Aging
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free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 6:42 am

I realize this subject can be the devil to reckon with, so if it makes you uncomfortable, maybe just click out, but for me, I think the truth also sets us free, so here goes.

I had a couple things happen over the weekend that made me pause:

background: I am 51 years old with a year old grandchild

On Saturday, I went to an outdoor music fest. At one point, I got hungry so I went to stand in line for a burger. A man about my age invited me to jump the line ahead of him, commenting to his friend: "let this pretty girl ahead of us and don't complain".

Me: I am sorry, but it's been a long while since I have thought of myself as a girl, but ok, I will take it- maybe my efforts are worth it.

Yesterday, my 51 yr old BF and me were discussing the aging process and the future. He complimented me on my long blonde hair and I think to myself (wow - thanks to keratin, SLS free shampoos, highlights, coconut oil) and my skin and I think (wow, thanks to rollers and potions and Botox) and my eyes (wow, thanks to surgery and latisse and nature).

I fell into a bit of a -, thinking if I stopped all these things, would I no longer be desirable?

Does the maintenance intimidate you or mess with your sense of self-worth?

Thinking out loud, BFG

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:24 am

Barefootgirl wrote:

I realize this subject can be the devil to reckon with, so if it makes you uncomfortable, maybe just click out, but for me, I think the truth also sets us free, so here goes.

I had a couple things happen over the weekend that made me pause:

background: I am 51 years old with a year old grandchild

On Saturday, I went to an outdoor music fest. At one point, I got hungry so I went to stand in line for a burger. A man about my age invited me to jump the line ahead of him, commenting to his friend: "let this pretty girl ahead of us and don't complain".

Me: I am sorry, but it's been a long while since I have thought of myself as a girl, but ok, I will take it- maybe my efforts are worth it.

Yesterday, my 51 yr old BF and me were discussing the aging process and the future. He complimented me on my long blonde hair and I think to myself (wow - thanks to keratin, SLS free shampoos, highlights, coconut oil) and my skin and I think (wow, thanks to rollers and potions and Botox) and my eyes (wow, thanks to surgery and latisse and nature).

I fell into a bit of a -, thinking if I stopped all these things, would I no longer be desirable?

Does the maintenance intimidate you or mess with your sense of self-worth?

Thinking out loud, BFG

LOL. My reaction would be the opposite of yours. I would be thinking h*ll ya what I'm doing is working and I look pretty darn good and people are noticing. I would be so happy and it would give me motivation to continue with my routine.

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:42 am

CookieD wrote:

LOL. My reaction would be the opposite of yours. I would be thinking h*ll ya what I'm doing is working and I look pretty darn good and people are noticing. I would be so happy and it would give me motivation to continue with my routine.

Ditto. I would be thrilled to hear any of that, BFG and it would definitely motivate me to continue on with what I was doing.

Would you still get those compliments if you stopped all the skin care/gadgets, etc? I think it has a lot to do with attitude. If you feel good about yourself, whatever you are doing or are not doing, that shows through, and you appear "desirable" to people. Does that make sense?

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:45 am

Exactly! Keep on doing what you are doing, it's working and you are fabulous!

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 8:03 am

Thanks for the boost. Sometimes I feel as if all this is a lot of effort/time/expense and maybe I secretly wish I could just eat the ice cream and skip the treatments and be loved just the same for who I am...and yet...when he tells me how beautiful I am inside and out, I want to believe it too.

BFG

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 8:07 am

I think I know what you mean. My appearance has changed dramatically in the last year and a half. I always think "thank Goodness I know he loved me before this". My DH is always considerate as he knows my doubts and compliments me on other things - my ease in social situations, my intelligence, my kindness, etc. and when people compliment my appearance (which he REALLY likes as I look several decades younger than him tho we are about the same age), he will make a remark about some other positive quality.

I didn't appreciate being beautiful when I was young so now I LOVE it when I see others enjoy my appearance. And as I am usually quite a bit older than those who compliment me I am no longer threatened by attention I was not seeking.

I like the process of looking after myself - it is just an extension of exercising and eating right, but somehow those cosmetic things are the icing on the cake that reflect how I feel about myself.

The only negative is that other women sometimes feel a little threatened - they assume that one's appearance is a comment on how other people choose to deal with - or not - with the physical signs of aging.

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 9:02 am

Great topic.

I am just beginning to feel the pangs of aging - I am 38- primarily because I live at beach where the average resident/vacationer is in their early 20s. Everyone walks down the streets, rides bikes, eats out.. in bikinis! At 38, I am definitely one of the older residents here.

So, I think I find myself concerned that I am comparing myself and body to a 25 year old. I can't help it - it is so in my face!

