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Mon May 22, 2006 8:06 pm  |
I wanted to talk about the emotions you guys felt as you realized youth was fleeting, and how you have learned to deal with getting older... and the things you appreciate about being older.
I turned 25 this year and I feel a distinct change in myself and my life. I know I am still young and have a lot ahead of me, but I do feel like I am waving goodbye to youth, and that makes me sad. I don't feel carefree anymore. I feel the burdens of adulthood weighing down on me. I feel like certain doors are closed.
I'm just getting used to all this, and wary of growing older and everything that goes along with it. I was wondering if those of you who are around the same age as me or older can offer some words about what is GOOD about getting older...or some insight on what you felt like during this distinct turning point from youth to adulthood. I know there must be a lot of good things around the bend, and I am trying to look forward to them all and concentrate on the positive as I adjust to this new phase of my life.
Thanks,
Janis |
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Tue May 23, 2006 12:45 am |
it's an interesting post, so even I'm sitting in my office and actually should work hard I just have to write to you Janis.
Well, basically, you are amazingly young and please enjoy it. I remember my 25, just finishing my studies, getting my PhD degree and starting to work. and life became completely different, suddenly. but I still felt unsure and had little self confidence and "didn't feel right in my skin", somehow. But then I very much enjoyed my early 30s (so go ahead Janis, nice & interesting times are coming !). I felt self confident at the end, I was prettier than any time before (had the money to buy the right cloths and cosmetics, membership in a good gym, dropped weight due to stress in my job, etc.). First with 35 I realized I'm getting older: sagging skin, health problems, conflicts with men, depression. Though I emerged from the crisis stronger and had few good years, quiet and wise, spending lots of time alone, coming clear with myself (my self) - this is aging for me. And when I thought I'll stay alone (not lonely!) for the rest of my life I met a man, who's my husband since 3 weeks now and I'm looking forward to getting older with him (I'm 41 now).
Of course I'd like to have the skin (and specially the health) of a 25 years old person but basically it's not a tragedy for me to get older. I'm a buddhist, probably it helps as well. And although I colour my hair, I don't want to use botox or any surgery (I'll try my best with IS clonical...). The only thing which makes me unhappy from time to time that I don't have children (I suffered miscarriages).
I hope I wasn't too "close and personal", I just wanted to tell you that it's also nice getting wise, experienced, SERENE.
have fun Janis !
lin |
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Mabsy
Moderator
 
Joined: 17 Aug 2003
Posts: 9644
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Tue May 23, 2006 2:20 am |
This may perhaps be because I'm a rather childish person and just a kid at heart, but it doesn't bother me (thus far) that I am getting older. I'm heading towards 30 and enjoying more responsibility at work, more confidence in the things I do, strengthening of friendships, greater financial independence (EDS * spam alert * permitting), building my first house (again EDS * spam alert * permitting) and quality time with my friends (and their kids now too  ) and family. I notice that my friends and I have moved away from going out to bars often to staying in and having dinner instead - but I like this.
I think you should focus on family and friends and enjoying your time with them, rather than worrying about aging. That can be easier said than done, but I think you have lots to look forward to |
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Tue May 23, 2006 3:22 am |
| Forget about the aging issue and really, really enjoy your life now. You can never go back but you can go forward. One of the biggest disappointments in life and the thing that can bring sorrow to you in older age (like over 50) is wishing you could go back and change your life or wishing you could go back to say, the age of 25 and start again and how much better it would be the second time around. We don't get a second chance so make the most of it now, you are young and you are still very much in the prime of life. Enjoy it. |
_________________
Skin: Over 60, ex combination now sensitive, Cellcosmet |
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Tue May 23, 2006 4:45 pm |
Janis: you're so young! Many people find their 30's and 40's the most satifying part of their lives. I'd have to say that in many ways things have gotten better for me and I'm 51. My daughter is growing up, I'm in a great job and have learned so much. I'm a lot less frantic more contemplative but thats good.
I don't really look forward to old age. My parents have been sick and I can see how hard it is as their friends die off but I think you can still have a good life if you focus on keeping busy with satisfying work volunteer or otherwise. |
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Tue May 23, 2006 7:03 pm |
I'm 41, going to be 42 on June 1st, and I have a 4 year old son (I know what was I thinking???) I remember when I was in my 20s and even my early 30s I spent alot of time worrying about what people thought about me, my looks, what I was wearing, etc. Now that I'm a bit more older and (of course) much wiser, I realize the only opinion of me that really matters ~ is mine!
