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Sat Jul 26, 2008 1:03 pm  |
These are good recommendations. And, speaking as a person who has had clinical depression all my life -- and been on medications (with varying degrees of success) since lllooong before it was trendy -- I do understand what you're going through. I was a candidate for ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) TWICE.
Please, please, please, seek out a doctor, couselour, therapist. You are very depressed; I can hear it in your words. The tinny echo of hopelessness and... hopelessness. When you spend the day in bed (and I have spent many days in bed, all of which I wish I had back), you have a MEDICAL PROBLEM. There are programs and sliding payment scales and lots of help out there. You have to summon up the courage and energy from SOMEWHERE. (I won't tell you to "pull yourself up from your bootstraps;" I am painfully aware that you have no bootstraps right now) and look on the internet or in the yellow pages for professional help. Google your town and "therapy sliding scale" or "low cost."
Just do that much. A tiny effort will make you feel remarkably more empowered and in control. If you are not up to that, answer this:
What can you do RIGHT NOW that will make you feel more competent and productive and proud? I remember one day, for me, it was "clean out the cat box." Which I did. I wasn't up to doing the dishes. But I could dump out the cat box. I thought I'd give it "a try." And I stayed up that day. That tiny effort started a string of tasks over the next few weeks and months that got me better.
You will not be happier with how you look until you are happier with how you feel (NOT the other way around). You are caught in a downward spiral of negative thinking, and you need serious intervention to put the brakes on.
I can tell you that the Universe did not put you here to suffer, that you will feel better when you think in terms of what you can give to the world, rather than what you can get, that your thinking is clouded with chemicals and electrical patterns that you cannot WILL your way out of -- any more than a diabetic can WILL herself into producing natural insulin.
Please. For the good of the WORLD. What tiny, tiny thing can you do RIGHT NOW to make yourself feel better? Take a shower? Research depression at the library? Call someone and talk about nothing at all -- just check in and ask how THEY are?
I have spent many, many days and YEARS where you are. Completely paralyzed. It is not how life was meant to be.
And, may I add? Being alone is NOT the worst thing in the world. Unless you are with someone who abuses you with catastrophic thinking and negative talk and self-abuse.
Treat yourself at LEAST as kindly as you would treat a ten year old child. Who you loved.
Don't try to change the world or your looks or your life all at once. Do one tiny thing today. Just one. I know it's terribly overwhelming to even think about. Sometimes my only way out was this three-step thought process:
1. Accept your feelings (don't ignore or dismiss them)
2. Know your purpose (turn on the shower, stand up and leave your room)
3. Do what needs to be done. (just go through the motions, to start)
This small springboard will change the chemicals in your brain and start to clear your thinking.
Do what you must to feel better. Feelings are NOT facts.
Honey. I'll be 53 on August 10. People respond sooo much more positively to me now than when I was 28 -- and "gorgeous." Connection -- with yourself, with others, with your God/Universe -- is what life is all about.
Be generous. Give.
I wish you strength and peace. |
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tenderlovingwork.com, astonishing handmade gifts |
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Sat Jul 26, 2008 6:29 pm |
Hello  ,real depression is a lot more common than people think. I think it is important to search for the right medication - some just make things worse. But it is only the first step.
I know that things I am about to say may seem useless to you now when you you are sitting in the bottom of dark pit feeling like there is no way out - but if you chip away, bit by bit you will realise you are a valuable person and you are worth it!
-I have seen great results from physical activity and getting in touch with nature. It is greatly underestimated. Just walking/swimming 40 mins a day, and being able to sit in a garden or a park have been discovered to make a big difference - believe it or not! A recent survey showed that just being able to see trees outside your window helps with moods by 50%. troublesome kids improved, hospital patients healed faster etc.
-I also believe that group therapy will do a lot of good. Can your doctor recommend one? Also check with your local council, library notice board, community house etc. There WILL be one out there. (For instance I found Al Anon made a big difference to me). Self help groups
understand you, don't judge you and help with the loneliness and disconnection that you are currently feeling.
-I also think that reading a couple of chapters daily from an appropriate self help book help keeps your mind focussed and your spirit encouraged to keep doing all the above. There are heaps out there! It is kind of like reinforcing a positive message. I advise regular daily reading for a period of months.
-Love a pet. Seriously - cats are wonderful to pat and care for. Personally, I love my guinea pig. Animals give you unconditional acceptance.
