Mistaken for my friends Mother, I am 36 she is 35!
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Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:32 pm

Hello all I am new here and this is my first post, it is a bit depressing so please bear with me as I really need some insight on this one!

I am 36 and my good friend from university who is 35 was visiting me from Ireland last week, we only see each other a couple of times a year and I did notice when I met her at the train stations she was looking great. Then when we were out for a meal together one evening, to my total horror the waitress about mid 30's herself mistook my friend for my daughter! My friend laughed it off and made some comment about updating her clothes and hair to look more elegant in future but I was just mortified and I have been feeling very down ever since.

My friend has always had nice skin, she has never smoked, drank or sun bathed and if I am honest could pass for a girl in her late teens, l know lots of women claim to look much younger than they are but in my opinion if you are for example 30 and look early 20’s then that is probably normal but to be 35 and be able to pass for a 18 that is quite something, also many women may have a cute hair style and nice clothes and figure but if you really look you can see their age, I am sure you all know what I am taking about. I am a photographer and work with teenage models and she really does have that same young skin and overall appearance and she seems to look better in the past year then she did previously although she puts that down to losing a bit of weight I did wonder if she might have had some laser treatment.

For the rest of her stay I could just see the difference in reaction she got when we were out. Men of all ages noticed her, while I felt pretty invisible. I have always been the one who got the attention and in my early 20's I even modelled myself but while I still have a good figure, life and partying has left me looking haggard in the face and when it comes right down to it while I think I am still attractive for my age, what men really respond to is youthfulness and I don't have that anymore.

I don’t want you to think I am envious of her, well perhaps a little but I am happy for her weight loss and that she is looking so great but it has made me realise how unhappy I am with my own looks. I don't know what I can do, her facial structure is so different to mine and she has very thick skin and I am sure that helps her look young as well as many healthy choices she made about smoking and sun exposure. Perhaps this is just the jolt I need to take some major action but I realise can probably never get to a point again where I look as pretty and youthful as she does and it has affected my confidence. Perhaps it is karma and she is just getting her change now to shine while my peak is over.

I can see how taking care of your skin and a healthy lifestyle would help prevent dramatic aging as you get older but for an average person she looks wonderful. I have seen in certain celebrities who I have photographed an extraordinary skin quality but I always assumed they paid through the nose for this with various treatments which mere mortals cannot afford but my friend is not at all wealthy. I did ask her about what she had been doing but she said only that she had been eating a lot better, drinking lots of water, doing yoga you know the usual and perhaps that is all it is but seriously how does a 35 year old woman look so youthful?

I am sorry if any of this sounds mean, I am in such a - over being mistaken for her mother and I don’t even think I look that much older than I am maybe 38 or so. Has this ever happened to anyone else and if so how do I get over this terrible blow to my self-esteem?

free skin care · Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:00 pm

So sorry this happened to you. I remember being in my late 20s and someone thought I was older, it was a very depressing experience.

This may be a singular isolated issue, so don't let someone's inconsiderate behavior get you down.

It sounds like you are also thinking about what to do for yourself. That's a good thing. Take care of yourself with a good diet, wearing sunscreen, and consider using a retin A or retinol product. Maybe it's time for a new haircut or outfit that you feel good about?

free skin care · Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:51 pm

I suggest you look at it as inspiration for you to be even better. You are certainly young enough to make great improvements. Exercise (blood flow to the skin), green smoothies, green drinks do phenomenal things for the skin. A big smile, a confident attitude will help. Stand tall and I'd also get on you tube and find some videos for applying makeup skillfully - contour, blushers, highlighters can really spiff up a look. Your friend is probably just hitting her stride but that doesn't mean you can't be right in step. She's probably worked at things a little more and these efforts have paid off.

free skin care · Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:32 pm

I have a few thoughts:
Are you taller? I know that I have a "little" or short friend who everyone assumes is younger..just because she is small. In fact, I've had other friends who are short tell me how they hated it when they were young..but as they got older loved it because people associate being small with youth.

Also..is she thin? Being physically fit makes one look young. So if she is fit and you are not as fit.. even if her were more wrinkled -- still people in passing would think her younger.
Also, clothes and hair..if her clothes and hair are modern looking..that could make her look younger as well.

I totally understand how you feel. But, honestly..from my experience i know I get more looks from men when I am at my thinnest and dressed in youthful clothes with my hair down.

Also..blonds are usually thought of as younger than brunettes.. they can have a face like a saddle next to a smooth skinned brunette..and a stranger would pick the blond as the younger. Don't let it bother you.

btw.. your friend was pretty nice how she downplayed that strangers gaff.

free skin care · Mon Oct 29, 2012 1:52 am

That does sound upsetting. I agree with what the others have said about using it as a positive momentum to get yourself in to shape etc.