We all take things for granted...things I know now...don't wish time away (it goes fast enough), and don't dwell on things in the past you can't change. Don't let the trivial stuff rent space in your head, it's never worth it. |
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Tue May 23, 2006 10:48 pm |
You know life is a continum, a neve ending circle, sorry to get philosophical but I'm 52 so I guess I'm allowed. When I was 25 I thought I'd never live to see 50( I was kinda wild when I was younger) but here I am. I'm now a GM and that is awesome! Now that I'm 52 I can't imagine being 75, my mother's age, but both of my parents are resonably healthy. As they say hind sight is 20/20 but there are certain aspects to life that IMO should not be ignored:
1. Have fun regardless of your age
2. Enjoy your children while they are
young, it doesn't last long
3. Be with someone you love and who
loves you back
4. Take care of yourself, no one else
can do it as well, exercise, eat
healthy, drink in moderation
5. Don't ignore your woman's intution
if something's not right, don't wait
to see a doctor
6. Last but not least, don't forget your
spiritual life, have faith in God or
some other higher being
I'm sorry this is so long, I hope it doesn't sound too preachy or arrogant. This is my 1st night off in a while and this subject just hit home. Janet. |
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Wed May 24, 2006 8:20 am |
| I'm turning 28 soon, and I've never felt more like "me" before. I've finally decided what I want to do with the rest of my life and have made some really positive changes. I've made the majority of my stupid, youthful mistakes, and I feel like I finally know what I'm doing. When I think of how naive I was when I was in my late teens and early twenties it's really quite embarassing! So enjoy your wisdom and direction - you're finally becoming your mature self. |
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Wed May 24, 2006 12:54 pm |
Hi Janis,
You are still very young... I am a few years older than you!! ha ha.. I never think of getting older is a problem but I do feel sad when I see my parents and relatives are getting older.... I have to attend more funerals than before... that's really sad...
Janis, Be positive!!! guess you haven't married and have no kids ? You should treasure your single moment now!!! go and take a portrait, travelling for a while... you should enjoy your life, don't stay at home and keep thinking of those questions.
Janis, don't laugh at me... tell you what I did when I was 25, I went to take a "wedding" Portrait by myself!!! ha ha... as I want to take some good memory for my sweet 25!!! haha...I know I was a bit crazy, but it was fun!!! now, I never regret what I did!!!! Some of my friends even teased me and asked me if I have divorce before why I had wedding picture in my room!!! ha ha... so Janis, be positive, you are still very young, no panic...SUNSHINE is ahead of you !!!! |
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Wed May 24, 2006 1:47 pm |
| Don't worry Janis, you must be aging very beautifully 'coz you know all those beauty tips here. I'm 38 and always need to show my ID when I buy cigarettes and go to casinos. hehe... |
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Wed May 24, 2006 2:35 pm |
Janis - It appears you've struck a bit of a cord here with alot of us. Myself as well. If I knew at 25 what I know now, looking at 41 in 7 weeks...gulp...the things I would change!!
1st thing that comes to mind is that I had NO sense at all at 25 - though I thought I had my sh*t together. HA! I didn't get any sense whatsoever til I was 30. By 35 I was really becoming quite comfortable with 'me'. We hopefully continue to grow & learn daily, but I just became very comfortable with who I was v/s who I was going to be.
ENJOY your youth!!! Don't take yourself too seriously - that will all come, as you're beginning to find out. Be silly - allow others to see you be silly. NO ONE I know ever guesses my age. Why? Because 1/2 the time I'm acting like a damn fool, lol! I know all too well that life is short and can be snatched from you in an instant. Take care of yourself - because no matter who you surround yourself with in the end it's you that you need. Depend on yourself, you'll never be disappointed.
Take care your body & skin. It's a shell, but as we ALL know, it's the only 1 we've got! Tend to your boo-boo's, use scar cream (this is 1 I KICK myself for all the time! I always say when I die the cororner is gonna pull back the sheet and say 'dear lord, what happened to this woman?! She looks like an Atlas Road Map!!)
Listen to the advice & stories of your elders. Sounds hokey I know - but OH! the things I wish I had taken to heart instead of that grain of salt!
We all have those days when we feel the 'best' is behind us. Go do something for you...it will make you feel better.
Smile!!! It'll make everyone around you wonder what you did!  |
_________________
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Wed May 24, 2006 8:24 pm |
Thank you all for your responses, it is always helpful for me to talk to women who are older than me and get their perspectives.
