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Sun Jul 20, 2008 12:58 pm  |
I met a lady at work recently who seemed nice enough to be friends with. Problem is I am learning that she is incredibly self-centered. Everything is about her and she can't stop talking about herself during work hours and lunch time. Even if she asks about me or anyone else, based on our answers she will turn the conversation back to herself. She also gets offended easily when people don't give her the attention she wants and she gets louder. Needless to say, I don't want to cause any problems in the work environment so I tend to give in and listen to her as long as I can bare it. But during lunch it would be nice to talk to others and at least listen to what someone else has to say. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? Or how do you deal with people who need and crave attention on themselves all the time? It feels draining after awhile.  |
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Sun Jul 20, 2008 1:03 pm |
| Yep..have a few friends like this..gets annoying and they turn out not be friends |
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Sun Jul 20, 2008 1:20 pm |
Yes they are usually insecure and selfish. I find myself avoiding people like this and chances are others feel the same way.
You could say something like "well, enough about you" or "there you go talking about yourself again" but then she might hate you. See why I avoid these people... |
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Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:20 pm |
| babymax24 wrote: |
Yes they are usually insecure and selfish. I find myself avoiding people like this and chances are others feel the same way.
You could say something like "well, enough about you" or "there you go talking about yourself again" but then she might hate you. See why I avoid these people... |
 I couldn't agree more. Most of the other people don't talk to her much. I felt bad so I try to always talk to people so they don't feel left out. Now I know why they avoid her but are too polite to say anything. Yeah I once hinted to change the subject and I started asking about someone else so they could get a chance to talk and she just kept staring at me like she's waiting for her turn again to talk. So annoying.
Edenfield, I feel the same way. At first I thought she'd be a friend but after knowing her more.. I don't think it's ever going to happen that I would want to spend more time with her than I have to at work. All I hear is blah blah blah me me me.  Sorry sounds mean but true.
Just wish I spotted this out sooner to avoid the problem in the first place. |
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Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:11 pm |
These people, in my opinion, are never "Friends." They are "People You Know." And emotional vampires. They will suck you dry.
Avoid them. Whether their verbal me-me-me diarrhea is because of insecurity, narcissism, imbalance, disorder, or overcompensating... it doesn't matter. Avoid them.  |
_________________
tenderlovingwork.com, astonishing handmade gifts |
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Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:35 pm |
| It sucks, because you bring up one of your problems and it just gets brushed off...like you don't matter or exist, you're just a sounding board! |
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Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:03 pm |
I couldn't care less if someone wants to talk about themselves ad-nauseum... Boring yes, but pretty much harmless.
It's the ones who want to talk about everyone else, in a negative light, that pisses me off. Especially when it's lies, that are stated as fact.... Now that's what really sucks! |
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♥I'm flattered by all the lovely PM's, but I don't get here much these days. Please don't be afraid to post your quearies to other DIY members who will be glad to help you (or sell you their wares..lol) Still happy with LED, dermarolling and a DIY antioxidant regime. Peace & Hugs to all.♥ |
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Mon Jul 21, 2008 8:05 pm |
I married him.  |
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Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:24 am |
| skin care addict wrote: |
| I married him. |
hahahaha! |
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Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:58 pm |
Oh yes, I know lots of those people and unfortunately I have to work with them. I say unfortunately, because when I work with them and they come up with a good idea, and I say.."that is a great idea", they then tell me to contact their supervisor and let them know what a great idea so and so came up with. Plus they are always saying, how much they hate their hair, or their weight or whatever, because they want you to say...oh you look good!. I don't agree if they are talking about themselves, they are not talking about other people. In my experience, those who talk about themselves, throw other people under the bus to make themselves look good or "better than". I stay AWAY from all those types of people, In fact, I choose to tell people that I am busy running errands EVERYDAY at lunchtime, just to save myself from having to get invited or sit with them at lunch. I just leave the building. I have to work with them for 8 hours, I don't want to hear them at my lunch hour. (give me an hour off!)  |
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39 Year "young" female, Using PTR glycolic cleanser and Finacea with success! Passion for living and love Sunny Days/Beaches and The Ocean |
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Wed Jul 23, 2008 10:35 am |
| skin care addict wrote: |
| I married him. |
me too |
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Wed Jul 23, 2008 4:48 pm |
oh yes, I can relate.
