Can heartbreak cause aging?
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free skin care · Tue Dec 20, 2011 7:24 pm

My heart was badly broken almost 2 years ago and I have never healed from this. Despite my hard work and dedication in trying to move past this, the pain lingers and my heart simply does not understand. My ex boyfriend left me while I was pregnant and then I miscarried after my first trimester. I was so stressed out and crying every single day. I still miss this person although I know I shouldn't. I was 25 then.

I'm fearful that my heartache will cause aging. I'm afraid of getting older and even more afraid of what this stress and living with a broken heart will do to me physically. I eat very healthy, exercise and take all the right supplements. I have pets who are sweet and bring me a lot of love.

Am I alone in this? Have any of you never gotten over someone from your past? I absolutely hate living with this heartache.

free skin care · Wed Dec 21, 2011 9:09 am

I believe, yes. Emotional stress causes your hormones to change. In my case, it also made me unable to eat for long periods of time. I guess this is just the crucible of living; and I do believe that suffering helps us become more ourselves. Certainly one is inclined to self reflection at these times, and sometimes being abandoned can bring back other emotional traumas from the past that are not healed. It is hard, but try to USE this pain to help yourself feel stronger from within.

One thing that really helped me was a suggestion from Louise Hayes: Never pass a mirror without looking into it and telling yourself that you love youself and YOU will take care of yourself and that all will be well.

As in: ___________ I love you with all my heart and I will alway take care of you and make sure everything turns out well.

You will get over this. You will become more and more your true self. You will love and feel happy again.

The only person who you can be sure will never let you down is yourself. You are stronger than you know - and you are blessed with ability to feel & love deeply.

My heart goes out to you mismis

free skin care · Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:52 am

PS
If you are still crying a lot, give yourself permission. Set aside a certain time every day and use it to cry. This way you won't burst into tears at inappropriate time or with inappropriate persons. Not everyone is a good person to share with however tempting that may be. Pets are good, tho.

Make a list of things you want to do, have done, change in your life. Break into very small increments and give yourself a checkmark for every positive thing you have done on list (can even be little things like brush teeth, put away socks etc.)

Your looks will wax & wane through life, just keep taking care of yourself. You can probably guess I have had my heart broken a few times and though it was hard and my appearance showed it, at 59 I am often told that I am very beautiful. So one recovers . . .

free skin care · Wed Dec 21, 2011 11:26 am

It can cause ageing, but as long as you're young enough you can bounce back! Take good care of yourself, love yourself and try to move on. You are young and no doubt you are beautiful. Good things will happen to you, and you will be able to handle the bad things way better than others because you have had practice.

free skin care · Wed Dec 21, 2011 2:09 pm

Aaaaw, sorry to hear you've gone through such a tough time.
I've heard it said that it takes 3 yrs to get past a death or end of a longterm/close relationship. I lost a few people around the same time as I split with my longterm-ex and it took me all of 3 years before I was able to move on, let alone have any interest in anyone else. For me that meant 2+ yrs of serious depression, rarely more than 4-5 hours sleep, lots of crying, etc. I chose not to medicate.

I know how taxing grief can be physically, but 25-27 is still young and your health will definitely bounce back. It did for me and I didn't really exercise, take supplements, have pets - or have the wherewithall to realize that those things are key, so you're way ahead of the game compared to me. Even my 11's which I thought would be with me forever have subsided. People used to ask me what was wrong, or why so sad, even when I was having a good day, but that finally stopped as well.

