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Mon Nov 09, 2009 10:33 pm  |
| Separated for about 4 months now. About to turn 40, with two sons, 11 and 9. Overall, we are all doing as well as one could hope considering this big change. I guess you would probably say I am a fairly "together" person - ie. employed and financially okay, great family support, healthy/fit, emotionally capable, etc. (Now I am sitting her smiling because it sounds like a personal ad!) For those of you who have been here, I would love to have your top 3 do's and dont's, or little tips that helped you, or things you wish you would have done, to help you get through these initial months. I have come to see that no matter how well you handle things, you can't seem to escape the roller coaster of emotions that will only settle after more time has passed and more water has gone under the bridge. I am an optimist by nature, and full of hope. (Just to be clear - this isn't a "cry for help" by any means.) Thanks ladies! |
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Tue Nov 10, 2009 7:37 pm |
| kareni. I hope you are doing alright. I don't have a recipe but I think it is helpful to see other people, friends, family, the people in your life; get out and not isolate. and also to be able to talk with those close to you who you find helpful. For me, finding something to be gained, something learned, some growth ..was very helpful. and also to have patience for things to get better. sorry this is not very prosaic but no one had answered you yet and I did not want you to feel no one had heard you. I read your post late last night but was too tired to respond. you can pm me if you want. all the best. Harriet |
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Wed Nov 11, 2009 8:02 am |
Thanks Harriet. Lots of women in this forum who I figure have been down this road. Hoping for that little nugget of info, or a suggestion that I haven't thought of or been trying yet. I know I am on the right track, but a little more reinforcement is always helpful. It is just REALLY HARD, and hard not to feel alone in it all, even when you have good support. Thanks for thinking of me  |
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Fri Nov 13, 2009 5:12 am |
Hi! I think it suddenly seems more real and permanent around the 4/5 month mark. And it is hard to see the children's sadness and hold yourself together at the same time.
It has been a long time ago for me and I have never felt better.
I think doing a divorce recovery programme is good (ie at a local church etc). Also try really hard to be neutral in front of the kids, until they are older.
Beyond that, spend more time with your female friends, they are a great support.
Avoid the temptation to find another man to fill the gap. Having promised myself to hold out for a year - I found ( and continue to find) the quality of my life is so much better without a man in it.
Lots of luck to you!  |
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Mon Nov 16, 2009 3:39 am |
i m not an expert, but if i were you, these are something in my mind ( quite similar to other advice)
three dos:
1. visit and talk to friends
2. do something you are really interested in but have not got a chance yet due to the marriage
3. if possible, treat yourself a trip to somewhere you have long been looking forward
Three don't dos
1. date someone you are not really fond of
2. think too much about 'seperate'
3. eat too much or spend too much money to comfort yourself, you might feel guilty afterwards |
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Wed Nov 18, 2009 12:08 am |
Thanks for your thoughts ladies. I know I will get through this - eventually!  |
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