I laugh sometimes, as I hold my AALS up to my cheek, and I look out the window at the crowd on the beach. Ahh.. what we do for beauty. My mother raised me to believe how important it is to "never let yourself go". She takes it to a huge extreme. My sisters and I laugh because god forbid she sees us without nail polish or greying roots. When I moved the beach, her biggest worry was that it would speed up the wrinkling. Smile

. So I grew up with that - a huge focus on appearance. Good or bad, it is what it is and it shaped who I am.

I laugh also, because my partner hasn't shaved in a week, cut his hair in many months, considers the ocean his shower (really)... he basically does NOTHING to enhance his appearance and women come up to him and tell him how gorgeous he is. He has a few wrinkles (he refuses to wear sunscreen). There just seems to be a double standard!

To the original question, my answer would be yes to both. Trying to become more comfortable with myself but it is a work in process.

BFG, I would be thrilled with those comments - and it would motivate me to continue.

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 9:41 am

Barefootgirl,

I didn't know that you dermaroll.

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:20 pm

I look at maintenance as self-love - something which I never really did much of before. I was raised by a mother who had me late in life, and was a bit of a tom-boy herself. she kind of believed that vanity was shallow and perhaps a waste of money. I think she was really just self-conscious and shy though, since she did actually have a very deep appreciation of style and beauty.
We didn't have much in the way of extended famly around, but I remember visiting them as a kid, and all the woman (including my mom) sharing makeup, clothes & jewelry together in "dressing rooms", and me LOVING the atmosphere... the unabashed focus on gorgeous things & physical beauty. But it wasn't the same at home, and my mom's friends (other moms) didn't gather together doing girly things the same way.

Now I'm allowing myself to splurge on silly, pretty things, and self-care and am feeling so much more like the real me. I look pretty good, but I'm a loner, and don't date much so don't get a lot of reassurance in my personal life. And I am in a position where I have to carry myself with an air of maturity/responsibility in the party-atmosphere of the entertainment industry where I have to take being hit on with a grain of salt, so the self-care has helped remind myself of my softer, feminine side.

In answer to your questions, we all have to take care of ourselves in some ways... even young girls have to maintain, deal with acne, or whatever other flaws (mostly due to being self-conscious) they've got going on! Have you checked out a sephora lately? Those girls spend endless amounts of time & money changing themselves, so its not at all something I associate with age!

In my case the compliments haven't slowed down, and do they EVER given me a rush - each and every time! (A little creepy when they come from teenagers tho, don't you think?). Anyway, its incredibly reassuring - I have to admit that I wouldn't feel right if I stopped getting them. Even though I've gone through times in my life when I've felt uglier than sin (particularly through my childhood/teens), honestly, I identify myself with being attractive. Its part of who I am.

I'm not really any ravishing beauty though, and have many imperfections, so it must be how I present & carry myself. Whatever it is, I see myself keeping it up!

Nice topic BFG, thank you for starting it, and thanks to everyone who's contributed! Good hearing your perspectives! Smile

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:30 pm

mismis wrote:

I didn't appreciate being beautiful when I was young so now I LOVE it when I see others enjoy my appearance. And as I am usually quite a bit older than those who compliment me I am no longer threatened by attention I was not seeking.

I like the process of looking after myself - it is just an extension of exercising and eating right, but somehow those cosmetic things are the icing on the cake that reflect how I feel about myself.

The only negative is that other women sometimes feel a little threatened - they assume that one's appearance is a comment on how other people choose to deal with - or not - with the physical signs of aging.

Well said, mismis. I had such poor self-esteem when I was younger, I couldn't accept compliments with any grace. Now I eat 'em up! Laughing

And I never felt comfortable "flaunting".. I'm still fairly restrained and subtle, but that's more about it being my style.

I don't understand the last thing you wrote? Could you or someone else explain? Perhaps I'm not reading it right.

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 3:09 pm

I like taking care of myself. My husband and kids would still love me if I were overweight (which I was!) and blah looking. However, I wouldn't like me very much because I would look in the mirror and know that I could do better! With all the cool skincare technology and info. that is out there, why not take advantage of it? Remember all of those celebrities out there that people think are so beautiful or handsome has had something done to enhance their looks.

I told my daughter that I am going to be like the characters in the movie Death Becomes Her as they begin to get old. Except if I should happen to cut myself instead of blood, my veins would be filled with retin-a, careprost, and minoxidil. Laughing

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 3:19 pm

I am really enjoying reading all your posts...

yes, I never thought of it that way, but maintenance is self-love, you are so right! Smile

Swissmom, you made me giggle with your comment about retin a, careprost, etc. Smile

Thanks, BFG

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 4:17 pm

I still giggle about the movie "Death Becomes Her". What a hoot.