Pardon me for saying this, but one day you'll realize that things happened exactly the way they should have happened in order to create your perfect story. I know that sounds horrible given that you miscarried, and split with someone you no doubt love, but I'm sure you'll find that what's to come will be more fulfilling, amazing & rejuvenating than you ever imagined. Life is absolutely magical once you make room for it!

free skin care · Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:47 pm

Yes, stress can be a huge factor in skin health

free skin care · Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:50 pm

I agree with the above posters. Minimum 3 years to get over deep heartbreak and death of loved one. Things will get better.

free skin care · Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:38 am

Yes of course it can! But you are on the right track with healthy eating and excercise. You are taking care of the physical, now concentrate on the mental.
It might help to talk to a qualified therapist (or a priest/pastor if you have one) to sort out and deal with the issues you have gone through.
If not, a close confidant that you trust. But it is a slow healing and grieving process that needs to be done to get back to a healthy place in your heart.
Mismis had some great ideas for you as well.
I always say, reaching out is the first step to healing.
Good luck, God bless and Happy Holidays!

free skin care · Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:47 am

I love mismis advice. I've been where you are Bella and you could not believe how long the heart ache and heartbreak lingered. It does lesson and one day you will realize you no longer think of him. It took me 4 years to get to that point - I know it's hard to imagine but just as was mentioned you will realize you are much better off. At your young age you will pull it all back together - I promise. Try to eat well, nourish yourself from the inside out, try to sleep, pamper yourself, tell yourself you are beautiful every morning and hold your head up high, feel your inner self becoming stronger everyday.

free skin care · Wed Dec 28, 2011 7:20 am

Hello there, sending out a virtual hug to you.

I am more than 20 years older than you so I can tell you that all you are experiencing appears to be a natural part of the healing process.

My husband left our longterm marriage and family (we have a daughter) suddenly in 2007. I can honestly say that it took at least 3 years for me to begin feeling "normal" again. I took the first couple years as an intense opportunity to improve me and my life - lost weight, new hair style, exercise, better diet, new friends, etc. I was fighting against what the stress of it was doing to me - making my hair brittle, my eyes sad...etc.

You can work through this with patience. I believe the journey is different for everyone. I chose selfcare as the best route for me.

Hugs and best wishes to you. There is life on the other side.

bfg

free skin care · Wed Dec 28, 2011 7:27 pm

Thank you so much to all of you for your lovely words of advice and wisdom. It means so much to me. You are all such beautiful women.

I hope I can heal soon. Like you, Barefootgirl, I think I am trying to take the route of self care as well.

Sistersweets, I am afraid it will take me four years as well. It has already been 2 years and in the middle of that, he came back and "apologized" but was actually telling a scheme of elaborate lies and in the end, I think it hurt me much worse.

Lori, your last sentence keep repeating in my mind from time to time.

Mismis, I have been thinking a lot about what you said about allowing myself to cry so I wont' cry at inappropriate times. I definitely want to cry at times when I shouldn't... being in the car is the worst for me. I start thinking about things even on the way to the grocery store. I can tell you're highly intuitive and have a lot of wisdom. You're right that being abandoned can bring up other traumas from life. I was abandoned as a child, but this abandonment feels worse than any other.

Thanks to all of you again. It means so much.

free skin care · Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:13 am

LoriA wrote:

Pardon me for saying this, but one day you'll realize that things happened exactly the way they should have happened in order to create your perfect story. I know that sounds horrible given that you miscarried, and split with someone you no doubt love, but I'm sure you'll find that what's to come will be more fulfilling, amazing & rejuvenating than you ever imagined. Life is absolutely magical once you make room for it!

Well said! I have learned over time to understand that the things that happen to us in our lives lead us in the right direction to achieve our dharma, our purpose. When I pray to the higher spirit, I never ask for a direct outcome... I just say "I surrender to your will". Things happen as they should and I take peace in that.

Personally, it took me years to get over a certain heartbreak. Then I met someone even better for me. Now I have peace that if a relationship ends, there will be another. I believe that we each have more than one soulmate. I have 3.

When I read your story I thought of this quote from Rainer Maria Rilke:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions... and one day you will LIVE your way into the answers".

Sending you my thoughts.

free skin care · Fri Dec 30, 2011 2:31 pm

Erg, wow! That quote gave me goosebumps. I am very interested in dharma. You've inspired me to read and learn more about it. I'm going to write that quote down and keep it on my desk to look at every day. Thank you so much.

