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Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:19 am  |
| I am going through a divorce right now. My STB-X moved out about 5 weeks ago, and I still have not seen one penny from him. We have 2 daughters, 2 and 5, and they are living with me. He sees them about a total of 7 hours a week, and has not paid me, the mortgage, the bills, the daycare or the kindergarten. My lawyer says that I will probably not see any money from him til the end of January, but at that point they will make him pay me for the months (now) that he has not. My ques for you girls is, have any of you been in this situation, and have any of you seen the money from your ex's - will they garnish his wages at that time?? Any advice would be so appreciated. Thank you, Amy |
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Sat Dec 02, 2006 11:11 am |
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through Amy. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice to share, but I wanted to help bump your message to the top so maybe some others with experience in this area can offer some assistance. Best wishes...  |
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Dry sensitive skin with hormonal breakouts, 29 years old |
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Sat Dec 02, 2006 11:52 am |
Amy. Been there done that.
Document EVERY penny that he should be contributing to and isn't. That includes grocery receipts too!! Keep any correspondence from him, document calls, etc. You'd be surprised how quickly things can get downright nasty. You'll be far better off to start a journal and keep track of everything for your attorney.
I'm not 1 to say the man has to pay through the nose when this stuff happens. But - shame on them for not wanting to take care of their OWN!!
You can re-roup the money in court, don't expect things to happen overnight though. It's a long, ardous & often emotional journey.
Beyond keeping CLOSE tabs on the $$ aspect try to keep yourself in emotional check. It's tough, beleive me I know. What helped me is looking at it as a business deal gone bad. The dissolving of a partnership & now you're just sorting out the financial part.
Laws vary from state to state. I can only tell you my experience as far as Illinois law goes.
Keep your head. You need to think smart right now. |
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Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too. ~ Voltaire www.Candessence.com |
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Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:49 am |
Thanks Candy,
I am keeping a day to day journal of everything, including the days he does not call, etc. It's so upsetting that he can go out partying, which I know he is doing, but can't contribute to his children, even just to their daycare, not even to give me the money but to pay them directly. Thank you for your words of encouragement. It is hard, but I am now seeing a great therapist who is helping me get through all this.
Amy |
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Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:50 am |
| Oh and marmur1, thank you for your encouraging words!! |
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Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:48 am |
Amylola,
Obviously there are two sets of issues that you are dealing with. Divorce is hard, no matter how you cut it. Even when you're the iniator, and when your marriage is making you miserable. I don't think I'll ever stopped being amazed at how even the most reasonable people morph into total assholes when they're in the process of divorcing, dividing assets, etc. Just hang in there, hon. It gets better - ALOT better!
The issue of child support is more straightforward. Candy is quite right that laws vary from state to state, but the bottom line is that during the years that Clinton was president, the federal government took a very hard line on deadbeat dads and ALL the states toughened up their laws. Since then, they have gotten even tougher. Government monies are tight all around, and as such, they'll do whatever they have to do to ensure that adequate child support payments are made.
I'll be honest you. If anything, I think that sometimes the standard is excessive and places an unreasonable burden on the children's father. When my sister got divorced ( in NYC ), the court slapped my brother-in-law, who was in no way a deadbeat, with payments that were so damn high that it would have meant that he'd be working two jobs for the rest of his life. Even my sister, who was furious with him at the time, realized that it was just too much and they arrived (or shall I say the lawyers arrived ) at a more equitable and manageable arrangement.
Bottom line: don't worry - he'll be made to pay for the support of his children. Candy gave you some excellent advice and you should follow it; actually it seems like you already are. It will take a little while though, and if you have no other source of income, the next month or two can be a real hardship. Do whatever you have to - once the state moves to enforce payments, he will have to make the current support payments in a timely fashion. AND, on top of those payments, he will also have to make payments on the back support.
Again, just hang in there.... |
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Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:55 am |
Amylola,
I just wanted to say a few words of support.
I went thru a divorce years ago. Even though it is hard at the time, it is definitely better then to be in a lousy marriage. Even with all the problems with money, time, visitation rights, you name it, it is still better then to be stack with someone who is so obviously not there for you or the children.
Just hang in there.
I also think it is great that you are seeing a therapist, it woul dhelp tio put things in perspective.
Best of luck,
Lucy. |
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Early 50s, Skin: combin.,semi-sensitive, fair with occasional breakouts, some old acne scars, freckles, under-eye wrinkles; Redhead with hazel eyes |
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Mon Dec 04, 2006 12:21 pm |
Thank you katee and lucy,
I agree with you katee, that I would not expect my stb-x (who makes less money than i do) to pay me outrageous amounts for child support - just something!! anything that he feel that he could afford or just to ask what he could do. We live in Colorado and I still do not know the details b/c we have not been in front of a judge yet, but from all I heard, katee is right and they will not tolerate not giving ANY help through these months. I guess I just need to find a way to save save save until this thing is over.
I know that EVENTUALLY this will be over, and I am already happier so that is something!
Thanks! |
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