Seperate Bedrooms
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free skin care · Wed Dec 26, 2007 12:10 pm

Do any of you have seperate bedrooms from your spouse?

free skin care · Wed Dec 26, 2007 12:23 pm

I'm not married, but if I were I would want my own bedroom. I think having your own space is very important. But this isn't to say that I would never spend the night with my hypothetical spouse, of course. Wink

free skin care · Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:19 pm

Yes, space is important, but I find that I can't sleep without my husband beside me. I've always felt that sleeping next to him is one of the best, simplest pleasures of marriage. Smile

free skin care · Wed Dec 26, 2007 11:56 pm

Personally I think it's a bit strange. I believe that a husband and wife are SHARING a relationship; sharing their space. Go on 'girl days'/ 'guy days' if you feel trapped/space is needed; just a personal opinion though. I know plenty of people who have separate bedrooms and seem to be fine in their relationship; although I am not too close with these couples so really I don't know. But I guess whatever floats your boat Wink

. I'm more of a touchy feely person...most of the time.... so it may hold some sort of contribution to the situation as well.

free skin care · Thu Dec 27, 2007 11:49 am

We have separate rooms and I absolutely LOVE it. It started years ago due to my husbands irradict schedule - police officer. He typically goes to bed by 6pm and up at 11:30pm. I tend to go to bed early, 10ish, and would always wake him up no matter how quiet I tried to be. He's due to retire in a few years and although he wants to join bedrooms again - it will never happen if I have my way. I love my king sized bed all to myself.

free skin care · Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:26 pm

For me, separate bedrooms, even separate beds would seem lonely. My husband travels some, and I never quite sleep as well when he's gone.

free skin care · Fri Dec 28, 2007 2:32 am

For people who have lost sleep due to illness of a spouse or snoring, seperate beds may be the only way to get some sleep at all. It's not a choice that indicates a bad relationship but one that many couples have had to make to make sure both get sleep (ask any shift-worker or person who has a spouse who snores).

free skin care · Fri Dec 28, 2007 5:05 am

Rufus wrote:

For people who have lost sleep due to illness of a spouse or snoring, seperate beds may be the only way to get some sleep at all. It's not a choice that indicates a bad relationship but one that many couples have had to make to make sure both get sleep (ask any shift-worker or person who has a spouse who snores).

Yes, this is exactly my case! My spouse snores really loud and I am a VERY light sleeper. As many times as we've tried to sleep in the same room, I always end up having to go to another room if I want to actually get some Zzzzz's. I've tried ear plugs, having music on in the room, etc., etc. Nothing seems to help. It sucks because I really would like to be able to sleep together, but I also value a good nights sleep too! So this seems to work best for us. Smile

free skin care · Sun Dec 30, 2007 4:48 pm

After almost 25 years (in July) we still have to sleep in different rooms - my DH snores so loud and moves around that it impossible to sleep. I on the other hand hear the heat/ac when it comes on light sleeper. But every morning we cuddle and on the weekends I come in and we fallback to sleep together. Our love life is great and he is the love of my life - he just does not want to be punched all night and I need rest,

free skin care · Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:02 pm

Red Devil wrote:

Yes, space is important, but I find that I can't sleep without my husband beside me. I've always felt that sleeping next to him is one of the best, simplest pleasures of marriage. Smile

LMAO!!!!

I can safely say that I'm over the "simple pleasures" after all these decades of marriage..

I would love to have my "own" room, but DH still doesn't let me out of his site...

free skin care · Mon Jan 07, 2008 7:29 pm

While married, I slept in a separate bedroom from my husband (now Ex) for 8 years. The reasons for separating bedrooms was he stole blankets so I often woke up chilled, and also he liked to come in to bed late (2 am or so) and turned on the light which woke me up. After several nights like this, I moved myself out of the bedroom and slept on the couch. Even when I was pregnant and with a baby after that, I continued to sleep on the couch in the living room. After we moved to a bigger place with more bedrooms (4 bedrooms - he took 2 rooms for his bedroom and office, one for me and the baby, and one for the babysitter), I was able to have my own room.

