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Sat Dec 16, 2006 6:42 pm  |
40 Things you'd love to say out loud at work.
1- I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
2- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3- How about never? Is never good for you?
4- I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7- I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8- I don't work here- I'm a consultant.
9- It sounds like English, but I don't understand a damn word you're saying.
10- Ahhh. I see the stuff-up fairy has visited us again.
11- I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13- I have plenty of talent and vision- I just don't give a damn.
14- I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
15- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19- What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
22- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23- And your cry-baby whiny assed opinion would be?
24- Do I look like a people person to you?
25- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26- I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31- Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.
32- A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
33- Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
34- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35- Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36- Chaos, panic and disorder- my work here is finally done.
37- How do I set a laser printer to stun.
38- I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39- I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40- Wait a minute- I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality. |
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Sat Dec 16, 2006 7:12 pm |
And my favorite:
41- When I woke up this morning I had one nerve left, and now you're getting on it.
... with my runner-up favorites being:
42- I haven't had my coffee yet. Don't make me kill you.
43- You know, I think you can get a prescription for that condition of yours.
I actually have #42 printed up and taped to my computer. Whenever my boss comes in and starts his crap, I point to it and say "If I were you, I'd step off. Right. About. NOW!" Amazingly, he hasn't fired me yet - he just laughs. I think he's actually kind of afraid of me!
#43 is something I used to tell an attorney that I worked with who was so obviously an undiagnosed case of ADHD, it was scary. Whenever he'd be working on a rush project and choose to skip lunch, eating a candy bar and a Coke instead (dear God, help me now!) and then start running up and down the hallways like the hyper freak in grade-school, I'd say "Follow me," lead him into his office and say "Sit down" and then walk out closing the door behind me, but not before saying "Now don't move a muscle for at least the next hour!" I think he liked my sassyness because he had the biggest crush on me! |
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Sat Dec 16, 2006 8:13 pm |
| kalegr wrote: |
| 6- Who lit the fuse on your tampon? |
This cracked me up.  |
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Sat Dec 16, 2006 10:48 pm |
| LOL That's great. I forwarded that on to friends and coworkers. I'm sure they'll get a kick out of it too. |
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Global Butterfly & Certified Aromatherapist/Holisitc Therapist with a passion for travel and natural health.  |
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Sun Dec 17, 2006 2:55 am |
| I love it!! I can think of at least a dozen times every day in my office when at least one of these would be appropriate . |
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Sun Dec 17, 2006 1:39 pm |
| I could have used this list 5 years ago when I worked in a place where the atmosphere merited saying them! My office now has mainly nice, average, intellingent, quiet folks who'd be stunned if I said anything like this. (but, I do love #5, I'm an Aries) |
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Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:52 pm |
OK, the tampon one really made me laugh out loud (shame I am reading this at work ) – but I have to say if someone said that to me in the midst of a disagreement or something I would just about rip their head off (real “fighting words” thems are.  ).. but I could take it if someone said it in reference to me getting off my ass and pushing for something to get done …
I also LOVE #35, the perfume one.. will give that to hubby to use at his office for the guy who literally marinates in Hermes perfumes year-round. |
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SKIN: combination, reactive to climate changes and extremely fair. "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne |
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Mon Dec 18, 2006 10:40 am |
I  #25 & #38!!! |
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Makeup and skincare are my passion!! My dayjob is just to pay for the obsession... |
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| Sun Nov 10, 2024 2:26 pm |
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