Yep, not married and have no kids...not sure what route I will take ther, but I supposed I'll figure that out as I go along. I know you can't force things.
I guess what I'm finding as I get older is I'll get these ideas like "I should travel for a few months" or "I should quit this boring ass job and pursue something more meaningful to me" etc... but, now that I'm "adult" I feel like I can't do these types of things anymore because adults have to just suck it up, put their noses to the grindstone, and deal with responsibilities that aren't always fun. There are financial realities, there are consequences to actions. That's the attitude that's been instilled in me by my parents, at least, and I guess I'm falling for it.
All I know is just two years ago I felt so much more "free." I was a little reckless, a little flakey -- hopping from job to job, place to place, smoking too much pot... but wow, I felt so much more alive. I now feel like, OK, life is going to your job every day 9-5 and you have your 14 vacations day a year, and that's it, you're trapped in this little cycle and it's not going to change. I'm still getting used to that. I'm still getting used to showing up at the same place, day in and day out.
To be honest I do find it stifling, and sometimes I want to scream. It was the part of adulthood I feared the most when I was younger -- just sinking into routines, losing your passion, your confusion. Giving up the struggle, basically. And I see myself doing that, trading my restlessness and wanderlust for... security and sameness. And in a way it disappoints me...but is this just growing up?
All right, I'm just putting down my thoughts. If you have read through this little soliloquy and have any comments, I'd love to hear them, and thanks for listening... |
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Wed May 24, 2006 9:52 pm |
| Quote: |
| I should quit this boring ass job and pursue something more meaningful to me |
Just reading what you have just said, a change of job just might make a difference. If you have a loving husband (and kids if applicable) to go home to every day then it is possible to put up with a boring job as there is life after work but if that doesn't exist then you either have to find a job you want to go to every day or find something outside of work that will make up for the boredom. As you aren't married, then you may need to find a job you really want or change your lifestyle so that there is a satisfying life outside of work. |
_________________
Skin: Over 60, ex combination now sensitive, Cellcosmet |
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Thu May 25, 2006 5:26 am |
You must have a passion for something. Hanging out and smoking pot sounds boring. You're young, find what you like to do and prepare yourself for it. Work is too much a part of everybody's life to have it be something you do not like to do. I started in an industrial job I knew it was not for me and went back to school. I have a teaching job I love it is flexible aand I'm my own boss.
At 40 my sis went back to school to get her PhD she just graduated this past Sunday (at 45) and is going to do a Prize post doc and then look for a teaching job (she turned down a college teaching job to take the riskier route). She's very excited about life in general.
You are young it should be easier for u to do something like this because you have less commitments. Life is what you make it. |
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Thu May 25, 2006 6:27 am |
Hey Janis,
The twenties are overrated.
I'm 42 now, but I remember vividly feeling like you do at 25. My boss at the time (who was 39) sat me down for a talk. She told me that life begins at 28. She said that until then, just relax, and don't freak out if you don't have the contentment you desire. You're still a puppy really, and you have much to learn. You're not suppose to have the answers yet that make you truly happy.
It turns out that she was right. I stopped worrying about it, and ideas and opportunities started coming my way. I started my first small business at 28. At 33 I married the man of my dreams. I have now had over a decade of alot of hard work, but this part of the journey has been way more rewarding than the partying days were.
The thirties are great because the physical losses are small, really, but the self-knowledge and wisdom that are gained are HUGE -- it really is a wonderful decade. AND, if you take care of yourself, your physical body will remain strong and youthful, and you can extend this great time though your forties and beyond.
Recently, I sat my 25-year-old niece down and had this same talk with her (her similar frustrations had manifested themselves in a temporary shopping * spam alert *, and she was very unhappy). Once she relaxed and stopped expecting to be fully content with her life at present, she felt better. She's doing great now, and is stashing money away every month now so she can have a down payment on her first home. She says that she's never worked harder, and never been happier (she still goes out and cuts loose occasionally ; BTW, I still do too! ).
Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now -- I'm suddenly motivated to get a workout in before my dermatology appointment 
Take Care,
--B |
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Thu May 25, 2006 10:09 am |
| I agree with bushy - I think it sounds like your job is what's holding you back, not your age. Maybe now is the time to jump into a new career or pursue a new degree! You are single with no kids, no strings to hold you down. You can do anything you want and you may not have this opportunity again for the rest of your life so take advantage! |
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