Right to be upset or being sensitive
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free skin care · Thu Mar 19, 2009 6:36 am

My bf woke me up this me this morning because he was feeling friendly. He told me he had a dream that I was laying on the couch and my exs were taking their turns so he decides to get in line too.

So, I got upset. I felt he saw me in a negative way to have even thought of that to dream it. He got upset saying, he didn't view me that way and that it was just a dream. Then he proceeds to turn it around and said to remind him never to tell me anything.

I feel dirty and cheap! But why do I feel bad and feel like I need to make him feel better when I'm the one hurting?

free skin care · Thu Mar 19, 2009 12:44 pm

Luckylady, I wrote the book on being sensitive, so you are in good company!^-^ Here's my take on it: First of all, my husband would have been in serious hot water for waking me up no matter what the reason--- I am NOT a morning person!! --- so your bf is lucky you aren't steamed about that, lol! As for the dream in question, you can't exactly hold people accountable for what they dream, but you CAN hold them accountable for sharing dreams in which the subject matter is upsetting or disturbing. Considering the hideous nature of this dream, he should have kept it to himself and tried to forget it as soon as possible---- NOT shared the graphic details with you! I think you have every right to be upset and I think your bf made a serious error in judgement. Just my two cents.

free skin care · Thu Mar 19, 2009 12:54 pm

hahaha i once woke up from a dream that my bf was cheating on me. and i was so angry, i ignored him in the morning and hit him.

free skin care · Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:01 pm

First of all. Your feelings are yours. So they are real.

But you are projecting your feelings onto your bf's dream.

Let me ask you.

Take yourself back to a when you first met. Is he A)the type of guy in your opinion that dates quality women? Or B)The type of guy that dates trash?

I think you're answer should reflect what you expect that he really thinks of you.

Maybe he interprets that dream as being lucky enough to be IN THAT LINE! I mean, what if you had married one of those guys? He never would have gotten the chance to be in a relationship with you. Not knowing if your ex's have had their "turn" or not... but, in all reality, you where with one guy then the next... however many that has been, and current bf is the end of the line... and he's excited about that.

Maybe you feel negative about yourself for having had past experiences. But he doesn't seem to judge you about that, or he wouldn't be with you. Unless of course, your answer was B) he's the type of guy that dates trash.

free skin care · Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:04 pm

Thank you for you input. The more I thought about it, the more I thought it was silly. Then the more I thought it was silly, the more I thought how I'm fuming and he normal. hahaha And the more I thought how I was mad and how it doesn't affect him, I am now where I started, mad.

I may be too sensitive. I would love to read your book. If you could post here or private message me. I need all the help I can get! Laughing

manslayerliz wrote:

Luckylady, I wrote the book on being sensitive, so you are in good company!^-^ Here's my take on it: First of all, my husband would have been in serious hot water for waking me up no matter what the reason--- I am NOT a morning person!! --- so your bf is lucky you aren't steamed about that, lol! As for the dream in question, you can't exactly hold people accountable for what they dream, but you CAN hold them accountable for sharing dreams in which the subject matter is upsetting or disturbing. Considering the hideous nature of this dream, he should have kept it to himself and tried to forget it as soon as possible---- NOT shared the graphic details with you! I think you have every right to be upset and I think your bf made a serious error in judgement. Just my two cents.

free skin care · Thu Mar 19, 2009 2:18 pm

luckylady, you don't need be sensitive to this. It means he cares about you. But if it happened to me, I will kick him because I hate anybody disturb me when I sleep.

free skin care · Sat Mar 21, 2009 6:21 am

I agree with everything Manslayerliz said to you. We all dream some very bizarre dreams sometimes, often about our loved ones - imagine if we were to tell them every detail!

He shouldn't have told you about the dream and he also shouldn't have got defensive when you were upset about it. Maybe he's the sensitive one, not you! Also, maybe he fancies you!

free skin care · Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:47 am

Geeze louise, when I'm sleeping I swat my boyfriend away even when he says super nice things. If he told me that I would:
a) storm out
b) slap him
c)absolutely flip out

If he's really super oblivious in general I might forgive him (after a while), but I would expect him to be absolutely apologetic. That dream has a very nasty connotations about it. It might just be a dream but I think after say more than ten minutes awake he should realize that you would be disgusted and he should be disgusted.. You aren't a sexual object to be tossed around . You are a magnificent and unique individual and you deserve a respectful partner. If you sense that something in the milk aint clean you shouldn't doubt yourself. You know what's best for you. And I think sensitivity can be a wonderful trait, not that I believe your reaction was overly sensitive. While it can be challenging, sensitivity gives us heightened empathy and compassion. You guys should read "The Highly Sensitive Person", I don't believe in all that is said but I think it's rather interesting.
I wish you the absolute best.

free skin care · Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:11 pm

CallaLilly... the "highly sensitive Person... Excellent Book...

free skin care · Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:41 pm

Yes, a very good book, and pretty Required Reading for the HSP's among us. I feel. HIGHLY. LOL

That said, I would have flipped out at my bf if he did this in my 20s or even 30s. Now that I am older and wiser, I know you can't hold people responsible for what they think when they are unconscious. Hullo? As for telling you -- I'm quite sure he meant it as a compliment. It's not about being slutty to him. It's about being desirable. And he doesn't blame all those men for wanting to be with you, and he definitely wants to be with you, too!

Men see sex as desirability. Women, with their somewhat vague need for sex, seem to have a great power and advantage over them, men believe.

Dreams are all about symbols. Don't take it literally. And don't punish your bf for what his brain comes up with when he's dead to the world. And do NOT punish him for being honest with you. Or else he will choose to be less than honest, and then you two are a bit, um, doomed.

Chalk it up to "learning more about each other," and move on. :->

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