Why I don't feel tingle when you kiss your boyfriend
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Mon Jun 19, 2006 8:14 pm

I love him because he's v. nice and caring.I sometimes find him boring, he doesn't make decision quickly enough and doesn't like taking risks either. I don't fancy kissing him! I don't know why! What should I do? Sad

(but I do love him) I'm so affraid of losing my first and best love, a friend told me that first love is the best love.

free skin care · Tue Jun 20, 2006 4:42 am

Oh boy... controversial answer here... putting on my armor....Okay, I'm ready.

I'm in the camp that says the tingle is everything. The tingle is your base level connection from which everything stems. I've been dating for almost 20 years and time and time again, when there was no tingle, there was no future. You can love him to pieces, but the tingle helps you differentiate the friend from the lover.

Do what your heart tells you to do.

And in the meantime, I don't agree with your friend. First loves are relative to where you are in your life. I look back at my "first love," and say WHAT!?!?!

free skin care · Tue Jun 20, 2006 6:39 am

I have to agree with LandB here. I can't tell you how many times I tried to date guys who were sweet and nice and I was terribly fond of them, but the chemistry just wasn't there and I did not want to kiss them at all. If there chemistry isn't there, I'm afraid it's going to be very difficult to make it work. Especially considering you get frustrated with how your guy is slow, doesn't take risks, etc, it sounds like you really just aren't that attracted to him physically or personally. Don't beat yourself up over it.

free skin care · Tue Jun 20, 2006 9:40 am

Yeah I need the tingle. I have never lost that tingle with anyone, but I've never gotten it from someone who I didn't have it with in the first place... make sense? I love that tingle, I wouldn't be in a relationship without it... its selling yourself short.

free skin care · Tue Jun 20, 2006 9:59 am

There has to be a certain chemistry that makes a relationship happy. Maybe it's the fact that you just love your bf because he is really nice and treats you well, however you are lacking something in this relationship that you are seeking for in a mate.
So many people get stuck in the idea that the first love is your true love, soulmate or the best love you'll ever find. This is BS. Usually people find their first boyfriends/girlfriends young like right out of highschool (like i did) and think that you love them and can't live your life without them. I think it takes a bit of trail and error to find that person that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. Don't just settle. With every relationship, you get to find out more about the kind of person you want to be with as well as find yourself. For example when I met my ex bf, I thought he was my soulmate and I was deeply in love. As time passes there were things about him that I was lacking. Or I'd wish that he was a little bit more like this, or a little bit less like that. But then I just thought I'd live with it. Well we broke up and I am so glad we did because I dont want to just settle. But I want to find that person that swipes me off my feel everytime he kisses me.

free skin care · Tue Jun 20, 2006 10:37 am

A "tingle" feeling is A MUST for a long lasting relationship. It's the base of your passion. And I agreed with BCGirl, DON'T SETTLE. We all get "used to" people / things. You think you love him but maybe you're just used to have him around. Or you need somebody to be with you to do things together. Listen to your heart and follow it. You will meet a man and you'll be tingling from the bottom of your feet all the way to your head!!!

free skin care · Tue Jun 20, 2006 2:48 pm

I do believe that there can be a great relationship without passion. You just have to be aware of the «lack of» and not expect it to change for the better. I have had relationships filled with passion that didn't have enough «caring» and «liking». My marriage is loving, caring but passion-devoided. It is fine by me. I prefer to be treated nicely. Passion is not always nurturing.