-Reaching out to others in need is great too. Do a little volunteer work-at the RSPCA, homeless shelter etc. Studies show this greatly improves our sense of worth and well being.
Finally, none of us are as pretty or youthful as we would like to be. Everyone bears emotional burdens throughout their lives (even though we don't get to see them). Most people have borne a loss, whether it be a death, losing a relationship etc. Others struggle with illness, or other unfair burdens. (As Scott Peck says "life wasn't meant to be easy"). So, the answer for me has been to plan for the future, but live in the moment. I think we are all looking for inner peace.
All of the above may seem a bit overwhelming at the moment, so take baby steps first and let one small achievement build on another.
Today - get yourself to a library and borrow a few inspirational self help books and start reading.
When you next see your doctor, review your medication and ask him about a self help group. That meeting can become the highlight of your week!
I am guessing that you really do not look as bad as you think you do. It is true though that how we look affects how we feel. Exfoliate, moisturise, slap on some makeup and update your hair cut. But look after the inside too.
Sending you positive vibes all the way from Australia
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Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:48 am |
Hey sally. I dont think any cream, lotion or serum is going to really make you feel better about yourself, that needs to come from within.
To start, i suggest eating healthy. Maybe you already do, but if you dont that can play a HUGE difference in the way you feel about yourself. Cut out the refined sugars and stick to wholesome, nutritious foods. Drink lots of water as well.
I promise you your looks are NOT the beginning and the end of who you are. People really don't care about your apperance (unless you dont wash and stink  ). It's your character and personality that matter.
To help give you a glow i suggest giving yourself a facial. Try steaming your face for 10 minutes then trying the aspirin mask. That should make you look fresh, and feel really good.
As for the older guys wanting younger ladies, thats NOT true. Maybe my argument has no validation because im a 21 year old guy but...i cant ever imagine being a 40 year old male in a relationship with a 20-something. What could they have in common? NOTHING. A 20 year old has no life experience and hardly any wisdom (trust me, i know).
Start laughing more, and smiling a lot...thats your homework for this week.
-Nathan |
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Sun Jul 27, 2008 4:07 pm |
Hi Sally,
It sounds like you are starting to really try. 
Give yourself a big hug from all of us.
Things will get better.
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Mon Jul 28, 2008 5:42 am |
Hi, Sally. Here's where I'm coming from. I turned 50 in November...My 40s were a very happy and fruitful time in my life.
When I was about 38 I went through a really bad depression (I think that's when it was). I had been depressed before, but this was a can't get out of bed thing. I got treatment, including medication and a support group (group therapy) for women with depression. That actually turned out to be the best thing for me, because I got perspective on my situation and found out that even though I thought I was f**ed up that I could still be insightful and help other people. And I learned to follow my own advice.
Around the time I was depressed--I think it was before--I went through a period of feeling old. A lot of it was from the inside out--looking back, I doubt I looked older than I was, or anything. I just felt low, and that is part of how it manifested itself. When I felt better, I looked better. I am tempted to laugh looking back on it because I really wasn't old, and I didn't look old, I just felt bad and it colored everything.
I can honestly say that since that bad bout with depression I have never again approached that depth of depression. I feel down periodically, but I will never let it get that bad again without seeking help.
There are many books and tools to help. I think group therapy might help you. Many people also find that cognitive-behavioral therapy is more helpful than analysis. A lot of people recommend a book called "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" (or something like that) by David Burns (or something like that).
You might even want to minimize spending time on the computer, esp. beauty boards like this one, till you regain your perspective.
Another thing that may help, strangely enough, is trying to fill your life with beauty, whether it's going to museums, keeping flowers in your house, buying small, pretty things that cheer you up, etc. Even having art books or design books at home. And spending time in nature. Anything that helps you see and appreciate the multifaceted nature of beauty (especially the fact that beauty means more than just a pretty face). Sometimes I think we live beauty-depleted lives, and feeling ugly is a way that manifests itself.
Other things to try...Stop by a church and light a candle or pray. Do yoga. Try to do at least random act of kindness each day. You get the idea.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Dianne |
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Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:10 am |
Okay, I will stop after this.
I really love and recommend this yoga DVD to everybody...It's a form of yoga called Kundalini, by Ana Brett and Ravi Singh.
The DVD is Dance The Chakras and you can get it at Amazon and via Amazon Marketplace VERY reasonably. There is something uplifting and energizing about this DVD and it boosts your glandular function. It is fine for beginners (just do the modifications) and will make you feel good all over.
