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Sun May 31, 2009 4:18 pm  |
I agree with another poster that you are approaching it from the belief that you are 'right' and he is not. honestly your fiancee sounds pretty good if you ask me. My husband criticized my every move, but would not lift a finger to help at all.
If you cannot enjoy life until the dishes are done, I would say that represents a deeper issue just as much as his hoarding does. My counselor said we marry someone at our maturity level, so that is something to think about. I also believe you do not 'have' to clean after his kids, it is a choice you make. period. And you can choose not to do it.
Here is what I have done, I started to not clean up after my kids because they are old enough now, (mid elementary) and as a result, I expect them to clean up after themselves. The fact is that my expectations have changed, but they still are not cleaning. So now the stuff I am now getting rid of is their stuff. I gave them many warnings that if they wanted something, they would have to take care of it, and they are not taking care so I am tossing or donating the items. The funny thing is, I think I wanted them to care for their stuff (when they really could care less). So I kept giving them chances to care about stuff they did not care about !! Sounds crazy and it retrospect it is !! I think we all will be happier with a neater environment, I am not going to spend my life cleaning up after people, not my kids or anyone else's. That is my choice.
Also regarding the plates having to be clean issue, how about using paper plates that you throw away after? How about grilling so there is not much mess in the kitchen? How about mimimizing your cooking tasks, like while making scrambled eggs - add milk to the eggs in the skillet you cook in (vs mixing in a seperate bowl first) this saves you one step ! Also eating fresh vegetables that do not require cooking, this is much better for you anyway. I know this sounds crazy, but last year we ordered out our thanksgiving dinner from Meijer !! I never would have done this a few years ago, I was too 'vain' about those types of things back then. I think it cost around $40 for all the fixins for 8 people. It was the most relaxing thanksgiving ever !! I really mean that. In prior years I had so much stress because I thought I 'had' to do this or that. I finally realized I do not 'have' to do any of these things, unless I choose to. And this has made me a much more cheerful giver as a result, vs feeling the resentment.
Anyway, there is more then one way to skin a horse. I would encourage you to give some serious thought that perhaps your 'way' causes YOU stress and generates resentment ? That if you don't get your 'way' you cannot relax and resentment builds. Then that must not be a very emotionally healthy 'way', if you think of it from that perspective. I used to be this 'way' to, not a neat freak but definitely about other issues.
good luck lily ! |
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Sun May 31, 2009 4:37 pm |
| Luvtosmile - awesome post. Thanks - really - it hit home for me - things to think about and hope it helps Lily. |
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Enjoying dermalogica with my ASG and Pico toner ** Disclosure: I was a participant without remuneration in promotional videos for Ageless Secret Gold and the Neurotris Pico Emmy event. |
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