Wed Jun 21, 2006 6:24 am

I'm speechless! Never thought you guys would be this nice Very Happy

Well, I've got to rethink about that, it probably kills me when I try to tell my bf that "I love you, but I just don't fall in love head over heels"

free skin care · Wed Jun 21, 2006 7:21 am

I agree 100% with all the posts here. The Tingle factor is EVERYTHING! That tingle is the passion. I recently started seeing a new guy (2 months now) that gives me everything I am looking for. I have never felt the kind of "tingle" I feel for him. I think that is because I feel so much passion for him. Remember those "new" relationships that always have the tingle or excitement and when the relationship is not new anymore that goes away? Usually when that goes away, you have to have other things that make the relationship interesting. Sounds like many of his qualities you really don't like. Sweet and caring is a great trait to have, but maybe more so in a friendship. Tingle and Passion is where it is at. Go find it and keep this guy for a best friend. Good luck Very Happy

Wed Jun 21, 2006 3:44 pm

We started a up with real tingle, the kind you feel in you gut. This first the first tingle is gone years ago, but this do not mean that we are not in love. I love kissing my boyfriend and we never part without a kiss goodbye( he even wakes me up for a kiss Smile

). After 4 years of living together I think our relationship goes trough syccluses, and are constantly developing. Sometimes we can not get enough of each other and other times beeing a part for a week do not matter. Eventhough the first tingle is gone I would never give up this relationship in order to feel tingle on my lips again.

I think the tingle usually fade away in any relationship.
But I would love for you to prove me wrong.

free skin care · Wed Jun 21, 2006 10:18 pm

Ya know, sometimes it takes longer for some people to feel the whole package than it does for others.

While it may be that he is better friendship material than boyfriend material (been there myself) there are different types of love... and I believe that movies and television make relationships out to be more exotic than they really are... sure they can be exotic, but it is also work... Even if you find your perfect mate everyday is not going to be perfect.

Perhaps there is something lacking in the relationship that you would like to add that would give you more romance?

The man that you love may have most of the package but may need some help in the "sweeping you off of your feet" department...

Think about what it is that you would like and talk to him about it... or start romancing him and see if he romances back, or both!

I believe that you can develop that "tingle".

It sounds like he has everything else... and you say that you do love him and cannot imagine losing him... so this tells me that the relationship is a good and healty one.

Some men come with instant "tingle" but don't get how to be in a relationship... Others are loving men but do not have that Casinova experience... Few have both.

While this man may not be the one for you, I just want to throw out one more thing... While you can learn how to romance the woman that you love in the way that she pleases, you cannot find the tingle and then change the person to get all of the rest... Wink

And if you are a little shy about telling him what you like... A subscription to Men's Health Magazine may help as it has a lot of tasteful articles on pleasing women. Wink

I wish you all the best!

free skin care · Fri Jun 23, 2006 4:53 am

My first love is still my only love after 11 years!! I was 16 when we met, and we have been through everything you could think of (almost). When I first laid eyes on him I felt the tingle, he was he only person I'd EVER been physically attracted to like that, and he still is. Although, no more tingle really, cause it's all so familiar I guess. Apparently the first six months is lust, thenext twelve months is familiarisation, if it lasts after that then it's deeper love and commitment. It takes that long apparently, but the lasting one's usually all start with the tingle.

What I'm saying is: if it's longer than 18 months then it's deeper than the tingle phase and that's ok IMO, if it's less than that, then maybe it's not meant to be. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to feelthe "tingle" again, and then I remember the anxiety and nervousess and I am grateful for my lovely boy and what we have.

free skin care · Sat Jun 24, 2006 7:44 pm

What about spicing things up to help resurface the tingle?

free skin care · Sun Jun 25, 2006 7:55 am

Agree Melissa. The lust eventually wears off. And deeper love takes over. The definition of love is not an emotion but rather HOW a person treats you.

free skin care · Sun Jun 25, 2006 12:59 pm

Hmm, maybe you were never in love with him to begin with. Most people don't classify their SOs as "boring". Surely there must be something that attracted you to him in the first place besides him being "nice". IMO, the tingle factor is not that improtant if you have the foundation of a great relationship. Passion can fade away but a true love, respect, common goals and interests and an honest friendship are keys to a long lasting and healthy relationship. Try to think about what made you lust for him in the beginning and that might help to refuel the fires of passion, or try introduing or reintroducing some romance in the relationship to spice things up a bit. If you truly love him than you'll find a way to make it exciting and not just bearable. There are lots of ways to reconnect with your partner. Just find out what would get both of you all hot and bothered and go from there. And be sure to have fun in the process! Smile

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