I don't tend to worry all that much in that way but you sure make a good point ..What If..all the gadgets, etc went away. egads! Shock

Guess we'd all be in the same boat. Laughing

At least we could share each others pain.

Surely the day comes when one has to turn the page and make peace with aging that has taken place. For that reason it's always good to not keep all of your eggs in one basket I suppose.

Mostly I am grateful everyday that I'm trim, healthy and still grab attention. As you get older with effort you can keep a healthy weight, have great style and lots of pizzaz.
On top of that balance of life is really essential, a good attitude, posture - how you carry yourself,and a big smile can pave the way. I look forward to being a role model to younger women. I've made decisions about my look based on how I feel, not my age. I don't feel like I need to conform with what someone else thinks being in your 50's is all about. You have to know your own style and be confident. I even like the crows feet I have when I smile.(even though I try to smooth them out with facial exercises Laughing

) I've earned them.

I do many of the things barefoot does with the exception of botox, fillers or surgery. And what a great result she's had....

Without those things I'd say genetics rules in the long term aging process along with your own well-chosen skin care devices and routine. (I totally Love mine).

When you're over 50 and still rockin it - you are either very fortunate, spent a lot of money or you've worked your tail off... or a combo - which in any case you are entitled to enjoy the attention. I surely do. I keep older role models like Mimi Kirk and my favorite Aunt in mind as inspiration ...

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 7:22 pm

I love everything everyone said!

But the truth is if he still loves you and SHOWS THAT, then he does, trust it. Mine says he'll love me fat, skinny, wrinkled and old! now we'll see if thats true, he's never had too do any of that lmao! But in this "fast" world we live in, if they want out, they leave, so if hes still there telling you these wonderful things, ENJOY THEM!!!! In 20 years we'll be looking back at this time thinking, damn I looked good, wth was I thinking, just as we look at our 25 yr old pictures and think, wow I was cute, how could I have thought I was not!

It was/is a strange transition to sudden become aware, we are now what we once thought of as OLD. But times really are different!!! We all look so much better than our grandparents at this age so ENJOY each moment, we don't know how many we have. Very Happy

!!!

free skin care · Mon Aug 20, 2012 10:29 pm

I know where you're coming from. When I add up all the products that I buy and apply and the exercies/massage I do for face and body, not only is it a lot of money, but a lot of time to invest in oneself. It is tempting to chuck it all some days and just let it all hang loose (so to speak), but I do love the way these things make me look and feel. The compliments are just icing on the cake.

Like my mom always says, "If it were easy, everyone would do it." People who put in the time to take care of themselves inside and out are the ones that not only get better health check ups from their doctors, but more compliments and second looks from people.

It seems most people nowadays do not take care of themselves. That is, unfortunately, the norm. To see someone, especially in their 40s and above who is at a healthy weight and in good shape, with pretty skin and hair and puts themselves together well...that is not common at all and you should be proud of yourself that you didn't just say, "To heck with it" like a lot of women our age do.

Yes, it takes work to hold back the hands of time, but it is so worth it when you see the looks of pride in your significant other's and family's eyes. To be able to say, "Damn...I look pretty good for being in my 50s." That is a great feeling, isn't it?

free skin care · Tue Aug 21, 2012 5:47 am

sandooch wrote:

I know where you're coming from. When I add up all the products that I buy and apply and the exercies/massage I do for face and body, not only is it a lot of money, but a lot of time to invest in oneself. It is tempting to chuck it all some days and just let it all hang loose (so to speak), but I do love the way these things make me look and feel. The compliments are just icing on the cake.

Like my mom always says, "If it were easy, everyone would do it." People who put in the time to take care of themselves inside and out are the ones that not only get better health check ups from their doctors, but more compliments and second looks from people.

It seems most people nowadays do not take care of themselves. That is, unfortunately, the norm. To see someone, especially in their 40s and above who is at a healthy weight and in good shape, with pretty skin and hair and puts themselves together well...that is not common at all and you should be proud of yourself that you didn't just say, "To heck with it" like a lot of women our age do.

Yes, it takes work to hold back the hands of time, but it is so worth it when you see the looks of pride in your significant other's and family's eyes. To be able to say, "Damn...I look pretty good for being in my 50s." That is a great feeling, isn't it?

Well said! Smile

free skin care · Thu Aug 30, 2012 2:47 pm

I saw some photos recently, taken at our high school 20 yr reunion. I didn't go - I live abroad now - so looking at the photos was... shocking.

If most of the ladies who were at school with me were not wearing name tags, I would never in a million years have recognised them. Overweight, badly (inappropriatly) dressed, wrinkled and sagged, the majority looked about 15 years older than they were.