Tue Jan 03, 2012 12:38 am

Nothing, absolutely NOTHING has aged me more than heartbreak.

And you had TWO - the ending of a relationship and the loss of your pregnancy.

My heart hurts for you, Beautiful (Italian) Ocean/Change (Japanese). (Translation of your screen name.)

As for the relationship part...

Here is the good news: I've had my heart broken so badly that I thought I'd never recover. Not once. Not twice. Three times. And each time I did recover.

Not only that, but each time I recovered, I was rejuvenated and glowed just as much as when I had that first teen-aged crush. And the scars from those heartbreaks have only accentuated the Beautiful OceanChange. Some of the damage goes away and the parts of it that remain only make you more beautiful.

Spend some quality time with friends. Did you neglect any friendships when you were in that relationship? Call those people and meet them for coffee, lunch, happy hour. Friendships are so sustaining - you'll feel supported and at the same time reminded that there's a YOU that is so important to people.

Take care of yourself. It's a great step that you posted here and reached out. But make sure that you continue to do things like that. In terms of the focus of this forum - continue your skincare routine. (Routines, in general, are healing. Make yourself a cup of green tea and do nothing but listen to good music for ten minutes at the same time every day. Or get a bunch of potted plants and groom and water them every day before you start work. Or walk to a neighborhood coffee shop every day to get a cuppa joe and walk back drinking it. Or find a bench with a view nearby, spend five minutes a day appreciating how lucky you are to be sitting there at that moment. You get the idea....) Routines become ritual. Even if it's just taking off your makeup before you go to bed - all those rituals can be healing ways of taking care of yourself.

Fight bitterness. You think heartbreak is aging? Look at bitter people. 'Nuff said.

I am not pushing religion (in fact, it's NOT a religion if you accurately understand it) but to follow up on erg and LoriA's posts - studying Buddhism has healed me and given me much glow! Focus on suffering (not synonymous with pessimism!) and acceptance (not synonymous with complacency!). If you currently have a religion Buddhism need not conflict with it. Buddhism is a practice. It's not a worship or belief. You can (I do) have a Faith and still study the dharma. Sit in on a sangha or two or twenty if it's available nearby.

As for the miscarriage....

I hope you heal completely from this. But just in case, know that some wounds never completely heal. And that's okay.

There's a difference between honoring a painful thing and wallowing in it. With the former, you are acknowledging and paying respects. Totally fine. With the latter, a person is making it about themselves. Go ahead and honor that loss for the rest of your life whenever it comes up. And know that there are people out there like me who ache with you and understand.

I think you're going to be fine. I think you're going to live up to your screen name, Beautiful OceanChange.

Take care,

Chispa (Sparky/Lively)

Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:09 pm

I agree with people telling you to let it all out. Probably the best therapy you could give yourself. Going for a good cry can really be refreshing.

free skin care · Tue Jan 03, 2012 6:55 pm

Stress is probably one of the top factors that cause pre-mature aging. That and smoking.

Wed Jan 04, 2012 8:51 am

Stress can lead you to an unhealthy lifestyle. Drugs, booze, and late nights. While I'm not making an assumption here, just laying out some facts.

Stress can't be ignored as a factor in showing signs of aging.

free skin care · Wed Jan 04, 2012 6:13 pm

I have no words of wisdom to share other than what has already been offered to ya..

Just wanted to send you a cyber hug and a prayer or two..

Wishing you the best life has to offer in 2012. ♥

free skin care · Sun Feb 05, 2012 1:11 pm

I feel terrible for your pain it's really the worst. I've been getting a form of therapy called EMDR. It's for trauma and stress related emotional problems like PTSD and everyday trauma etc.

It's one of those magical forms of therapy that really seems to work. Here's a Huff Post piece on it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/francine-shapiro-phd/ptsd-military_b_1250202.html

Basically it dis-empowers the painful memories, so you feel like you don't care as much.

Prayers for you, and may you come out much stronger!

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