And to add to what I said above, I really mean it when I say that we need more beauty in our lives. Listen to beautiful music (classical or new age, if you like), look at beautiful flowers, read about beautiful people (inner beauty), contemplate nature, surround yourself with beautiful sights, smells, sounds, feelings, words, etc. etc. You will stop thinking about how you look and begin to enjoy being alive more. |
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Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:05 pm |
Ah firstly Happy Birthday for tomorrow Edithsz. I hope you have a truely fantastic day there
Todays been another long day where i just wanted to get home asap. I tried first thing to be more positive but i didnt quite grasp it and well ended up in tears during work time. I think ive already lost some friends through how i am but i cant say i dont blame them in any way shape or form. Some days im so self absorbed, i feel angry at myself for how i look and i guess im just not nice to be around. Its not that imnasty to people but im so very quiet ... more speak when i spoken to really but half of that is if im quiet people arnt looking at me or noticing me. My childhood wasnt really bad as some but then not as good as some peoples. My parents divorced when i was 3. My mums second marriage was to an alcholic so i saw a lot of physical abuse growing up. Ive had this ugly image since infant school. The dr who is assessing me thinks it something to do with my parents divorcing or something else happened to me around that time. I cant remember a thing. I cant remember my dad ever been with us as a family, or hugs and cuddles from my mum or dad at all in my life and not playing with youre parents as children do. It was like i was just a kid who grew up with some people really. Maybe this is where the hate comes from and why i look so ugly and because ive not really had the love its what i want so much and because i dont have it the ugly image has gotten worse with age as i look older than my years. Im just drained of it and tired emotionally so much so that most of the time i dont feel i have any emotion in me. I seem to watch myself go to work and do my job but its not really me doing it as i feel so detached. its all gone from me i think. Twice now ive tried to end. The first some years ago prior to this last time. Both i failed or was it a half hearted attempt because i was too scared? i think an ealry night to bed is inorder because its the only time im at peace if i sleep. Maybe tomorrow i can wake and try more harder. Imsorry if i let everyone down after all your kindness. I do hope that in some small and strange way this has helped others though. I will try tomorrow to be more positive but today even though i started off with good intention it didnt quite happen
Thank you all agian
Lots of love Sally xxx |
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Sally |
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Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:05 pm |
Thank you very much Sally.
Please think that you are not alone. Look how many people is touched by your story and is here for you with you. It is a good sign that you've been so open about your feelings and that you try to change your attitude in a positive one. It will not work like a miracle, but step by step you'll advance and pull yourself out of this. You still need professional help which will show you the way out, so please ask for it. Pills alone will not take you out of this, pills usually treat the symptoms and not the root of the problem. You need to get there...to the root and find out what exactly causes to make you feel like this.
You've got a lots of friends out there Sally, don't forget that. |
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Fri Aug 01, 2008 7:03 am |
Sally,
Over the years I have had the privilege of reading and responding to your post. I do remember well your picture. You are very attractive. Your eyes are stunning!
In saying that, when we are depressed nothing seems right or looks good. Depression is hell but it DOES LIFT. Please hang in there. You never know, the best time of your life could be sooner then you realize. Continue therapy. If medication is suggested take it daily (don't skip).
I also went though a period of depression. At the end of the day I was disgusted as it seemed I went around in circles and accomplished nothing. I started making a list in the evening of what I was to accomplish the next day. As I completed each task I crossed it off. What a sense of pride I had knowing all the goals I completed. The list does not have to be over the top. At the time I was a stay at home Mom. Here is an example of a list. Know that I had no energy. Without this list I felt like a failure at the end of the day. Yes, the depression started to lift. Everyday is not going to be successful. Try to look at your cup a half full rather then half empty. It is hard Sally to lift yourself from the pit of depression but many have done it...you can too!!! 
Take shower
put on one make-up
make beds
prepare dinner
call a friend
play with the children
take a walk (short is OK)
do something nice for a stranger
worry limited to 1 hour a day (not all day)
God bless you Sally. Know that I will keep you in my prayers.
Big Hugs,
Winnie
Don't Quit
Author Unknown
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and its turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When they might have won, had they stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victors cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!
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_________________
As I am getting older I realize my biggest beauty secret is smile more and frown less. Be aware that wrinkles do not make a person unattractive. Cynicism, unforgiveness, anger and jealousy are the real culprits. Sixty something |
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