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Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:36 am  |
We went to look at these newly constructed townhomes together this past Sunday. He originally has the thought of moving in with one of his buddies. When two of his friends moved in with their g/f's he always made comments like "that's a mistake" blah blah. Also when friends/family would suggest we move in together he'd immediately say oh that's not going to happen yada yada. These new homes were introduced by his sister since she wants to move into one with her b/f. Bryan (my b/f) mentions that his mother suggested we move in together of course in which he replied 'yeah right' (wondered why he even bothered telling me this). Before we leave to head out of the house to go look at the homes I pull him aside and hesitated for about 10 min before I got the nerve to say..why can't we move in together? At that time I learned that he felt the say way and has been thinking about it for a while and he didn't say anything because he thought I'd object. He told me his way of brining up the topic was telling me that it would never happen....geeze who's the girl in this relationship?  He said it made more sense to move in with me because he figured this would happen sooner or later and getting involved with a friend and a mortgage didn't make much sense to him.
Anyhow, any advice if we go through with this (buying a home together)? I've only had roommates in college and that's different, but what are the good and the bad that go along with this. I'm really excited with the thought of living together and buying a home with him. |
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26, combination skin with oily t-zone |
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Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:41 am |
How exciting!!!! 
How do you live right now? How long have you been together?
If it were me I'd want to share something, like my flat or his, before buying something together...but that's just me wanting to play it safe and not likeing banks and loans and stuff...
Goods and bads about living together...that's easy it all depends on both your personalities and how they mesh... But off the top of my head (been living with mine for the last 3 or 4 years)...
BADS:
- in general I would say that most men suck at laundry and dishes, so definitley get a dishwasher and sort the laundry yourself.
- If you have a huge argument you can't stomp off to your own place and not call for days...
that's about it on the bads !
GOODS  :
- Sometimes there's food on the table when you get home from a loooong day and you're starving.
- Sometimes the house is clean and tidy and you've not had any part in it.
- You have someone to share the bills with
- You have someone who really knows you and you have someone you really know, living together means shareing all the ups and downs - or at least being a part of them.
Your Bryan sounds like a sweetheart, a chicken yes - but still a sweetie...
Good luck! |
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Location: Denmark. Me = 32, think I'm combo without oiliness + sometimes sensitive. Have noticed that skin doesn't heal as quickly anymore and I've developed fine lines around my eyes... Hormonal breakouts which are sometimes cystic. PCOS |
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Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:49 am |
I live alone and he is still at his parents. He could just come and live with me, but somehow the thought of buying something together overwhelmed me. We've been dating for about 2 years now.
I guess I just want to get my ducks lined up is all, get the pros and cons of what could happen if we were to do this. |
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26, combination skin with oily t-zone |
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Wed Nov 22, 2006 8:52 am |
Awww, how exciting Good luck to you! I've lived with my boyfriend for about 2 years, and I really have no advice to give, but if you love eachother unconditionally and genuinly enjoy each others; company, you shouldn't run into any major problems. It is really wonderful to live with the person you love. My mom's advice to me before I moved in with him was to keep healthy boundaries and keep some mystery alive... I guess she meant things like shutting the door while going to the bathroom and keeping other things that may scare boys to one's self... Good luck  |
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Wed Nov 22, 2006 9:02 am |
We both fell in love with the house. It still has dry wall up and we can pick the options. The master bedroom is lovely, vaulted ceilings with lights, jacuzzi bath with a separate stand up shower, flat tv's in the bathroom which he'll love. Hardwood floors throughout the whole house, a loft upstairs, finished basement which is huge, attached 2-car garage, 1700 sq foot excluding the basment. New stainless steel appliances..finally I can be like Martha Stewart .
At lease there's a spare bedroom in case we fight and I'll chase him out of the the master room LOL.
We mesh really well, we've never really fought which is odd and never any drama. WE're both pretty darn laid back so we just glide through situations. I just can't but think what this could mean...asking to move in together and saying that this would happen eventually..yada yada..I've been waiting to hear those words come out of his mouth..along with "will you marry me" (wishful thinking) |
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26, combination skin with oily t-zone |
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Wed Nov 22, 2006 9:04 am |
I highly recommend living together as taking the next step in your relationship. But I wouldn't buying something if this is your first time living together. Living together lets you see a whole other side to your BF. And sometimes it's not good.
I live with my fiance now. But once upon a time I moved in with two other boyfriends. That sounds pretty slutty. But it was just a case of taking that next step in our relationship. With both of them I realized we had very different ideas of what living together meant. One wanted a maid or I should say slave. I found out that if married he had no intention of letting me have a job much less a career. I was to be a stay at home mom. That was a total shock to me especially since I was in college at that point getting an education he wasn't going to let me use. The other one wanted me to be his bank. He had no understanding of paying bills and honestly thought there was nothing wrong with paying rent a couple weeks late every month. It would have really sucked had I bought something with them.
