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Sat Mar 11, 2006 6:24 pm  |
Not sure if everyone here can or will appreciate the humor here....personally, I thought it was pretty funny, but I'm a twisted bunny most of the time  
So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor?.... The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country:
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
#14 "Take your hands off the car again and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh. Did I mention that I am the shift super-
visor?
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#*!."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
AND yes, the best one
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't... Sign! here." *Love this one... |
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Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Sat Mar 11, 2006 6:29 pm |
| That's not humor. It's sarcastic and MEAN!!! |
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53, DermaQuest, NCN Products, PMD, Dermarolling |
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Sat Mar 11, 2006 6:39 pm |
I LOVED THEM ALL!!!!!  Thanks for the laugh!!! |
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46 yrs old, I live at the beach and love being out in the sun. |
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Sun Mar 12, 2006 6:04 pm |
| <chuckling>, thanks for the laugh..hehe |
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Early 40's, normal/dry, Oily T zone (summer) fine lines, hyperpigmentation |
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Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:05 am |
| Hilarious! |
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Location: Denmark. Me = 32, think I'm combo without oiliness + sometimes sensitive. Have noticed that skin doesn't heal as quickly anymore and I've developed fine lines around my eyes... Hormonal breakouts which are sometimes cystic. PCOS |
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Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:42 am |
Soooooo funny! My SO is a police officer & will get the biggest kick out of these. Thanks for posting them!
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Pure Skin Formulations, LLC | http://www.psfskincare.com |
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Mon Mar 13, 2006 5:59 am |
oooh... #1 a crushing blow.. but I must say my FAVORITE was:
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."  |
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Mon Mar 13, 2006 8:02 am |
I have family in the police and these quotes are spot on....  |
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oily/acne prone - acne scars on chin area/Large Pores in winter. Oily in Summer. Fair, nuetral/cool complexion, burn easily. Early 20s |
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The Jerk
New Member
 
Joined: 15 Mar 2006
Posts: 8
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Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:28 am |
A little tale I heard from a friend of mine who went over to the states.
He was driving through Nowheresville in middle america when a cop pulled him over and told him to 'Get outta the car and adopt the attitude'.
My friend got out of the car, and not knowing what the cop was referring to, asked him innocently 'Adopt the attitude?'.
'Yeah' said the cop, 'Stick your hands up, you asshole'
My friend misunderstood and replied, horrified,
'Stick my hands up my asshole???'
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The Jerk
New Member
Joined: 15 Mar 2006
Posts: 8
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Fri Mar 17, 2006 11:31 am |
Actually, I have just re-read that last post and I don't think it makes much sense...I am sure tha cop must have said 'Get outta the car and adopt the position'
Ah well....I should proof read these posts before I submit them...but, you know....they don't call me The Jerk for nothing. |
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