But now that I divorced my ex and have a new boyfriend, I love sharing the bedroom with him. He doesn't steal blankets and we go to sleep at the same time, so there's no problem with the lights.

For me, separating bedrooms doesn't work. It makes you feel disconnected. But if I wanted to get some sleep that was the best solution.

free skin care · Tue Jan 08, 2008 5:15 am

My husband and I have separate bedrooms, and it's not because we aren't touchy feely or sexually active. Neither of us sleep particularly well when someone else is in the bed, and we have both always been this way. Maybe it's because we are both only children and used to having space. All my life, when a boyfriend slept over, I waited until he fell asleep and then snuck off into another room. These days, whoever wakes up first simply goes into the other ones room and wakes them up in the nicest possible way (every day and nearly every night)!!! Yes we are extremely touchy feely.

The other great thing about having your own room - all that closet space.

free skin care · Tue Jan 08, 2008 8:27 am

My husband and I have seperate bedroom due to snoring, getting up too often and moving around all night, it's been like this for 5 years now, and I really like the space. I heard that it's a new trend to have two master bedrooms................

free skin care · Tue Jan 15, 2008 6:00 pm

I don't need a seperate room from my husband when he's asleep - I need one for when he's awake!! Laughing

free skin care · Wed Jan 16, 2008 12:07 am

It's been 25 years. At times I'd like my own room. (To read and turn on lights at night). I'm a night person and my husband goes to bed early. He won the "good side" of the bed when we were married. But I would miss him to hug in the morning, warm up my feet, and be there when I have a nightmare, among other things Laughing

free skin care · Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:10 am

My boyfriend and I aren't married yet, but we've been living together for a while now, and we've been in a serious relationship for almost two years. We're both only children who had never lived with a spouse before, so we intentionally got a large-ish apartment when we moved in together. It has two bedrooms, which was a major bonus, and two bathrooms (BOTH of which I've taken over EDS-style, hehe).

We haven't cleared out the spare bedroom of all the crap we need to store or get rid of just yet, but we're going to tackle that this weekend, because I want to use it as an "office" space. I do a lot of writing/editing, and it's really hard for me to concentrate sometimes when there's noise in the background, but there's really nowhere for me to go to sit and write comfortably, other than our living room -- which is where my boyfriend likes to watch the news or play video games, and even low volume distracts me.

When we first got together we both had a LOT of trouble sleeping in the same bed -- we're both tall and not small people, and we were used to having a whole queen size bed to ourselves, so sharing a queen was rough. But now we've adjusted, though we do plan on upgrading to a king once we're back on our feet financially.

And while we definitely sleep together and cherish having our actual *bedroom* together, I think it's going to be really nice to have that second space that's a room where either of us can escape to focus. (I.e. me -- he doesn't have the inability to multitask that I've been steadily growing!) Since we've both been unemployed since October, it's become more apparent that it would be nice to have that space -- we never quite get snippy or annoyed with each other, but I know it's frustrating for him to have to mute all "fun" while I work on something professional (like a conference call I have scheduled to interview someone for an article, etc.).

(But the good news is, he just got a job offer that he's accepting tomorrow, so now I'll have my days free from video game and CNN distraction! We're still fixing up the office this weekend, though. I can't BELIEVE we've been out of work for this long and still haven't done it! There's nothing I do better than procrastinate.)

free skin care · Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:52 am

What an interesting thread. I can see both sides of the issue too, on one hand I have been on the suffering end of a spouse (now soon to be ex husband) who snores to the point that ear plugs didn't even work. Its SO EXAUSTING! I had no problem sleeping in a different bed at night and wished I had my own room. To some extent I like to sleep alone, I can have all the blankets and not be disturbed. I hope that my next relationship will be different though, I do miss waking up next to someone and cuddling at night.

free skin care · Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:34 pm

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years but we have never lived together. We do plan to find a place this year hopefully. One of the stipulations is that it must have 2 bedrooms as I feel that after 30 years of always having my own space I would really need a place to get away and be by myself I am an introvet by nature and feel really frazzled if I don't get to spend time alone. The plan is that we would share a bed at night but that the 2nd bedroom would be converted into a little hidey hole for me, sounds perfect Very Happy

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free skin care · Thu Jan 17, 2008 1:10 pm

Kassy_A wrote:

Red Devil wrote:

Yes, space is important, but I find that I can't sleep without my husband beside me. I've always felt that sleeping next to him is one of the best, simplest pleasures of marriage. Smile

LMAO!!!!