There is a "story topper" at my work place as well. |
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Sat Jul 26, 2008 12:04 am |
I am very outspoken and tend to tell people exactly what I think of them. Maybe that's why I work from home for myself! However I wouldn't do this with someone I worked with, obviously. It's really quite easy to get rid of these sorts of people even without telling them exactly what you think. For people who are fishing for compliments - when they say something like "Oh I'm so fat" simply agree with them. They won't talk to you for much longer. For people who do nothing but talk about themselves all the time, before they start talking say something like "Okay you've got exactly 5 minutes to tell me all about yourself and then we change the conversation to me". If they refuse to stop talking about themselves simply walk away or if you're on the phone, pretend that something has come up and you have to go. Once they realise you won't put up with them taking over the conversation they'll simply stop talking to you.
If anyone ever asks you why you avoid them or no longer call them, tell them the truth. The problem is no one ever does and they are often quite unaware of the effect they are having, much like someone with bad breath or body odour is often unaware of the fact.
We are brought up to be polite at all costs, but life is much more pleasant when we begin to get rid of these time wasters and energy vampires. They add nothing to the quality of your life and aren't real friends, so being polite to them at the expense of your own energy is pointless. Obviously this does not apply to work collegues or family members. With work collegues, if we are their supervisor we can always have a chat over coffee with them and explain how their behaviour is hurting their career chances, in the same way we would take them aside for a chat if they were dressing inappropriately or making offensive jokes in the workplace.If you are on the same level or below them at work, you can always approach your supervisor and let him/her know that their behaviour at work is making them unpopular and difficult to work with. Hopefully the supervisor will take it from their. With family members, I guess you're just stuck. |
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Tue Aug 19, 2008 10:02 pm |
Thanks everyone! I've taken some of the advice and used it and it seems to work well. Now she has become 'friends' with one of the managers at work who seems to have the time of day to listen to her self-centered stories. Unfortunately they've formed a little clique excluding me and others out of their conversations during lunch. It makes the environment a bit awkward sometimes because the two of them are so loud it's hard for others to talk among themselves so most people just sit and listen. Oh well at least I've learned to tune out them out.
It's too bad to see the self-centered one get 'special' treatment from the manager. There was talk that because she is so 'social' that she'd make a good project manager. Her position doesn't affect me at all but I still think it's too bad because there are so many people at the company more deserving than her. Like those who actually work and not talk about themselves all day.  |
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Thu Aug 21, 2008 5:08 am |
Man, I can relate to this topic. I have to share an office with a girl just like this. All day long, non stop talk about random things about herself. We've actually nicknamed her Penelope from the SNL skit b/c if you mention you like the color pink for example...she'll tell you of all the pink clothes she owns...basically, she always manages to turn the topic back to herself. The one thing I have to listen to all day long is how much her stomach hurts...ok, she eats crap all day long and wonders why? But this happens religiously EVERY SINGLE DAY...oh and what to eat for lunch, etc...then she'll have MDBs (massive diarreah blowouts) for the rest of the day. All she wants is the attention and acceptance...If I don't make an effort to respond to every one of her stories, she gets snooty...
Another thing we've done and this is more for fun is state a 45 second rule...if you can't get your story out in 45 seconds..we'll cut you off. This only applies to the topics that have no relevance and they're just rambling...kinda funny and you do realize how much you can just go on and on...I'm sure I've been called on it too! haha
Whew...thanks for letting me vent! |
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