To tell or not to tell?
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free skin care · Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:43 am

I mentioned one day to my bf that I'm poor because I just paid tuition, but I should be fine after I get paid. And given, he and I don't make that much money. He gave me a few hundreds of dollars so that I have free money to spend when I need to. Well, instead I withdrew the same amount he gave me from my savings account and opened a new savings. He really bad about saving money so I deposited what money he's given me and my money into the new savings for us for emergency. Would you think that was wrong of me and that I should tell him what I did with the money? We are already living together like we are married so I wasn't sure if it was wrong to keep it a secret.

free skin care · Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:23 pm

I don't think you should feel bad, you are doing a good thing, you're saving for both of you.
I have a special account that my husband doesn't know about and when ever we are in a jam and I pull out my rainy day fund money from this account he is over the moon!

free skin care · Tue Jul 29, 2008 11:55 pm

Keep it a secret.

I always have two funds apart from my active account.

One savings account -- for "runaway money."

One cash cache -- the "fun fund."

I contribute to both of these when I can. The basic account is for rent and bills, etc.

free skin care · Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:21 am

Thanks for your responses. I guess I was just feeling guilty because he and I aren't married, who knows if we will get married, and he gave me the money probably to help me with my school tuition and books.

I guess I thought I NEEDED to tell him what I did with the money he gave me.

haha I'm a little new at living together/marriage-like relationships.

free skin care · Wed Jul 30, 2008 12:14 pm

Lucky, that's excellently responsible of you to put money aside! Since he's not that good in the savings department I bet he'll learn to appreciate your financial sense.
And Honey, a girl always needs an account of her own!! Aside from your joint emergency money I mean. It's just prudent.

Please take it from a veteran in the relationship department: keep your finances separate even after you are married. It makes things a whole lot cleaner.

DH and I split everything half & half, as far as house expenses and mortgage. Then we each feel "invested". Not to say we don't "treat" each other, frequently!! That makes it more special than him buying all the time. We do each spend our own money on personal care items, like cosmetics, hair care, medications, though.

This is just what we decided on. Maybe you can come up with something better that works for both of you. But DEFINITELY keep your own account with money you either earn or are given as gifts. How much you keep in a secret stash is up to you alone. I wouldn't advise funneling off funds from a joint account. That's not fair.

No one needs to know the state of your finances but you, honey.

free skin care · Wed Jul 30, 2008 1:21 pm

I'm just popping in to offer an idea other than splitting things in half. The time will come when one of you makes substantially more than the other. $600 a month is MUCH more to you if you make $1000 than if you make $3000. It will take some math, but figure out your household expenses, then both of you donate a PERCENT of your income. THAT will be fair. You'll both contribute 80%, and have 20% to play with however you will.

When I was making $50,000 and my hubby was making MAYBE $10,000 from writing.... it made no sense to both contribute the same amount. Or split expenses.

If you're in for the long haul, believe me, it will all work itself out. :->

free skin care · Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:56 am

I find this discussion very intriguing. Are you guys saying that your husbands don't even know how much money you make?
I think 50:50 only works if you make approximately same amount. I like Sidda's suggestions much better.
My hubby recently changed carrier (after I put him through school for almost 3 full years - talk about not being able to share expenses 50:50 Shock

) and he's making 1/2 of what I make. However, he has an opportunity to make a lot more than me, in few years.
50:50 would just not work for us and we have always had joint acct and we always pulled all our $$ to pay for what we need and what we want.
Now - savings - I do have a separate acct (that my hubby is fully aware of) where I keep extra money for savings. This is our "rainy day" acct and we both love having it. The thing is - it's my acct and he has no access to it Wink

.

So ladies - I'm all for saving and for having separate accts (I do think a girl needs to have some protection), but I am generally more inclined to sharing than splitting expenses (regardless of the formula you use).

free skin care · Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:43 am

Thanks everyone for the great advices. I think it will be okay to have our stash put away and he not know. As long as its good intentions on it.

This is great, its like having the big sisters that i've always wanted!

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