I can safely say that I'm over the "simple pleasures" after all these decades of marriage..

I would love to have my "own" room, but DH still doesn't let me out of his site...

After 31 years of marriage I have to agree sleeping next to DH is still the simplest pleasure and I hope he is still beside me for the next 31 at least!!

Mon Jan 21, 2008 4:24 am

I could never have a seperate bed from my hubby whats the point in being married. There's nothing better than being cuddled to sleep. Been married 25 years soon and together since I was 15! Even though he snores and I have to push him to stop it wouldn't be the same without him. Very Happy

free skin care · Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:15 am

That's lovely Karen, childhood sweet hearts!
I do agree that sleeping together is a real intimacy. In The unbearable lightness of being Milan Kundera says:

"Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman)."

I think that is true at least for me it is. My boyfriend snores as well and I find it easier to control if I am in the bed with him as it can roll him onto his side or give him a nudge to stop him.
I would still ideally have my own space though when we live together as I do a lot of reading and art projects and I do love to spend some time alone. I will also need some where to hide all my illict skin purchases!

I think that every couple is unique and just because some choose to sleep apart some of the time or even all the time doesn't mean that they love each other any less than those that love to share sleep.

free skin care · Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:38 am

Okay, not only does my boyfriend usually snore a little bit, but last night I got a real treat. He half sat up and started SINGING LOUDLY, like a deep tenor-y bellowing (but not real words, at least not English) and then he said, "Thank you, thank you very much." I asked him if he was awake and he sort of slowly snapped out of it and got really embarrassed and his voice totally changed from Pavarotti to sleepy-boyfriend.

....Um, we just cleaned out our spare room this weekend, and it's looking more and more attractive now!

He also woke me up later last night by laughing loudly in his sleep. I mean, LOUDLY. I'd need more than a separate room to not be disturbed by that -- I'd need a separate apartment! Heh, just one more thing to learn to love, I guess!

free skin care · Mon Jan 21, 2008 4:39 pm

Quote:

He half sat up and started SINGING LOUDLY, like a deep tenor-y bellowing (but not real words, at least not English) and then he said, "Thank you, thank you very much."

ROTFLMAO - thanks for the laughs

free skin care · Fri Jan 25, 2008 4:25 am

No. I love sleeping in the same bed as my significant other, and he loves sleeping with me. Neither of us can sleep properly when we are alone anymore. Unless their was a REALLY good reason, I think people sharing a bed is an intimate as people can get. Very Happy

free skin care · Fri Jan 25, 2008 5:45 pm

ginnielizz wrote:

Okay, not only does my boyfriend usually snore a little bit, but last night I got a real treat. He half sat up and started SINGING LOUDLY, like a deep tenor-y bellowing (but not real words, at least not English) and then he said, "Thank you, thank you very much." I asked him if he was awake and he sort of slowly snapped out of it and got really embarrassed and his voice totally changed from Pavarotti to sleepy-boyfriend.

....Um, we just cleaned out our spare room this weekend, and it's looking more and more attractive now!

He also woke me up later last night by laughing loudly in his sleep. I mean, LOUDLY. I'd need more than a separate room to not be disturbed by that -- I'd need a separate apartment! Heh, just one more thing to learn to love, I guess!

I giggled! I suppose it's easy for the rest of us to find it cute Wink

I would document those instances and remind him of them in the morning!

I can see both sides of the picture, being introverted, but also lovesick. I personally don't mind sharing a bed, and we plan to go all out with our sleeping quarters once our downstairs apartment is renovated...the best (organic, of course) sheets, comforter, pillows and mattress we can find! It will only make the sharing that much wonderful Very Happy

Of course, last night, my fiance and I managed to squeeze into my lonely, single bed in my room now, and loved it Laughing

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