Which brings me to my view of ageing. I know I'm never going to look 20 again, and I'm okay with that. But I put a LOT of effort into maintaining my body and my face, and it has paid off. At 49, I still see *me* in the mirror and that makes all the effort worth it. If I went to a school reunion, they'd all still recognise me, I look older, but I still look like me.

free skin care · Thu Aug 30, 2012 4:21 pm

I often feel really guilty about the amount of time, effort and money I put in to my anti-aging adventures. Sometimes I think I must be totally narcissistic. But, it's a kind of hobby for me and I enjoy it immensely. During the day, I plot and plan what I'm going to put my face through after dinner. I'm not one of those women who enjoy going to the hairdressers or spa and getting pampered. I hate other people "fiddling" with me. I've never had a manicure and I hate getting my hair done or having a facial. I do love Botox and getting my cheeks filled - but basically I like waging my own anti-aging war.

At 62 I definitely look my age - but I don't think I look "old" and I certainly don't feel "old". I love make-up and fashion just as much now as I did when I was in my teens. So I will keep on keeping on as long as I enjoy it or until I slip into senility and (thankfully) don't recognise the person in the mirror staring back at me!

free skin care · Fri Aug 31, 2012 3:56 pm

Here's what I think is a funny little story. Thanks to genetics and nothing else I did not see any aging in my face until around age 45... until one day when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

My bedroom in my old house was small and I had no space for a makeup vanity - so I used to keep my makeup in a caddy and lie down with my makeup mirror and apply it while lying in bed (no kidding)...then I would get up and start my day...so basically I only studied my face from a lying down position lol.

One day I jumped up to look at my face while standing and I was stunned at the difference - dark circles and sagging, wrinkles, etc.

That was all it took for me to begin this journey which has turned back the clock and holding for now...

BFG

free skin care · Fri Aug 31, 2012 4:01 pm

karenlee hit the nail on the head. My goal was not to look all that much younger or even prettier. I simply did not want to lose "me".

I have watched people I went to school with morph into something completely different and it kind of bothers me...the kiss of death happens when a woman begins to remind me of Mrs. Doubtfire (ouch!)...

Weight maintenance seems to be key...neither too heavy nor too thin. Good health and skincare and well you all know the rest.

Be well, BFG

free skin care · Fri Aug 31, 2012 4:07 pm

When I complain to my daughters about how much I'm aging - my daughters tell me to go Google "women in their 60s" and see what they look like - many do resemble Mrs. Doubtfire! Whilst I never want to be the "mutton dressed as lamb" cliche - I am in terror of becoming Mrs. Doubtfire!

free skin care · Sat Sep 01, 2012 10:04 am

I look at maintaining my body as I would an old car. I've managed to keep my cars running far longer than most people. I repainted one and it looked like new. Same with my body. I put the time and money into maintenance and repair and it pays off. My only gripe is that it gets more expensive every year.

Being single, I can't let myself go like most women my age. I want to get married and men are visual creatures.

free skin care · Sat Sep 01, 2012 6:47 pm

Bingo- Weight maintenance is key - keeping the body toned. Men will complain about how their wife is heavy or 'got fat'.
It doesn't matter if you're married or not - by and large men prefer their woman fit. Even the fat men do. Yes an ugly double standard but I hear it all the time. Maybe they tell their wife but not always.

You don't need to be super thin - this doesn't look good either when you get older but heavy almost always equals dowdy and (eegad) matronly. The best skincare, botox, fillers, whatever won't change it. Look at all the women who are attractive and older - they may have wrinkles but they have their weight at an attractive range.
Jack Lalane said Fitness is King; Nutrition is Queen and these are the Hallmarks of a fit, healthy body and a glowing complexion.

free skin care · Sun Sep 02, 2012 2:52 pm

Keliu wrote:

Whilst I never want to be the "mutton dressed as lamb" cliche - I am in terror of becoming Mrs. Doubtfire!

OMG, I can always count on you for a good, hearty belly laugh. Laughing

free skin care · Sun Sep 02, 2012 3:18 pm

LMAO about Mrs. Doubtfire!! Laughing

I was in my mid-forties when I started stepping up my anti-aging game. So my husband was working all that time and leading a busy life. He never noticed all the stuff that I did to look good, he just knew I looked good and would at times proudly tell people how I exercise, etc.

So he retires and is less busy. One day he looks at my anti-aging arsenal of gadgets and serums, and creams (Oh my!) and says, with a look of shock on his face, "I didn't know you were so vain!" I looked at him straight in the eye and said, "Have we met?" Laughing

He teases me about my stuff at times, but I KNOW that he loves that at almost 50 I look the best that I can. No Mrs. Doubtfire here! LOL!

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