You must be careful with taking such a drive from the situation though. If it is already a massive thing for you, playing in to it could engross you to the extend that you are continually competing to look as good as or better than your friend and you loose sight of what wonderful things make you the person you are and ultimately what really matters. Don't let it get out of balance is what I am saying. Remember that nothing has meaning unless you give it meaning.

free skin care · Mon Oct 29, 2012 6:51 am

Although you are close friends, I think your friend did not probably tell you her beauty secrets to looking great other than updating her clothes and hair. You know very well it is more than that. Start accessing yourself what you are doing wrong to look so much older than your friend. Then, start making changes. A healthy lifestyle, regular exercise, good sunscreen at least 30 SPF, good skin-care regimen are all important to looking youthful. Take the challenge as your goal to looking great than her! By the time you are done with your journey to looking youthful, you will be happy you did. What a feeling of accomplishment!

Please don't be upset, get even Smile

free skin care · Mon Oct 29, 2012 1:05 pm

hotdocgirl made some good points. A quite gorgeous woman I work with is tiny, well below average height. She has mentioned that people often treat her like a child, due to her height. I think, just my guess, she's around 40, and she definitely doesn't appreciate being treated as a teenager, in any situation, as opposed to the highly qualified professional woman that she is.

Just a thought, but if you're a 30/40 year old woman who looks like a teenager, you're likely going to be treated as such. Would anyone really wish for that?

free skin care · Mon Oct 29, 2012 11:10 pm

No matter how petite this person is, I would not consider her a young person by any standards when I see her with lots of lines/wrinkles... It is more than just being "tiny or small" to be "youthful"....

appletini wrote:

hotdocgirl made some good points. A quite gorgeous woman I work with is tiny, well below average height. She has mentioned that people often treat her like a child, due to her height.

free skin care · Tue Oct 30, 2012 3:58 am

It's makeover time! You had your o-my-god moment. Mine was when I looked at my * spam * picture when I got renewed.

Six things to cover - your diet (not weight loss plan, what you eat every day), your fitness plan (doesn't have to be extreme - a walk every morning would fit the bill), your skin care regime, your hair care regime, your clothes and your makeup.

Sit down and make a list of the things you want to accomplish. Leave it to your looks - be shallow! There's no shame in wanting to look good as long as you keep the kids fed and don't go robbing any makeup counters!

When you've got your plan, take a photo of yourself for your before picture, and get started eating healthy, exercising, taking care of your skin and hair, and being good to yourself. You'll see a difference in a very short time, and the difference will help keep you going. You can do this!

free skin care · Tue Oct 30, 2012 6:50 am

Thank you Immacolata for your good spirits! Smile

Of course Shimada can do this! Smile

Shimada: Your challenge is to look "better" than her, this is YOUR goal. By the time, you are done with your make-over, you will be happy you made this change of yourself for the better. I wish you good luck in your journey to looking young, beautiful and desirable....
If you need assistance with skin-care and other stuff, this forum has most info you will need.

free skin care · Wed Oct 31, 2012 10:51 pm

Do u smoke and drink? These alone will take a major toll on the skin. When u r young in your teens, it may have been cool because u never thought about the consequences. Now that you are on your mid thirties, it'll all catch up to u. Your skin and body can't get away with the things it used to. A heathy diet is important, lots of water, stop smoking (if u do) and start on your retin a

free skin care · Thu Nov 01, 2012 1:19 am

I completely agree with BCgirl on this one. Smoking on long term usage ages our skin and body in such a huge way. It damages liver and internal organs.... Good well-balanced diet, exercise, enough sleep, sunscreen, good skin-care regimen, yes lots of water (avoid sugared drinks if possible) are some important elements to looking youthful. A new haircut, a new hair color and perhaps a new wardrobe to impress.... and a great smile....

BCgirl wrote:

Do u smoke and drink? These alone will take a major toll on the skin. When u r young in your teens, it may have been cool because u never thought about the consequences. Now that you are on your mid thirties, it'll all catch up to u. Your skin and body can't get away with the things it used to. A heathy diet is important, lots of water, stop smoking (if u do) and start on your retin a

free skin care · Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:02 am

Shimada, I'm sorry you are feeling upset about this. ((((Hugs)) Sometimes it takes something like this to motivate us into action.

I agree that your friend may not have shared with you everything that she has done to look fabulous. Some women won't share because they do not want to seem braggy. Others won't share because they want to one-up others. Since your friend underplayed the waitresses reaction, it seems like she is laid back enough to share with you everything she has done. Ask her if shes had laser treatments. Ask her if she is wearing that illuminating makeup that gives the skin a youthful glow. Ask her specific questions so that maybe you can try out whatever she is doing.

The mid-thirties is an excellent time to amp up healthy living and beauty techniques. You are still young enough to benefit from that skin turnover and losing weight or getting fit isn't as much of a challenge as it will be later on down the road.

Also remember that when a woman is over 40, it's all an even playing field as far as beauty is concerned. It doesn't matter if you were plain or a beauty in your youth. If you take good care of yourself, you can blossom into a mature woman that looks beautiful. Doesn't matter if your features are perfect. You can look gorgeous and chic whatever your looks or size if you take care of yourself. So the fact that you are starting right now will give you a good foundation for your forties.

When I was in my mid thirties, I started working out to Joyce Vedral. One thing she said stuck with me for years. She said that when you start working out and take care of yourself, you don't care about looking like a model in a magazine or a celebrity. We women have our own unique look. What we can aspire to is to be the best versions of ourselves that is possible.