If you do decide to buy something make sure you get a legally binding contract that states what you're to do with the townhome in the event that you split. I think you can pick them up at a "do it yourself" legal store. They have them where I live but I don't know if they're everywhere. It sounds very unromantice but I think it's very smart. Good luck on your decision! |
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Wed Nov 22, 2006 9:18 am |
Misha,
Very good points you've brought up. I have lived with someone else in the past, but for him it's a first time. Thank you for bringing all these to the table to discuss with him. |
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26, combination skin with oily t-zone |
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Wed Nov 22, 2006 9:24 am |
It seems that you have 2 decisions going on simultaneously Ariesextreme. My advice is not to let the idea of buying a brand spanking new house cloud your decision as to whether you should move in together. As previous posters have said, living together can reveal sides of a person that you didn't know existed. The other thing, he lives with his parents, so I'd imagine his mother looks after him - will he expect you to continue in this role? Is he responsible with money? I'd imagine living at home means he doesn't have many bills, and owning a home is a huge financial responsibility. If you do decide to go ahead then please please do not have joint bank accounts and make sure your name is on Title
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Wed Nov 22, 2006 12:35 pm |
I would also advise against buying a home together at this point. We just had a long discussion at work the other day with the attorney that works here and how easily you can become "legally married" to someone buy doing things like buying a house together, living as a couple, sharing funds, etc. It's not always a problem, but it could definitely beome an issue on down the road if for some reason things don't work out. I don't want to be a downer and I truly do wish you all the best, but you really need to take legal considerations into account when stepping into something like this. I also agree with Misha's advice on the contract part.
Good luck and let us know what you decide! |
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Thu Nov 23, 2006 9:43 am |
I agree that I'd be cautious about buying a house together, but I think living together is a great idea. I lived with my DH for two years before we got married. It's a good way to test-drive the relationship without a real commitment.
If you do purchase the house, maybe one of you could finance it instead of it being in both names? I'm not sure how that works legally, though. |
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Thu Nov 23, 2006 11:10 am |
| Tosca wrote: |
I agree that I'd be cautious about buying a house together, but I think living together is a great idea. I lived with my DH for two years before we got married. It's a good way to test-drive the relationship without a real commitment.
If you do purchase the house, maybe one of you could finance it instead of it being in both names? I'm not sure how that works legally, though. |
I tottaly agree! Not only that, it made me feel nervous when it was suggested that he should have you move in and he said no, blah, blah. What was that supposed to mean? He does not want commitiment? He is not mature enough to grow up and go on to the next level?
Hearing that would get me upset and say forget about him and look for another, better guy.
He better understand what he is doing and what he is getting himself into. And you too! Once you are considered married by your government, you are responsible for his debts (if he has any or has any in the future) Stop thinking about love and be smart. But then, in my field, I see a lot of broken relationships and I lost hope of finding a good partner for myself. |
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Thu Nov 23, 2006 12:41 pm |
If you're going to buy a house with your BF, make a contract! Get it all in writing, who owns what? Who paid how much? And what happens if the relationship doesn't work out, or one of you dies etc etc. Yes, I know it sounds serious, but you may regret it if you don't. 
And, unless you WANT to be his houskeeper, make a plan for houshold chores. Don't fall in the houskeeping-trap where you start out doing everything just to be nice to him. He'll soon excpect you too, and it will be much more difficult to make him do his part when you're tired of it all...
If you mangae these 2 thing, your life together will be blissfully happy the rest of youre lives! |
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Live in Switzerland, age 32, dehydrated combination skin, sensitive to climate changes, some food and cosmetic products. Very fair. |
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Thu Nov 23, 2006 6:21 pm |
So amused by the legal advice . Not that that isn't what I was going to suggest since too many family court cases involve fights about property and what not.
As a suggestion also consider a joint account for household expenses and then separate bank account for individual use if you decide to move in together? |
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Fri Nov 24, 2006 9:54 am |
| You have gotten some great advice here. I'm in the camp that agrees that living together is a great idea but wait a bit before buying a house together. Although the idea of living in a new home always sounds nice, buying a home can be very stressful and can test even the most solid relationships. |
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normal to dry skin, slightly sensitive, early 40s |
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Sat Nov 25, 2006 4:44 pm |
I second the responses about waiting on buying a home with him until you two have lived together for a while. While the thought of a brand new house is wonderful I would think that (for him) it would be a giant leap to move out of his parents house into one that you two purchased. Could he move in with you and see how that goes?
I live with my boyfriend and we own our flat but we didn't purchase it until we had lived together in a rental for 3 years. |
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Sat Nov 25, 2006 5:09 pm |
I agree with almost everyone here, living together is a good idea. You really don't know someone until you have to go through everyday living together.
But on buying property together, I am not sure it is a good idea. There are really no laws for couples living together ( in the US anyway) and for some reason it seems the woman always comes out behind for some reason. I get this from listening to Judge Judy on the way home a lot
I would suggest that financially you live as room mates would, don't share bank accounts, etc. My DH and I lived together for a few years first and it worked out great (except I let him get away without ever doing any cleaning and now pay for that), but I purchased the house on my own. He would give me so much per month and I payed all the bills. Never mixed a credit card or anything. That way we could always just split up and not have to argue about money, etc. We never have thank goodness and it has worked out great.
But since you have dated for 2 years now, I think you probably know him pretty well and it will probably work out great.
Good Luck! |
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