys!! and ginnielizz, carry on hijacking, i really don't mind! Very Happy

i guess i do like the idea of a soul mate - someone who totally understands you, who share a lot of interests with you, who you can talk to all night long and never get bored! a friend of mine describes it as 'someone who , while he's sleeping, you can just stare at for hours and just be glad you're with him instead of wishing you can strangle him in sleep!'

but like all romantic notions, it's tough to incorporate this idea into everyday life. even if you do marry who you think is your soul mate, would you still feel the same way, say 10 years down the road, with mortgages and screaming kids and in-laws? Sad

free skin care · Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:25 am

Like everyone here said, love has to be nurtured. Even the so-called perfect love can crumble when children, finances and work get in the way and two people who had a passionate beginning to their life may end up realizing that it takes a lot more strength to face the odds then, than it is trying to come together. It's up to the individuals.

For instance, we never see sequel movies coming out about all those couples who came together so beautifully on the big screen, eh? Laughing

People just think that once certain complications rise up, that the romance has to die.

It was very interesting reading responses, and it occurred to me that those who don't believe in soul mates, or those on the fence about it have mentioned a few times, the possibility of finding that one perfect guy.

This thought never entered my head at all. Before I met my perfect guy, I wasn't looking for him and pining for him. My fiance didn't come into my life to fit the mold and definition that I wanted because...I didn't have a definition. He made it when he came into my life. So I can definitely see why some women may be disgruntled about that, if they have high expectations of a soul mate. I also echo bkk in that things just happen out of the blue when you least expect it. That's where I think the magic of "soul mates" is, not the idea of searching for that perfect match. I'd say most who say they have a romantic soul mate say they weren't even looking for them. Wink

free skin care · Wed Aug 29, 2007 11:27 am

Skincare wrote:

ginnielizz, you said it took you years to get over those past soulmates. You make yourself sound old! Don't you think that if you are in your 40's or 50's that you found your soulmate, that it is already too late in life? Meaning too old to have that family you both wanted?

It was just I thought I had and I would feel terrible if someone found their soulmate so late in life only because of that. But if both don't want children, then I guess that would not be an issue.

Hi Skincare,
I actually never thought I would find a soul mate. I felt so unlucky in love, and especially after my divorce, and after a fortune teller (haha) told me there's some really nasty star blocking my love star.
I guess I'm also lucky that my bf doesn't want to have children even though he has none before and has never been married. I already have two kids, so I don't feel like I missed out on that department. I guess you can't control when you'll meet your soul mate, and I read that some people go through life not ever meeting him/her even though they crossed paths several times just due to timing (i.e. already in a relationship with someone else who is not his/her soul mate. But I do hope you find yours. It's a great feeling to be with someone who really understands you.

free skin care · Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:02 pm

A very warm hugs to you all! Smile

You are all so kind and I can learn from all of you.

free skin care · Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:51 pm

I enjoyed reading all the comments.
And just for the record, I am still looking for my soulmate, so if you see him ~ be sure to send him my way!!! Very Happy

free skin care · Fri Aug 31, 2007 6:45 am

This question is almost like "Is there such a thing as love at first sight?"

I tend to agree with those who think it's possible to love, deeply love, more than once in a lifetime. I've had the great fortune to have loved 2 men in my life. The kind of crazy love that starts with the "love at first sight" where I felt an immediate chemical reaction and imagined our lives together the moment I made eye contact.

Of course, it took time to let love grow; and once I was committed to both of these wonderful men [at different times, not the same time! Very Happy

] it simply became a matter of -I stopped looking once I found my love. I may have still felt attracted to other men, but I didn't do anything about it.

The sad thing is that none of these men are still in my life. For several years after I separated from my last beloved man, I held onto the "soulmate notion" because we had been such kindred spirits. I think my romantic notion of a soulmate prevented me from seeing other possibilities.

I finally married a man who was "safe". By safe, I mean I didn't feel that earth-shattering passion. I thought he would keep me safe from heartbreak, that we'd grow into a deep, contented kind of love without the peaks and valleys of passion. I settled. I finally left him because without that earth-shattering passion, I couldn't make the commitment so necessary for a long-term relationship to endure. I became disinterested, I'm sorry to say because he was a good man.

While it was heartbreaking when I lost the loves of my life, it is indeed better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I hope I'll find a true love yet to share the rest of my life with. But it does start with that immediate attraction, I think.

I remain hopeful.

free skin care · Fri Aug 31, 2007 9:11 am

Gosh, you are so eloquent, athena! I think yours is a really inspiring story (and I'm sure it will continue to be). I absolutely think remaining hopeful is the key - and I truly believe that if finding that connection is important to you, then it will come to you eventually, because that's the energy you're putting out there into the universe or the great blue yonder or whatever you want to call it.

Call me crazy or call me a new age hippie or whatever you like, but I was taught at a very young age by my very out-there piano teacher that "the universe gives you exactly what you ask it for," and despite the potentially dubious nature of such an intangible claim, I've always found it to hold true in my experience. Sometimes it just doesn't happen as quickly as I'd like, but then, I trust that the universe is also trying to teach me some friggin' patience! Laughing

free skin care · Tue Sep 04, 2007 2:06 pm

ginnieliz - I didn't get married until I was close to 30 and then I wasn't sure Laughing

Then I had two kids even though I still didn't think I was ready.
Some of us are latebloomers. Nothing wrong with that.
I travelled all through my 20's and I'm glad I did it.

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