You've gotten some great advice here. I encourage you to look through the forums and devise a plan that is doable for you.

free skin care · Thu Nov 22, 2012 6:50 pm

Swissmom wrote:

When I was in my mid thirties, I started working out to Joyce Vedral. One thing she said stuck with me for years. She said that when you start working out and take care of yourself, you don't care about looking like a model in a magazine or a celebrity.

I had one of her DVDs back in the Nineties. I prefer Margaret Richard now. Both of them have had facelifts but neither claims you can have a younger looking face with exercise. Only the neck down!

free skin care · Fri Nov 23, 2012 12:16 am

I read the original post, but not the replies yet (not because they looked uninteresting, but because of time constraints! Very Happy

)so forgive me if this has already been covered.

I'm going to throw out some basics right here--to improve your skin, always wear a sunscreen (even in the winter/preferably zinc oxide based) and start using a serum with vitamin C and/or prescription retinol. There are also several supplements you can take, but you'll have to experiment because these are very dependent on individual body chemistry. (For me, gelatin and an alpha lipoic acid/l-carnitine combo pill help GREATLY. But for others, fish oil works the best. It just depends on your body and it's needs.) Eating good is a must, though I'm sure you already do because everyone is a health nut these days, right? Laughing

It's interesting that she mentioned yoga as possibly helping, because I personally think yoga has helped with some of my hormonal imbalances. It might just be the vaguely meditative state it puts the mind in, but it could also be the physical effects. Give it a try, and remember to thoracic breathe. hth!

Mon Dec 31, 2012 12:23 am

I joined this forum very recently, so only now have I seen this thread. I feel for Shimada. I looked good when I was young too, and the pain of loosing the youthfull look and being overlooked was immense Then eight weeks ago I discovered facial exercise and have been doing that since. I started drybrushing my face too and massaging my skin by pinching it, and I do tanaka massage twice daily. I also started using argan oil on my skin for the vitamin E plus a tretinoin cream.

And the results have been so good already. My skin is much firmer and thicker with a healthy glow and my whole face has lifted - I look at least 5 years younger. And I know I will continue to look a little bit better for every day. But the best part is that I am happy to look in the mirror now. I feel great and I think I look great too, and that has changed my whole attitude immensely -I can feel it in the way people react to me.

The excellent advice in the replies here will of course help you more - I can only tell what I have experienced in only 8 weeks and hope that it encourages you. Because I am older than you. So if I can get to feel good again in only 8 weeks, so can you! Just give it a try.

free skin care · Mon Dec 31, 2012 6:30 am

Newbiegirl, welcome to the forums! Very Happy

I'm glad you posted your results and that it is working for you. I wish that all women knew about all the wonderful techniques that are out there.

free skin care · Mon Dec 31, 2012 2:51 pm

Swissmom, this is wonderful:

Quote:

Also remember that when a woman is over 40, it's all an even playing field as far as beauty is concerned. It doesn't matter if you were plain or a beauty in your youth. If you take good care of yourself, you can blossom into a mature woman that looks beautiful.

One thing we really need to examine is: WHY? What exactly are we trying to achieve though all our beauty efforts? I do it myself, but I've been really thinking about how far I'd go, and why. I'm in a very happy relationship with an older man, who looks after himself but doesn't fret over his wrinkles. And he loves me and says I am beautiful. That should be enough for me. Do I want to end up being taken for his daughter? If we separated and I was looking for someone new, would I want the partying/young men scene again? I never really enjoyed it anyway, plus that is no way to find a long-term relationship.

Yes, I've become more invisible, at least to young men, but really that's a good thing, once I got over the initial pain. Nice, interesting people still want to dance and talk with me. Last night I got dolled up and went into town to meet friends for some dancing. There was the odd gratifying glance, but I mustn't spend the rest of my life caring about how many men look at me? Knowing that if younger men do look, they might be trying to work out just how old I am?

I will focus more on things that keep me healthy and are enjoyable (yoga, walks, reading). I guess I'll keep on with facial exercise and dermarolling, mainly because the sagging and wrinkling can be so painful to see. But I really need to get over how old people think I am and caring too much about that.

free skin care · Sun Apr 20, 2014 3:55 am

changing your diet can have a huge impact on skin. becoming vegan was all about the animals for me - i didn't want to eat them. but the side effect i didn't expect was younger skin. it was a total surprise.

i take vitamins too, because the more vit c you get and the more vit b complex, the more collagen in your skin, and it really does work.

you might want to try a diet overhaul. it only takes about a month or two to start noticing changes. and they last, those changes.

also, a new study came out that said exercise in people over thirty can actually keep the skin thick, or makes it thicker, like a younger person's. it won't take wrinkles away, but it stops the future damage that comes from thinning skin. her weight loss could be due to a lot of exercise and good diet, and that really shows.

good luck to you - i am pretty much in the same boat, but more because of ill health due to a disease and medication than partying. it's hard to take the negative impact things like that can have, but i keep at it. every little change helps.

Thu Jun 26, 2014 8:28 am

I can not believe how some people open their mouths like that. I would never assume like that!

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